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how long can you live with stage 4 kidney failure with no treatment

By Anonymous March 22, 2010 - 3:42pm
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my mom weighs a 100 lbs. currently in stage 4 kidney failure. does not want treatment

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I am getting very worried about my mom. My mom is in stage 4 cancer and in kidney failure now. In January, when she was weight was taken, my mother weight was 72 pounds. Could be a little less by now. Nothing but bone. My mother wears a bag, because her breast cancer has gone into her bowels now.
My mother throws up sometimes after eating and is blocking up again, and refuses to go to the hospital, go into hospice like the doctors want her to, or to have a hospice nurse at home. My mother has been very difficult. My mother never went to rehab after her operation to learn how to deal with her own bag. it is over 3 years now dealing with her not doing what she needs to do, and have been in and out of the hospital with her, because as soon as she is in, she don't let them do anything that might keep her in there. They wanted her to stay and do something for her kidney or to get blood the last time she was in, and just laid there not accepting anything much, and they finally had to release her. My mother's latest scan shows cancer all in her lower stomach area. The doctor my mother had when she had her first around of chemo said it won't help as well as the first round did. Anyway, my mother chemo this time is making her sick, too strong to take the whole pill, so she has to half the pill, so my mother told me. Also, she is afraid to take another other than Children's Tylenol, which doesn't help her pain. The doctor gave her a more powerful one, but she won't take the whole pill of that, because she don't want to have side effect that will make her have to go into the hospital. I have helped as long as I can, then my poor 85 year old dad is changing her bag. Bother my parents complain how hard it is on them, but refuses a nurse. Well, my dad won't care, but he does what she wants. My sister was no help at all. Just comes up to visit when she feels like it. My mother wanted me and her sister to be the ones to take care of her. My aunt never did help her, and she is highly pissed off at her too. Complains about her every time I talk to her on the phone, which that gets on my nurses too.
I am at my wits end now, and so is my dad. I do not know what to do. My mother complains to me she needs help, but when the doctor mentions hospice care. My mother says, I don't need help, I can take care of my self. My mother is in deep denial that she is going to die, and said once.. the doctor wants to put me in hospice care, talk to me like I am dying... I am not going to die until I am ready to die. My friend told me, your mother refusing hospice care at home will soon land her in the hospital where she is trying so hard to stay out of. I said, I know, but you can not talk to her, she won't listen. Has anyone on here had a family member that was so hard to deal with like this? If so, how did you handle it, and if you got them in hospice care, how did you manage to do this and them being so difficult? Thank for your help !

April 6, 2013 - 10:39am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

stem cell infusions

April 1, 2017 - 11:59pm
EmpowHER Guest

My mother went to her appt yesterday, which is a Tuesday too! She had forgotten what she had told me a mouth ago about the lady at the deas telling her she came on the wrong day, that they doctor is not here on Tuesdays. My mother made up another story yesterday to me. My mother said that the lady at the desk made two appts at the same time, so she didn't get to see the doctor, that they just cleaned her medi-port and took blood. I ask her was the doctor there? I thought you told me last tome that the lady said you came on the wrong day, that the doctor is not here on Tuesdays. My mother said..no, he isn't in on Thursdays. She lied to me. My mother said they made her appt to see the doctor this Friday, went on talking to me on the phone, then said she might cancel that appt. You see, my mother had a bad breathing spell, which scared her into calling her doctor. She ask him what could it be? My mother told me he told her that it could be a number of things..get to the ER, but she didn't go. My mother now is trying to aviod seeing the doctor and just come in for a mediport flush. I don't think she wants them to tak her blood too, but might go ahead, if she can aviod seeing the doctor and hearing the blood test results.
My poor dad says she is killing him. I don't know what to do.

October 3, 2012 - 8:57am
EmpowHER Guest

Oh, and my father don't speak up and talk to the doctor. All he does is complain( like my mother) that just wants me, or my mom's sister to change bags.

September 11, 2012 - 12:51pm
EmpowHER Guest

Not color..I mean colon

September 11, 2012 - 12:43pm
EmpowHER Guest

Actually it is breast cancer than came back and went into her color, which makes it stage 4. The kidneys were damaged because of being sick and/or the two types of back to back chemos she got, which the doctor say she is in kidney failure now. it has been a little over a year that they talked about doing something with her kidney, and she never would, to not have to stay in the hospital.

September 11, 2012 - 12:40pm

Hello Anonymous,

Yours is a very difficult situation. If your mother is mentally competant, there is no way you can override her wishes. I wish I had something encouraging to offer. I am assuming that you and your father have discussed this issue with your mother's attending oncologist.

Considering that your mother is in end-stage kidney cancer and kidney failure, it may be just a matter of time. You and your father will be in my thoughts and prayers.


August 20, 2012 - 5:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Maryann Gromisch RN)

Thank you ! My mother has refuse to have scans done, get blood etc, which is hard too. A little while back, she even said that she might stop having her cancer doctor test her blood too. My mother aslo showed up on the wrong day at her doctor's appt. First she told me that the girl said, you came on the wrong day, the doctor don't work on Tuesdays, then she said a little later, he was on vacation. Anyway, I think she is trying to avoid seeing him and hearing any bad news. My mother did say a while back that the doctor said..I'll just leave you alone. I don't know if he is avoiding her, or her him. Something isn't right here, because I ask my mother when is your next appt. My mother said Oct 2nd, which is also on a Tuesday and he don't work there on that day. I think she is now just coming in to get her medi-port cleaned and that is it. No seeing the doctor or getting blood testing done. My mother will do whatever it takes not to have a nurse in her home, or have to stay in the hospital.

September 11, 2012 - 12:34pm
EmpowHER Guest

My mother has stage 4 cancer and now in kidney failure, which is stage 5, right? The woman is so little (like 70 lbs), and refuses help. She don't change her own bag, and tries to get family members to do it, which was me and now my dad. My mom would like her sister to help, but she won't. Soon it will be 3 years of dealing with it. My mom's cancer doctor wants her in hospice, but she has given everyone hell since this happen to her, and will not listen to anyone, or get what she needs done. This has cause my dad and I so much stress, anger, and we are so damn tired that we can drop over at any time. My mom is also mean, so that makes it worse on us too. I do not know what to do. My mom is in 100% denial, and hasn't really helped herself since 2009, lies and says to them, I can take care of myself, then tries to get family to take care of her. My mom won't stay in the hospital for more that a day or 2 before she starts wanting out. So hospice in the hospital she will never go for, nor will she have them in her home. My dad and I are not nurses. What can we do? Should I just call hospice and let them deal with her now? I know she will fly mad and not even allow them in her house. It is too long of a story, but you guys have no idea what this woman has put me through, and the god awful things she said to her own daughter. I am at my wits end.

August 18, 2012 - 5:33pm
EmpowHER Guest

My grandma's brother is not doing real good. He has kidney failure. I am so sad, because he was my favorite person after my grandma of coarse. Hospice is now involved and I would like to know about how long he could have left. You never know when God will pull your number but I would just like a little more time. Im sure as do we all. Thank you.

July 25, 2012 - 1:35pm
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