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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous July 20, 2009 - 1:30pm
 
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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do?

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Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon
Thanks for writing!

There could be several causes, from something psychological to an issue with your hormones. So this could be a physical issue or emotional issue or both. It sounds to me like it's more of a physical problem. My advice is too see a doctor and start looking into why you have never had a sex drive.

Good luck, I wish you the best.
Susan

August 24, 2015 - 6:15am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend for over three years. He is my best friend and we love each other very much. When we first met and first had sex we couldnt keep our hands off eachother. Now, and for the past year, I just dont have the want to do anything anymore. When we moved in together it seemed like all desire stopped dead in its tracks. I cant be bothered to even snuggle because i know it will lead to sex. My boyfriend is frustrated and doesn't understand how one day we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves and then the next day i just want to be left alone. To be honest I really dont understand either. Im on birth control to keep my periods manageable. We work oppisite shifts at work. I need to know why I dont have any sex drive what so ever at the age of 20. Is it because of stress, work birth control of all of the above? PLEASE HELP!?

August 15, 2015 - 1:09pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think it could be all of the above.

What kind of birth control are you on? The Pill is not as likely to disrupt sex drive but something like the coil -something like Mirena, can eliminate it completely. Please write back to us with more information.
Best,
Susan

August 17, 2015 - 6:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi I am 21 years old as well. I have three children. I use to love sex and now i feeled apauled by it. I feel horrible because i love my boyfriend of three years now. I really want to be able to have enjoyable innercourse with him, but i feel discusted by even just the word sex. I am very attracted to him. But i just dont want to be touched at all. And when we do have sex it hurts really bad.. But all in all i jist have no desire.. I really wish i did though. Someone please help..

February 20, 2015 - 1:21am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You need to see a doctor. Your pain and discomfort may be affecting your sex drive.  I think you need a physical examination but also perhaps a therapist, to uncover the physical and emotional reasons why this is happening. Read more here: 

http://www.empowher.com/sexual-health/content/women-fight-back-treatment...

Please keep us updated and we wish you the best,

Susan

February 20, 2015 - 6:57am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I too am 21 years old and have the same problem. I have NO sex drive whatsoever. I have been in a committed relationship for almost 5 years now and we have a 2 year old son. I am still very much attracted to him, but I have no desire for sex. He understands that things are different now but sometimes his feeling get hurt because he feels as if I don't love him or that I'm not attracted to him. Sex is very painful and my period is very painful. I have read into endometriosis, but it says that infertility goes along with that and since I have a child Im not sure if that's what's wrong. Does anyone have any suggestions?

February 12, 2015 - 9:57pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You need to see a doctor. Your pain and discomfort may be affecting your sex drive.  Many women with endo do have children (it's not always easy) but I do think you need a physical examination. 

Read more here: 

http://www.empowher.com/sexual-health/content/women-fight-back-treatment...

Please keep us updated and we wish you the best,

Susan

February 13, 2015 - 6:15am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Please help me. I've tried to talk to my friends, but it comes off as a big joke. I'm 21 years old. My boyfriend of about a year now is 24. We have an amazing relationship. When we first engaged in sex, we couldn't get enough of each other. We would do it three-five times a day. Work and school would get very time consuming and as we both became busy the sex slowed down. Neither of us were upset though. We still made time once or twice a week or whenever we could. Now here we are almost a year later, and I have zero interest in the bedroom. Last month, we had intercourse twice. Once being a special occasion that I made as short as possible because I wasn't interested. I love him! I love cuddling and kissing him. I just am never turned on anymore. And that's never been an issue for me. I have been on the same birth control for 4-5 years & we do spend a lot of time together..but I feel the problem is much more severe than I want to believe. I'm embarrassed to go to the doctor because I am from a small town and everyone would find out. If anyone has any insight into what the problem could be, please help! My boyfriend has cried thinking he isn't good enough for me, which isn't the case and it breaks my heart. I need an answer. Please.

December 17, 2014 - 10:30pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hey Hun you are obviously both working a lot which is understandable if been in the same position as you what I think you should do what has helped me is when u are intimate slow it down to kissing and talking to each other whilst your doing it about how the other person makes you feel communication is key. Try extending foreplay for as long as you can .

January 22, 2015 - 2:01pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You do need to talk to someone about this. 

Small town or not, your medical team has no right to talk about your health issues - in fact, it's against the law. 

So please make an appointment to talk to someone - you may need to health tests to make sure you're ok. 

Best,

Susan

January 9, 2015 - 5:04pm
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