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How to tell my mum

By Anonymous October 31, 2009 - 10:40am
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Well its not exactly a health question :/ its more like telling my parents i have a boyfriend. Im 14 and my ive known him eversince primamry school. We are really close friends but he lives lke 2 hours away from my home and i only see him on half term holidays. my mum is really strict about gettng a boyfriend. she says i can only have a boyfriend when im like 27 which i think is so pathetic ARRH!! my dad is nice coz hes more flexible about everything, like he lets me go out with my group of friends. but my mum is strict about EVERYTHING.

Ps. she know who my boyfriend is but doesnt know that im his girlfriend but just close friends he has a twin if that helps lol She used to be close with their parents but now we dont see them anymore so yh, please help me !

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I also think the way you word your situation is key, too. Many adults when they hear the word "girlfriend and boyfriend" may worry that this is equivalent to having a physical relationship (including sex), which is not the case.

Instead of telling your parents a label that has different meanings in the different generations, telling your parents the truth about your feelings is more important, just like you told us: "I like [name] and he says he likes me, too".

Is there something you want/need from your parents? Do you want to see your "boyfriend" more often, go on a "date" by yourself, or have their support in being able to talk with them about your feelings for him? Again, even the word "date" can have different meanings, so just tell them specifically what you would like to do (invite [name] over for dinner and movie without parental interruption, for example).

I think if you pinpoint your reasons for wanting to tell your parents about you liking a boy, they will want to hear that you like him, and will feel that you are being honest. You can ask about rules for seeing him, and your parents may want you to see him only with a group of friends until you are 16 (and able to drive, for instance), and if alone, only when parents are home at either house. Totally understandable and not too strict for your age. Rules will change when you are 16, then 18, then 20 and so on... When you are 18, you are an adult..so your parents can't tell you not to date anyone until you are 27...LOL!

Does this help?

November 1, 2009 - 9:20am
EmpowHER Guest

Thank you for your question. I think we have all been in your position at one time or another in our lives. I think it is a great thing that your parents know who he is and dropping the news to them will be a little easier. Do they like him? Obviously, they were not trying to stop you two being friends.

I think the worst case, is they can say 'No'! You are both already two hours apart anyhow so not too much would change but trying to talk to them about it would be important. First, before saying that you are both in a relationship already, have them understand that they can trust you (he lives two hours away).

I think when it comes to parents, they are more concerned with sexual relations then having a boyfriend. In your case, the distance may be for your benefit. Let them be apart of your decision, tell them that this is how your feeling about him and that you would really like their blessing. It may help.

I hope this gives you a little much ammo for your talk. Does this help. Let us know how it goes.

October 31, 2009 - 10:52am
EmpowHER Guest


October 31, 2009 - 10:42am
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