EmpowHER Guest

ask: I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous
Rate This

I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do?

Add a Comment64 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

hi, I am a 28 year old female and I have no urge when it comes to wanting to have sex. what is wrong with me. it's is effecting my relationship to the point he may want to leave. We have 3 kids we have be on and off for 9 years. But over the past yr or more I really don't care about having sex. Thier are a fee issues we stay at his dad's house were his brother, sister, dad, two nephews, our 3 kids and me and him. So if we do have sex we have to sneak around about it bc thier so many people in the house. Most of the time I do not initiate sex unless I have had a drink that is the only time I really wanna have sex. Sometimes that does not even help. I lI've hum very much and tell him we need out own time alone once in a while but he ignore that. I tell him to shoe me some affection he ignore that, but says he shows me it. In the past year I have gained some weight, lost my job, I an ib the house 24/7, I don't ever get out. I try to explain to him that this is effecting me but he says iam just making excuses. I want to have sex and I know if we did it more we would both be happier but I just don't have the urge what's wrong with me. maybe I am depressed in a way. idk please help I need advice quick before it's too late

August 31, 2015 - 6:57am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm not remotely surprised that you have no sex drive. Look at how your life is set up - weight gain, lack of job, a non-committed relationship (it's on/off), you don't have your own home and the one you do have is filled with far too many people. I would think you probably are depressed.

You have to change these circumstances and your depression may lift. Weight gain isn't good for you and get a job - any job for now, so you can lose weight and gain some self-esteem with a paycheck.

Your partner sounds disengaged from the relationship too. I can understand how communication is hard living in such a full house.

This has to change. If your partner won't then do it yourself. Get employment and save money. Get yourself into your own apartment. Contact social services to see how they can help. Your partner will either support you or he won't but you need to take care of YOU and your children.

Please stay in touch with us!

August 31, 2015 - 3:57pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

well right now we can't move because we all help take care of his dad who is elderly. His mother past away almost 2 yrs ago. His parents are like my parents so unless something happens to his dad we won't move. I agree I need to get a job that is the top thing on my list. I wanna have a sex drive I just don't know how to get him to understand what I am going through. we live like a married couple with out excitement for our selfs. how do I explaine to him that it's important to make time for our selfs together alone with no kids no family just us

September 1, 2015 - 12:27pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Make a time, Anon.

Go out to eat or take a walk in a park. You have to make time and so does he. Just do what you can to get an hour together where there's no-one around and no pressure. You can't make him say yes but you can give it your best shot.

September 1, 2015 - 6:00pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am 23 years old healthy female and I have no sex drive and feel no pleasure while having sex. I have been with my partner for 3 years and feel very comfortable with him, we have a son together. I have not felt pleasure with other partners in the past. Any ideas that could be wrong?

August 22, 2015 - 6:41pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon
Thanks for writing!

There could be several causes, from something psychological to an issue with your hormones. So this could be a physical issue or emotional issue or both. It sounds to me like it's more of a physical problem. My advice is too see a doctor and start looking into why you have never had a sex drive.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

August 24, 2015 - 6:15am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend for over three years. He is my best friend and we love each other very much. When we first met and first had sex we couldnt keep our hands off eachother. Now, and for the past year, I just dont have the want to do anything anymore. When we moved in together it seemed like all desire stopped dead in its tracks. I cant be bothered to even snuggle because i know it will lead to sex. My boyfriend is frustrated and doesn't understand how one day we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves and then the next day i just want to be left alone. To be honest I really dont understand either. Im on birth control to keep my periods manageable. We work oppisite shifts at work. I need to know why I dont have any sex drive what so ever at the age of 20. Is it because of stress, work birth control of all of the above? PLEASE HELP!?

August 15, 2015 - 1:09pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post and I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think it could be all of the above.

What kind of birth control are you on? The Pill is not as likely to disrupt sex drive but something like the coil -something like Mirena, can eliminate it completely. Please write back to us with more information.

August 17, 2015 - 6:43am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi I am 21 years old as well. I have three children. I use to love sex and now i feeled apauled by it. I feel horrible because i love my boyfriend of three years now. I really want to be able to have enjoyable innercourse with him, but i feel discusted by even just the word sex. I am very attracted to him. But i just dont want to be touched at all. And when we do have sex it hurts really bad.. But all in all i jist have no desire.. I really wish i did though. Someone please help..

February 20, 2015 - 1:21am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You need to see a doctor. Your pain and discomfort may be affecting your sex drive.  I think you need a physical examination but also perhaps a therapist, to uncover the physical and emotional reasons why this is happening. Read more here: 


Please keep us updated and we wish you the best,


February 20, 2015 - 6:57am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Female Sexual Dysfunction

Get Email Updates

Female Sexual Dysfunction Guide

Rosa Cabrera RN

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!


3655 Health


2248 Lives


2087 Lives
13 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More

Take Our Featured Health Poll

Do you think medical companies should continue to search for a "female Viagra" in the hopes of one day receiving FDA approval?
Not sure
Don't Care
Total: 435 Votes