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Sex & Relationships Guide

Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

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ask: How long should I wait to sleep with my new boyfriend?

By bsygirl
 
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I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a month now, in past relationships I feel like I didn't wait long enough and I always end up regretting it. I want to earn his respect, and wait for the right time. What advice can you give me to know whether its the right time or if its just temptation. I don't want to make a mistake again.

Add a Comment6 Comments

bsygirl

I definitely agree with you on that Missie. I always tell a guy about my views on waiting until we are dating and all that, its a very good way to weed out the jerks from guys that are actually worth my time.

I know I need to ask about testing, I just am trying to figure out a way to bring it up that doesn't come off sounding rude.

April 28, 2011 - 7:55am
Alison Beaver (reply to bsygirl)

Hi,
You are right---this is a tricky conversation, but an important discussion that can ultimately lead to increased trust, honesty and intimacy.

Here are a few suggestions that I have found:
- Go Ask Alice: How do I ask my partner about his past?
- Coversation Starters: STD Testing from USDHHS

To answer your first question, there is also a Sex Readiness Checklist at Scarleteen: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_...

Let us know how your conversation goes! You can bounce some ideas off of us on this thread, if you would like to.

April 28, 2011 - 11:56am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Thank you for your post. I love this post. I love your honesty with you boyfriend. I hope your boyfriend also believe on you like you. I hope you live a happy life with your boyfriend.

[inappropriate website removed by Moderator, per posting guidelines]

April 27, 2011 - 10:15pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi bsygirl,
Thank you for your response. I am a single lady myself and I can offer you the way I deal with this very subject. I agree, completely, with Susan as there is no specific "timeline" when you should take a step farther in your relationship....this you will know when it is time.

As for the STD portion, I make it VERY clear right up front that this is a must to be with me. Hey, if he doesn't like it, then he does not respect you and move on. I have never heard anyone complain about this in my experience. In one circumstance, I was informed that he had herpes and then he gave me my choice to stay or to leave. My choice was to leave.

Yes, you are correct that some STDs can lay dormant for a while such as HPV, but without physical genital warts, there is no testing on men for this as of now. Even with testing, you should always use condoms as Susan mentioned. It only takes one time to live with something for the rest of your life.....make sense?

Good luck,
Missie

April 27, 2011 - 4:05pm
bsygirl

That also brings me to another question that I have :/ . When it comes to STDs, what is a good way to bring up testing? I don't want to offend him, but I want to protect my body. I heard that it take about 6 months for STDs to show up completely, is that correct?

April 27, 2011 - 1:58pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Hi bsygirl

Thanks for your post!

I think you have answered your own question by saying that having sex too quickly in the past has led to unfulfilling relationships and that you want to wait in order to avoid that again.

There is no "time-line" guide, just make sure you are physically and emotionally read and ALWAYS use a condom NO MATTER what he says!

When it feels right to you, you'll know. Don't use a calendar - and take your time. Don't hold back if you really feel ready but never let anyone pressure you either, whether you are dating a month or a year.

Good luck and thanks for writing!
~Susan

April 27, 2011 - 12:50pm
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