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My husband and I have been, happily, together for almost 10 years. Just this month we bought our first house and moved out of the tiny condo we had been renting. My husband enjoys sex, but not with any frequency. He has sex with me maybe 4-5 times a month, which I have just accepted over the years. I'm a once maybe even twice a day kind of girl and my husband knows it, teases me about it and jokes about it. It's not something he isn't aware of. Our sex, when we have it, is very good; I have never told him no (i.e. i have a headache, tired, whatever) and I'm always willing to try ANYTHING he wants to try.
In our new house he has an entire room all to himself. His own 'man cave' for his hobbies and music. A couple days ago as I was unpacking boxes in one room I found something that belonged in the man cave so I brought it into the room and caught him with his shorts down and he was hanging out...when he realized I had come into the room he quickly pulled his shorts back up and I just thought...ehhh must have a ball itch or something. No big deal and completely put it out of my mind.
This morning was different.
I work nights so I sleep during the day normally. He left his cell phone in the bedroom and it rang and woke me up so I picked it up and brought it down stairs to the man cave. Now, I'm also severely nearsighted and didn't bother putting my glasses on but I didn't need them to know what was going on when I walked in. There was porn on his monitor, his shorts were down, he was fondling himself and there was a sock on his desk. He had his earphones on and didn't hear me come in until I set his cell in front of him. Then he jumped and pulled his shorts on and said "Excuse me!" not like...i was in his face but more like... he was sorry...
I quickly left the room and crawled back in bed and just lay there expecting him to come and.... I don't know...Talk to me? Want to finish with me if NOTHING else?! But no. Nothing. I heard him calling back the person who had called and then he went out.
Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep for work tonight. It isn't even so much that I feel cheated ON as I feel CHEATED. I am always wanting and willing and I only get sex 4 times a month and he has the selfish nerve to have sex without me? I stopped attempting to initiate sex between us years ago because I was getting hurt from all the rejection. So I wait for him to initiate. Then he goes and initiates himself without me. Now, if it is about the porn, I may even be willing to watch some occasionally WITH HIM DURING OUR sex... if he talked with me about it if that was something he wanted. I'm so ANGRY right now and less hurt but I am hurt. Why do I only get satisfied 4 times a month and then he can satisfy himself in between?
I'm 8 years younger than him, I'm a good looking woman, in good shape, well groomed, I've got two degrees and I work hard. The angry part of me is thinking "Well if he is allowed to have sex without me, I should be able to find some guy out there who would be willing to satisfy me." That's just the anger talking, I don't WANT anyone else... I just want what is mine ...as often as I can get it. I'm scared to breach the topic with him. I won't probably see him for another day do to my work/sleep schedule and his work, but I'm not even sure how to talk to him about it without just flipping out.
Why not have sex with an open, willing and adventurous partner but instead watch some crappy porn on a tiny monitor? HELP.
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Add a Comment26 Comments
I know how you feel. I just found out my husband masterbates while at work almost daily. He's also gotten texts from a woman at his work asking if he's horny. He hardly ever wants sex with me because he claims I want it too much. Now when we do have sex he looses his erection half way through sex.
September 5, 2015 - 8:51pmThis Comment
Most men are generally in the mood most of the time. We do not need to get in the mood, or be flattered into the mood, or have our asses kissed to be in the mood. We can have sex on a full stomach and when our hair isn't perfect. We can have sex when our mothers are in the hospital sick. We don't care if the kids hear. Most men only want foreplay to build-up pressure behind their orgasms. Otherwise, all we generally need is ten hot minutes. Most men are tired of fake orgasms, lack of interest, hearing about what we can and cannot do, and asking about what pleases our partners and getting no response. Porn is expeditious, hot, and free of any worry about the erratic needs and whims of unpredictable and complicated partners. For us sex is urgent. For women it seems optional.
September 5, 2015 - 4:18pmThis Comment
I am a husband who masturbates to porn. But my wife has seemingly lost all interest in sex with me. So for me it has come down to cheating or self satisfaction with porn. I would love to have a horny wife like you. Perhaps you can let him get excited for you by watching the porn, then you go jump his bones for the finish. At least that might be better than you being left out of his sex altogether.
May 25, 2015 - 7:32amThis Comment
For me,its a CHEATING.
February 14, 2015 - 3:57amSame problem with my husband. Been married for 5 years
Have 4 years old daughter and im 20 weeks pregnat with our
Baby boy! my husband is very addicted to porn.
I caught him ALOT of times and even denied it. Even i caught him
He will always say "i didnt do anything". im mad,really really mad and im fed up! It hurt me too much! Its cheating for me. Why masturbating when you have your partner to have sex with. My husband satisfied more watching porn and masturbate than having sex with me. My sex drive is soo high. He doesnt want sex with me because im pregnant and not good for the baby. He rejected me alot of time but love to masturbate. I even think of having "marriage councelling". Its unhealthy for marriage life. I dont care if someone masturbate hundred times a day if you are a single person. in our marriage life. I am the one who always initiate sex first. We dont even have foreplay. When i want sex,its like im forcing him.i started foreplay but he want me to go down and have actual sex and done! I told him alot of times that he hurt me so bad but he is insensitive and still doing it. He said hes not gonna fo it anymore but still he does! Made me so mad. I had to hit him. Im just fed up too much! I hit him alot of times everytime i caught him
Masturbating.couldnt handle it anymore. Thats the only time i hit him once i caught him masturbating and he still doing it.
This Comment
I went through the same thing with my husband of 30 yrs. Tell him that he is going to have to choose between you or porn. It is not going to be easy for him to quit. It is very hard to quit porn just like any other addiction. He may want to quit but just can't. Hitting him will not solve anything. I realize how hurt and angry you are; I've had all those feelings too. Tell him that he has to make a decision, either you or porn. Then he needs to show you that he is getting some serious help in order to quit the addiction. Then you can support him in his efforts to quit. If he won't get help, tell him you are leaving until he gets help, and mean it. Go stay with a friend or family member. Tell him you will return when he begins a recovery program so you will be there to support him. Tell him that if he makes no efforts to quit than you know that he loves porn better than you, & you will have no choice but to move on. If he really loves you, he will take this very seriously. My husband did quit porn after being addicted for many yrs because he knew that I was serious when I gave him the final ultimatum to choose between porn and me. He chose me, and is working hard every day to continue the road to recovery & be free of porn. Men often have slip ups on the road to recovery but that does not mean that they are going back to it. It often means they just have to change a few things & work harder. My husband hurt me so bad that I would no longer be with him if he didn't quit. I couldn't take the pain anymore. Even quitting doesn't completely take the pain away. You will never forget how bad he hurt you. But you won't live every single day in darkness & despair anymore. He has to love you enough to want to quit, and if he does, than he will succeed.
May 23, 2015 - 2:32pmThis Comment
My husband masturbated constantly around 2 am... Last time I just grabbed his hand and sat on him.... Make the move.
November 25, 2013 - 11:53amThis Comment