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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous July 20, 2009 - 1:30pm
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low libido in young women

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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. I have low libido for a young woman. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do? Why is there low libido in young women?

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi, i am 34 year old woman, i do foreplay with my lover past one year sometimes. My nipples get aroused, i feel once i got nipple orgasm also. But vagina is little tight and not able to put his one finger also, and vagina is not getting aroused,we are planning to have intercourse soon,but i feel still my vagina is not ready yet. please suggest me what to do.

June 13, 2017 - 12:26am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi I'm 23 been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. The first 1 1/2 years were wonderful. I never felt so beautiful. Then all of a sudden my sex drive just disappeared on me. Causing depression for both him and me. I was diagnosed with chronic migraines about the same time, but I've had them all my life. My medication indicates nothing to do with sex drive. I feel so bad to do this to him. Sometime I just force myself and even then it only lasts a few minutes. I have no connection to my downstairs and when I do I don't control it, and I dry up in a matter of minutes. I don't feel right saying that at 23. When I asked my doctor about it, her general answer was to "deal with it".

May 11, 2016 - 8:13am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

Thanks for reaching out to us and I'm sorry you're dealing with this at such an early age, too.

Anon, change your doctor. Your sex drive is important, especially as you are young and may want a family some day. You may have something wrong with your hormones and I advise you to re-check your medication to make sure it doesn't affect your sex drive. Just because it's not written on any side effects, doesn't mean it doesn't affect the libido.

Ask for a hormonal specialist and please don't give up. You need to be taken seriously so make sure you advocate for yourself.

Please keep us posted on how things progress.


May 11, 2016 - 2:00pm

Hi. I'm 27. I've been married to my husband for 3 years. I was a virgin before my marriage and was never as interested in sex as my friends. For about 2 years, we had an okay sex life, though he was the one to always initiate it. I had some problems with a recurrent yeast infection and I think I have a little vaginismus and dryness. In the past one year, my sexual drive is practically nonexistent. I don't think about sex and find it hard to get aroused. It's putting a real strain on my relationship. What do you think could be the problem. Could it be hormonal or psychological considering I was never sex-crazed at any point in my life. Thank you.

May 4, 2016 - 5:02pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Beemer)

Hi Beemer!

Thanks for your post!

I definitely think you should see your doctor about this, same as you would if other body parts weren't "working" properly. Some blood tests can see where you are in terms of your hormones which often are a cause of no sex drive.

Once you figure it out from a physical perspective, counselling can help. The media would lead us to believe that everyone is a sex maniac, dying for sex 24/7 and that's just not real life. So you're not alone.

Please make an appointment with your doctor to get the process started. I think it's also a good idea to tel you're husband you're taking steps to improve things.


May 5, 2016 - 6:41am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi I'm also having trouble with my sex drive. I am 21 years old, I have a boyfriend of 2 years and a 2 year old son. Between work and my son I can get tired and stressed. I used to be a very sexual person with my boyfriend but for the last year I have no desire for sex. I was on the Mirena IUD for about a year before I started having issues with pain and cysts rupturing in my uterus. I had the Mirena removed and have not experienced any more pain but since then I have gained some weight and also had trouble with minor acne and depression. I don't think I have low self esteem, I just have no desire for sex at all. This is ruining my relationship and I don't understand what is wrong with my body. Please help me.

March 4, 2016 - 8:28pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon
Thanks for writing!

There could be several causes, from something psychological to an issue with your hormones. So this could be a physical issue or emotional issue or both. It sounds to me like it's more of a physical problem. My advice is too see a doctor and start looking into why you had a sex drive and now you don't.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

March 7, 2016 - 3:24pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi I'm 23 years old, I have a son who is a year old.I have a handsome boyfriend of 5 months. At first our sex life was wonderful. But now I don't think about it or have the desire to have sex. It's pissing my boyfriend off and it gets to the point where we fight over it. Now. My pass relationship was with my sons father. I have been with him for 3years and I had the same problem with him towards the end of the relationship. Then I got it back for a few months with my boyfriend. Now I just don't want anything to do with sex. I don't want to fight anymore with him about it. I am on birth control. I have the copper iud. I just want the fighting to stop and make him happy . Please help

January 26, 2016 - 10:00am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi same here.I do love my husband I am not suffering from painful love making but I barely feel the organs
Plz help thank you

October 19, 2015 - 10:41pm
EmpowHER Guest

21 and I have lost my sex drive. I have a house, good paying job, and a attractive boyfriend. we have been together for over two years and during the first year things were electric. couldn't keep our hands off each other. however past 6 months I have had no sex drive that I don't want to kiss him casue I know he will lead it into sex. its gotten to the point where he is thinking about leaving cause there is no sex in our relationship or in his words no passion. I cant push myself to have sex when I don't want to. he puts me down about it making me feel bad and there are times when he says I should just deal with it and have sex with him cause he wants his needs met. it make me angry when he pushes me like this which makes me not want to have sex even more. is that wrong?

October 5, 2015 - 9:56am
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