ask: I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?
I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do?
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment34 Comments
Hi Anon
Thanks so much for your question and welcome!
At age 21, you shouldn't be having these problems so let's see how we can help to get you back on track.
For dryness, you can always use a lubricant like astroglide or KY jelly. But this will just treat symptoms, it won't 'fix' anything.
Have you had your hormone levels checked? You may want to do this and also have your thyroid checked.
You are right - a bad diet can really affect your sex life/sex drive but since you say your diet has improved, and your sex drive has not, it may be something else.
Your birth control pill may also be a factor - give your new pill some time and see if there are changes in how you feel. Not all birth control pills work for all women.
Please ask for a complete check from your doctor, including blood work for what I talked about above (and get your iron levels checked too, anemia can cause a person to be constantly tired). Your sexual health is very important and when any aspect of your health is troubled, you need to get it seen to.
Will you update us?
July 22, 2009 - 12:39pmThis Comment
I will keep you updated.
I have not started my new pill as of yet, but I will be starting this weekend. Hopefully, it helps.
When I was at the doctor 2 weeks ago they did full bloodwork on me, and nothing was out of the ordinary. Everything was normal.
I think my problem is that I almost feel ashamed to use lubricant. I feel embarrased.
My boyfriend and I have had more time to talk as well. And, because he has been having trouble too, I feel like sometimes I can't get excited because he isn't able to keep it.
We shall see what happens once we are both back home and on our regular diets and back to our regular routines.
Thanks for the help!
July 24, 2009 - 5:38amI have the same problem but I am not taking any pill. I am 24 years old and I do not have any sex drive.
February 3, 2010 - 7:50pmHi anon,
Can you tell us more about your situation?
Having a low or absent sex drive can be attributed to many things, and it is best to "rule out" the obvious first.
1. Do you currently have sexual partner(s)? If so, can you tell us more about this?
2. Do you have any medical conditions, or are you taking any medications?
3. How do you feel about your body in general? How do you feel about others seeing your body during intimate moments?
Have you always felt that you have an absent sex drive, or has someone commented negatively on your sex drive?
Are you able to become sexually aroused, including emotionally, mentally and physically?
The process of sexual arousal begins in our brains, and has as much to do with our thinking and feeling as it does the physical processes of arousal in our bodies. Knowing if you are concerned with not feeling or wanting to be intimate with someone, or if you are wanting to be but your body is not becoming physically aroused, are two important distinctions.
We look forward to hearing back from you!
August 8, 2010 - 7:31pmyou all need to hook up with someone that knows what they're doing.
November 21, 2010 - 6:38pmmy bf deff knows what there doing it has nothing to do with his performance its the best i've ever had thats why im so conserned
November 24, 2010 - 5:50pmHi anonymous! You are very young and I consider it to be normal what you are describing. I had no sex drive either at your age (I am 49 now with a wonderful sex drive and a man who handles it with the same excitement I do). This is my suggestion: Explore your body! Do you feel sexual when alone? Do you touch yourself? If not, I think you probably want to start there. Get naked girl! Soothing music, maybe candles, a mirror for explorations, and a lotion you d spent time to find that leaves your skin smooth but that smells like pleasure to you. Then start slow, learn your body. "listen" to your body. Feel the different sensations that different parts of your body gives you when you touch it. Go over every little bit, between your toes, behind your knees, the palm of your hand.. dance in the candle light, rap yourself in a huge silk scarf and explore. Don't expect him to awaken your body. learn to love it first. Then...seduce him. If you want more advice you let me know...Chances are you might be as healthy and normal as the rest of us...
August 8, 2010 - 5:39amHi... I saw one of you comments so I thought you might be a good person to ask for some advice. Okay so I'm 21 and I have been with my boyfriend for going on a year now. At first he wanted sex all the time and I wasn't really into it. Then after awhile now I want it like all the time and he usually never wants to do it. So I talked to him about it and he said it was because I don't get into it and I never start it. So here's my question... Do you have any advice on how to start sex. I am shy so I want it to be something easy. Like how do I let him know I want to have sex without telling him
August 23, 2010 - 10:21amHi Anon
Thanks for your question!
I think honesty is the best policy here. If you are in a relationship and having sex (at least occasionally) then you should not have to "try to have sex with him without telling him" - that doesn't really make sense and is more game-playing than anything else. It doesn't sound you WANT to play games but that you feel you may HAVE to?
If this is the case, then there is more wrong than just sex - you two have a communication problem and talking it out is more important than trying to have sneaky sex!
Have a conversation with him about the changes you see in your relationship and see where it takes you. Keep us updated, ok?
November 22, 2010 - 12:52pmMy best to you,
Susan
thank you! i think u might be right! i dont feel so weird after all now thank u :)
November 24, 2010 - 5:53pm