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ask: How to remove the fear of pain of first intercourse?

By Anonymous
 
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i'm newly married but i always keep myself away from being intercourse with my husband. He sometimes angry with me but i'm totally helpless. Whenever we proceed for intercourse but i feel fear of pain and resist him doing intercourse. Please help me so that i can remove this tension and keep my husband happy.

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Anonymous

How to remove the fear of pain of first intercourse

February 22, 2015 - 6:02pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Well i guess i am the older sufferer of this 'afraid of intercourse/etc'. I've been married for 8 years and 4 months to a loving and very patient husband. We're both virgins until now. I've been through alot of times rhinking if i can numb it or if can take drugs or any sleeping pills just not to feel the pain. well i've tried being drunk, and guess what happened? We ended up arguing. Because i vomit or puke alot that it made him so upset. And until now im still suffering with this problem. I still dont know what to do. i am 32 yrs old.and i want to have kida. But everytime we tried to do it we only ended up for nothing. I cried so many es because of this sjsjjsjsjs problem. Ple

January 24, 2015 - 6:33am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I been married for nearly 4 years and still with the same issue exactly what your having, iv even had a smear test done whilst iv been put on anathetic thinkn itl take thngs off my mind but no still stuck with same fear i wish we cud get some help

February 1, 2015 - 2:33am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You need therapy for your fears. This is not a physical issue you have, rather a psychological one.  If you want this to stop and to enjoy a good sex life, please talk to your doctor about therapy. It will really help.

Best,

Susan

January 26, 2015 - 6:57am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Well i guess i am the older sufferer of this 'afraid of intercourse/etc'. I've been married for 8 years and 4 months to a loving and very patient husband. We're both virgins until now. I've been through alot of times rhinking if i can numb it or if can take drugs or any sleeping pills just not to feel the pain. well i've tried being drunk, and guess what happened? We ended up arguing. Because i vomit or puke alot that it made him so upset. And until now im still suffering with this problem. I still dont know what to do. i am 32 yrs old.and i want to have kida. But everytime we tried to do it we only ended up for nothing. I cried so many es because of this sjsjjsjsjs problem. Ple

January 24, 2015 - 6:31am
Michelle2014

I guess I got here like everybody, with the same question and somehow with the same problem and same fear. Honestly I though that I was alone because it never came to my mind that a "woman can have fear of sex" but I do. I have been married for a year and four months and is been really hard the last time that we try I freak out and I didnt wanted to do it all, not even try. We gave another chance and keep trying but nothing has worked so far. I want to have kids and have a family, I don't want to stay like the way that I am, but I feel that this fear is bigger than me, I try to find help, but thats hard because I am afraid that they are going to say that I am crazy, or how can I have fear of sex. I have though many ways, like getting drunk so I won't feel it, or maybe numb it so I wont feel it, but thats kind of crazy so I havent really try that. I am afraid of the pain, but I want to try some stuff that some people mention in here, maybe just get used to it or like someone say use a tampon, I want to give it a try. I want to be able to enjoy sex with my husband, thats what I wish. I want to be able to trust him in that part and I want to enjoy it, if any of you have any suggestions that will make sex better for me and maybe getting used to it, than I will be really happy to read them. This page actually gave me that peace that I am not alone and that I am not actually the only one who feels like this, so thank you for that. God Bless.

January 5, 2015 - 5:55am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Michelle2014)

Hi Michelle

Thanks for your post.

This is a long standing fear of yours that probably needs therapy. Your issue is psychological, not physical and therapy will help. 

Is there are reason for your fears? Were you raised to believe sex was somehow bad or wrong (outside or marriage or otherwise?) These notions can really affect women. Your doctor can refer you to a good therapist; I think you are beyond trying tampons or getting drunk. I think your issue is deeper than that. 

Best,

Susan

January 7, 2015 - 5:40am
Michelle2014 (reply to Susan Cody)

Thank you. And yes this lady when I was 15 she talk about sex and she say that it hurt a lot and that really freak me out. I am trying to see if sex therapy can help me because I really want get rid off this fear.

Thank you so much.

January 13, 2015 - 2:01pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hello,
I have a boyfriend for 6 years. And still, we couldn't have sex. Because I am really afraid of it. I've tried everything, but nothing works. Now I am really depressed.. I need help :(

December 17, 2014 - 3:54pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Many of you are suffering from vaginismus. My girlfrind and are are working on treating her condition. Sorry to tell you this but putting on your big girl panties isn't going to get it done. Have a serious talk with your husband/boyfriend and reasearch treatment options. I suggest going to vaginismus.com and educating yourself to deal with the emotional aspect and also treating the physical aspect with a set of dialators and a strong will to overcome your fears. I hope this helps and Good luck to you all.

December 5, 2014 - 2:14pm
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