Husband Rarely Has Sex with me, Just caught him masturbating to porn

I am in the same situation. The only difference is that my bf has low libido and gets desire approximately once per week. In the beginning we did it every week once of course but I still saw that he had porn downloaded on his PC, which means that back then maybe due to the novelty of the relationship, he was wanting it twice per week in general - once with me and once with the stupid porn...it wasn't such a problem because I was still getting attention and sex....a year and a half later it was slowly getting less....once per two weeks and since we moved in together once or less per month....he openly says that he masturbates when I ask even though it has been a month since we had sex...he says that he still has desire for me but it is all well knwon for him and he is somehow bored...the thrill is gone ...porn gives him an option to look at something different and imagine something different...I can understand that but it is hurting me that he prefers to masturbate 3 out of4 times every month leaving me feeling undesired and no longer sexually good enough for him....i guess the main problem is the libido mismatch because if he was having high libido wanting it every day or every other day then it would have still been more frequent sex with me even if he masturbated to porn....
I have told him about my feelings but his reaction is that he cant do anything about it when he simply doesnt desire me at these moments ...he could go months wirhout sex and then months with everytime sex with me ...it has been like this in his previous relationship and "it is how he is" ....when the thrill is gone ...he isnt intrressted do to it often....
Other times he simply says that masturbating is alot easier and lazier than actually having sex even though I never put pressure on him for making me orgasm...I just enjoy the penetration and the intimacy...it is still quite presurable for me so I don't know what is so much more work in sex with me....
I am constantly on the edge of breaking up or staying...I know I have no strings attached but only one big - I really love him and he is really good to me in every other aspect...I just don't know if he actually wants me at all sexually and he doesn't give a straight answer...every time says different things .he is bored of me because he knows me and the sex with me...other times he says he simply gets it easier with porn but still has desire for me....once he even said something like he will push himself to have sex with me when we decide to have children...i don't know I feel helpless too....I clearly cannot be somebody new to him so the interest stays...I am willing to stay if he can preserve a regular normal sexual activity where I can feel desired by him ...you are quite lucky compared to a lot other people...

Spouses who won't have sex with their spouse and who'd rather please themselves with porn have gone delusional without them realizing it.
Sex between husband and wife started out really passionate and satisfying because there ia intimacy and genuine emotions for each other behind the act...but when porn gets in the way, expectations changes.
The spouse into porn unconsciously sets a different standard of sex atleast for himself ...that they no longer enjoy the sex with their spouse with the same intensity, desire and curiosity that they have because of porn.
Porn is porn. It gives you a twisted idea about how sex should be. In reality, only twisted minds are enjoying hardcore banging till your dry and sore type of sex!!!

Well maybe not totally on topic, but here is my story.

I'm been married to my wife for 40 years. We have not had intercourse for at least 17 years--I've given up trying to keep track. The first time she refused my advances was on the second night of our honeymoon. Frequency dropped from that day forward, despite a rather active lifestyle in various forms of sex prior to marriage.

I stated masturbating daily in my early teens. Parents caught me and told me how wrong it was so changed to do it more, but in better privacy. Marriage comes with "free" sex I thought, so why not?

With no sex at home, every business trip i took I would go to the video store and rent tapes and a player to take back to my hotel room tho "help" me.

I'm 60 years old now and masturbating to porn, probably more than i did as a teen. At my age it takes longer, so have to carefully schedule my private time when she is not around.

Yes, my wife has caught me--about once a year. This results in a big fight about "why do you have to do that?" My response about having urges and desires and wanting to fulfill them with her mean nothing---she just replies, "just stop doing that."

So, am I addicted to porn--maybe. Should I go seek help--maybe, have considered it as it is consuming more and more of my time. Should I stop masturbating--not going to happen. Should I go seek a mistress--way to risky on so many levels. Should I divorce over no sex--not going to happen.

Sex is supposed to be part of marriage; even though I masturbate every day, I long to be with her intimately. Heck, I haven't even seen her fully naked for nearly 20 years despite all my attempts to join her in the shower and other initiations.

I'm open to suggestions.

The sad thing is, I think that, in one way or another, just about every wife can relate to this situation. My husband and I used to have sex 3-5 times a WEEK. Recently we have been having sex about 3 times a month. Two months ago, we broke a 3 month dry spell with zero sex. In the 15 yrs we have been together and the 7 we've been married, that has NEVER happened. 3 months without sex had my mind thinking all kinds of horrible things. Was he cheating on me? Does he still love me? Am I still attractive to him? What is going on? So finally, I asked him what his problem was. He said he was just tired and when he was interested, I would be sleeping. Ok so he works nights and I works days. He gets home from work and goes straight to his computer, while I work from home, in another room. I have caught him numerous times, masturbating to porn. It makes me sick and pissed off. It does hurt. It feels like he is cheating because he would rather jerk off to some fake porn, than have me. I am 10 yrs younger than he is and, granted I have gained weight since having his 3 children, he never complained about it before. This is just something recent that he's been doing. He swears he isn't interested in anyone else and that he is not cheating, but I don't know if I believe him. To me, a man that is addicted to porn is a sex addict. What is going to stop him for having sex with another woman? And if he is such a sex addict, why not have sex with me? I am at a loss here.

I literally just caught my husband outside, which is normal because he is a smoker.
I thought he was having a wee in the garden (yes gross I know) but when I put my glasses on, saw on his phone that he was watching porn and masterbating into the garden!
I am so angry I can't see straight!
I am always after love and affection, and I could t even tell you the last time he gave me oral sex, I am always initiating sex and yet I catch him at 1am jerking it in the garden!
I am so so mad right now!!!!

I am in a similar situation also. My husband of 2 years can't have intercourse with me. I have always blamed his diabetes but I'm not so sure. He can masterbate (still can't get hard but can get himself to climax) and we will do that together for our "sex" but we have never been able to have actual intercourse. He was single for 13 years before and respectibly didn't sleep around during that time but he did please himself often, he says 3-4 times a day with porn. So when we first got together I figured he had just conditioned himself to climax with porn but would soon be able to do so with just me and who knows maybe even be able to get hard enough for sex. Here we are almost 3 years later and he still watches porn daily and will get turned on by that and then ask me to "help" him. I am ALWAYS willing and have never said no. I find he has such an issue with delayed self gratification that, like tonight, I got home at 10 pm from my sons football game and looked at his history on his computer and there was porn for 3 straight hours including right up to 945 pm. So he helped himself just 10-15 minutes before I got home knowing I was on my way home. I feel cheated and cheated on daily. He said it's more "efficient" for him to do this alone. Really?? Efficient??? What about me? What about my need for sex?? Not to mention our intimacy?? A few months ago he saw an email from a potential client from my work and it was inappropriate to say the least so he was so angry and told everyone I cheated on him. So he thinks that an email that I never read or responded to was cheating but him lusting after women on porn isn't. I don't understand. I would think that knowing he can't perform and please me that way he would go over and above to keep me sexually satisfied but I am so wrong I guess. For a long time he wouldn't lie about but now I have made it such a big deal he will lie about it so now I feel like a nagging wife and I hate that!! Also, in the recent past I was wanting his "help" for satisfaction and asked daily for 7 days and finally did it alone because he wouldn't help me. I am hurt, angry, bitter and just don't understand and would love some help or advice.

I feel your pain. I feel like I am a lot like you. I have never denied my husband. I have never given him an excuse to not have sex with him. I need it in some way everyday. My husband can go a week or 2 . Back in Jan 2015 I woke from a sleep and my husband was not in bed. I went downstairs to find him. He was sitting on our sofa with his pants down around d his ankles aND laptop in his lap. It was very dark and he could not see me. He stood up and I saw what he was doing. He could hear the stairs creek and ran to the bathroom. I turned the corner and said really? And went back upstairs. We got into a very long argument about it. About 3 hours. I was very hurt. He didn't even come to me and try anything. I am always willing and available. When I asked what he had on his computer he freaked and didn't want me to look. When I did it was disgusting. Some random older girl pleasuring herself close up on her lady parts. I had just had a baby 8 weeks prior to this. It devastated me. I already didn't feel good about my body. It has really affected our relationship. He always turns me down and it hurts. I don't feel wanted at all. I consider myself an attractive girl. I try and keep fit and we'll groomed. I just want you to know you are not alone. I came on the Internet to find what to do when I fell upon your post. I hope you are able to work through this.

And there is a lot more to porn addiction than just porn. When my husband got help with porn addiction, he came clean about everything. Besides letting me know that he imagined himself having all kinds of sex with the women of porn, I also learned that he fantasized about some of my friends, some of my family members, some of our neighbors, women we saw or met out in public, and all of his past relationships, including his ex-wife. For example, if we were eating in a restaurant & ran into a woman he found attractive, he would fantasize about her with me sitting right next to him, and then go to the bathroom and masturbate with her on his mind. Most of the time he would lose his erection when he tried to be with me, but when he could perform, he usually imagined I was someone else like his ex-wife. Can you imagine just how hurtful this all was? I could forgive him for the porn. But for the times that he was deep into fantasy over all these real women, including his ex-wife...not so easy to forgive. I am devastated. I am way better looking than his ex. People have always told him, "Wow! You're so lucky to have her compared to the first one." Plus, his ex cheated on him with his best friend & was physically abusive to him so...I can't imagine why it would be such a turn on to fantasize about her; the whole thing makes no sense to me. I wish another man could try to make sense of this or explain why my husband would do this to me. Even though my husband is doing well in healing from porn addiction, I am not doing well. I can't get his fantasy women out of my head, and I don't think I ever will. We live in a small town & I see some of these women almost every day. How can I heal from this pain?