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How to remove the fear of pain of first intercourse?

By Anonymous July 13, 2009 - 4:05am
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im scared to have sex

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i'm newly married but i always keep myself away from being intercourse with my husband because I'm scared of sex for the first time. He sometimes angry with me but i'm totally helpless. Whenever we proceed for intercourse but i feel fear of pain and resist him doing intercourse. Please help me so that i can remove this tension and keep my husband happy. I don't want to be scared of sex.

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Hello everyone. Is interesting to see how many women have that fear. I remember I came here because I search in "google" "how to remove the fear of intercourse". It was in 2014 when I was open about it in the internet in HERE. I never talk about it, it was something private, but I felt kind off happy that I was not alone. I took therapy that worked for me, now I have a baby after 3 years. Is possible. I did it all of you can as well!! My fear came back after having a baby, but it was easier for me because I talked to my husband, but I am better now. Thanks to this wonderful group I am better.

March 30, 2017 - 8:21pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Michelle2014)

That's fantastic news, Michelle.

Thanks for updating us and for letting our readers know there is hope.

March 31, 2017 - 5:53am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm also going throug this , I'm 8 years married nd still can't do sex, I have seen so many gynaecologist but nothing worked , I also had anaesthesia for sex but the fear is still same !! I'm just so frustrated with myself right now !! People n family are against me now, they Dnt talk nice to me , I want to have sex and have a baby but I dnt know how to overcome this fear of sex , I use to think I'm the only one like this, I want to have sex to make my life easy n happy !! Please suggest something !! I had counsellings nd therapies aswell nothing worked!!

March 29, 2017 - 12:42am
EmpowHER Guest

Hello doc...
I have very bad fear of sex... And i dnt know why... Infact i wants to do more than my hubby. But when ever he try to inside me i step back... And after that hus behavior soo much changed... Then he never try close to me or love me... Plz help me out... I want baby now...

March 27, 2017 - 8:49am
EmpowHER Guest

We are married since 2013 and running our 4 th year now. Whenever my husband touch the hole, i feel very painful followed by fainting and vomiting. But, i myself ask him to do it in the upper side of the vagina and i really getting mood and getting wet. He says he is completely satisfied with the intercourse. But, whenever i am going for a pelvic exam i am under tremendous pressure and when i enter inside the doctor's cabin i am getting blackout and vomiting on seeing the instrument and i recover almost after 1 hour. This happend on 2 occasions with 2 different gynaecologists. I am really expecting to have a baby but i don't know how to overcome ths problem. Please suggest.

March 20, 2017 - 10:36am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hello Anon

It sounds like you have severe anxiety when it comes to sex. Did you experience past sexual trauma ?

You need to seek therapy so you can get a diagnosis as soon as possible.

March 20, 2017 - 2:49pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am with my boy frnd for 10 yrs and we nevr had sex since we decided not to have premarital sex.now we have been married for 3 weeks and i am pushing him away while penetrating. I let finger me one day and i bled considerably.Then i started putting my finger and started getting comfortble with finger.I dont resist much when he puts his finger in my vagina.We have bought vaginal dialators to make myself used to the foriegn object penetartion.He was able insert first 2 sizes with ease and very less pain.But i am still scarred to penis penetration.when i said i want to get comfortable witn all size dialators my husband became very frustrated that he has been waiting for 10 yrs and because of my usless fears its going to take forevr to have sec.i love him very much and i want make him happy.but how do i make him understand me fear and that i need little more time to overcome my fear.we both njoy oral sex and i get wet well during foreplay.i am almost 30.If i dont overcome my fear i myself will be breaking my marriage and 10 yrs relation.i am very depressed and not able to concentrate on anything.

February 22, 2017 - 9:45am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Since it has only been three weeks since you got married and you are able to engage in other sexual activities, advise your husband that you are getting there, but need more time.

If you still have such fears, consult your doctor - there may be a medical reason for your fear/discomfort.


February 22, 2017 - 1:03pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have been married for 1 year and 4 months. We have been trying to figure out what makes me to back out from sex, but its just I am scared of the pain. One day my husband suggested me to consult a doctor and take her advise. To my bad she scolded me in front of my husband and nurses in the room that I was hurt so badly. Since I am very good at emotional control I did not break out at the movement but the next day when husband left for work I cried my heart out. At this point of time I got a call from my MIL telling BIL wife is pregnant. I know my husband is angry, sad, frustrated but I am helpless. I watched him scold me, curse me, screaming at me but nothing went inside my head, I was thinking how lucky my SIL is,she had a happy sex life now a baby. I am happy for her but as well i am wreaked. It made me feel that I am useless.
I started searching for advised online and came across this page and found that I am not the only one who is suffering from this problem. Reading this page calms me down and try to overcome my fear and is mentally preparing for it. May be soon everything will be alright and I will too have a baby. Thank you to all who took time to give advises and thank you for reading my experience.

January 5, 2017 - 1:09am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hi , It was same for the me .It took 3 months for me to have sex although I tried it 20 times before I cud finally do it.I used to cry everytime I tried and failed to overcome the fear of penetration.
But one day I mustered the courage and just did it thinking that worst case is pain, nothing else. And it actually did pain a lot even if I was self lubricated and my husband was also slow and easy.It did pain even for the next 3 times as well. But after that it was ecstatic and orgasmic.
It might not even pain for you as it did not pain for many of my friends.So just accept the worst case, in worst case its just gonna pain, thats it and that also for 15 seconds.And worst might even not be the case for you, it might not pain as well.Also u r not imagining the pleasure u will get after u r done with few first timers.

January 22, 2017 - 4:49pm
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