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How much do you move during sex??

By May 27, 2010 - 1:15am
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Help!! I am nearly 50 and in a new relationship. Sex is great but he tells me recently to move more so that I can get more pleasure (and he can too) I thought everything was ok but I had no idea I wasnt doing enough!! Not sure what is normal for women to do. I love sex and thought I had lots of experience....this is a bit of a shock!!

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EmpowHER Guest

The reason a lot of older men like a woman on top is not for her taking control and her pleasure, but so they can just lie there and get off with her doing all the work. Your extended pleasure range is shown by him doing oral on you and manualy getting your G spot. So skip the on top for your pleasure and provide it occasionaly as a treat for him. Hopefully you are giving him some oral too- for his pleasure. Stop fretting, keep things simple and honest. Then the sex will be adequate and satisfying in a positive relationship

November 5, 2010 - 9:17am
EmpowHER Guest

You are as clueless forc someone at this age about what else is possible and yet personally content otherwise. So I suggest you forget about it. Let him know your specialty is your unique style, which is older mens' long term relationship heaven.
Further down the track, when he'd rather a simple bit of sex and get his release- he'll have that from you without the ordeal of being resented for not doing all the Ms Liveliers need. The later ladies are initially a bit more exciting, but aging middle aged men are often not much chop at sustaining the sexual activities needed by the lively type. The usual result is a frustrated Ms Lively and Mr Aging. He doesn't get enough sex as he knows his quickish basic won't do and he's too pooped to do more most of the time.That's when a woman like you is pure gold to the Mr Agings, especially the ones who have learnt more about themselves and aware of their real long term needs.

November 5, 2010 - 8:56am

Hi Alison
Thanks for the reply. Yes it does rub me the wrong way!!! Hard not to feel like I am not good enough but I sure this is not his intent.
We have a great relationship and do lots of things he has never done with anyone else!
I really dont feel to comfortable being very dominant, I much prefer him to take charge. Dont mind asking for what I want. I guess I have some things to learn. I think he does want me to be on top and in control, but this makes me feel vulnerable (not sure why). Have had bad experiences in a long and difficult marriage so this may be in the way for me.
Thanks again for the feedback, much appreciated.

May 27, 2010 - 7:05pm
(reply to 0007suzie)

So happy to hear back from you!

It sounds like you are a wonderful, strong and courageous woman, and those traits coupled with more time in the relationship will most likely lead to you feeling able to be more vulnerable with him (both in the bedroom and in other areas of the relationship).

Perhaps you can let him know that you would also be interested in "moving more" during sex; to be more "dominant" and "vulnerable", but in order to feel capable of doing these things, you need... (fill in the blank with your own words, but a few suggestions: ...more time in the relationship to build up to these precious emotions and behaviors, you need to feel special and sexy in bed and not be reminded of what other women have done with him sexually since you both have "pasts", and you need his patience and encouragement without pressure or expectations).

I'm sure it is not his intent, either, to make you feel a little "rubbed the wrong way", as it is difficult to talk about sex without bringing up past relationships. Bravo to him and you for talking about it, and hopefully you can let him know you "hear" him, appreciate that you can both communicate your deep, secret desires with each other, and then allow each other to choose to improve on those areas (or not) in your own timeframe without dwelling on them.

Best wishes, have fun and I do look forward to other women's responses as well!

May 27, 2010 - 7:28pm

Hello Suzie

Congrats on the relationship! It sounds like it must be going fairly well if you are able to discuss sex, as so many people struggle with that. I hope you get a lot of responses to this question, because I think it could be very interesting to see what the community has to say.

This may sound like a cop-out, but I think everyone has sex a little differently. You may have to ask him just exactly what he is talking about, or what he wants you to try to do. Maybe he has a video that demonstrates it? Sometimes seeing what kind of adult movies a person enjoys can give you insight into what he is fantasizing about. If he watches those movies.

Most people just do what they feel when it comes to sex, as it sounds like you do, and then their partners' feedback may cause them to change things up a bit. So I really do think the answer is to go back to him and ask what he wants. He may enjoy being asked as well!

Dr. Laura Berman is a famous women's health and sexuality doctor. Perhaps her site can help you as well: http://www.drlauraberman.com/public/index.aspx. We have a section on sex and relationships that may help you: http://www.empowher.com/relationships-family/sex-relationships

I really hope we get some comments here to see how other women deal with this. Thank you for writing and HAVE FUN!

May 27, 2010 - 6:55am
(reply to Cary Cook BSN RN)

Thanks for the reply. I had always just done what felt right like you suggest. He says that he has been with other women who move alot to orgasm thru penetration. I thought he had just got the idea from movies!! I read something about a woman being able to orgasm easier by moving more. he sayas he was with someone who was on top, did all the movement and orgasmed that way!! I find it hard to believe so thats why I am asking the community.

May 27, 2010 - 5:54pm
(reply to 0007suzie)

I think it is great that you two are talking about sex, but am also a little nervous about HOW much he is comparing you with the other women he's been with. Everyone is different, and everyone is different with different people, so it's a little unnerving to me that he is wanting you to be like these other women in bed? I'm not sure why this is rubbing me the wrong way..is it you, too?

To answer your question directly, I couldn't say there is "one way" that any person expresses their sexuality with their partner each-and-every time. There are different moods, different positions, different motives for having intercourse depending on the day. Each of these differences would lend themselves to the woman being in a more "submissive" position, in a more "dominant" position...or some combination during the love-making process. I do wonder if he is wanting to try different positions throughout the one love-making session, instead of "only" doing one position the entire time? The other way to read your question: does he want you to be on top, and be in control while he lays there...is that what he means by moving more? Lastly...it sounds like his purpose of asking you to move more is so that you have an orgasm. Is this something you want? Why is he concerned about this, do you know?

May 27, 2010 - 6:04pm
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