Female Sexual Dysfunction

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ask: I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous
 
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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Please help me. I've tried to talk to my friends, but it comes off as a big joke. I'm 21 years old. My boyfriend of about a year now is 24. We have an amazing relationship. When we first engaged in sex, we couldn't get enough of each other. We would do it three-five times a day. Work and school would get very time consuming and as we both became busy the sex slowed down. Neither of us were upset though. We still made time once or twice a week or whenever we could. Now here we are almost a year later, and I have zero interest in the bedroom. Last month, we had intercourse twice. Once being a special occasion that I made as short as possible because I wasn't interested. I love him! I love cuddling and kissing him. I just am never turned on anymore. And that's never been an issue for me. I have been on the same birth control for 4-5 years & we do spend a lot of time together..but I feel the problem is much more severe than I want to believe. I'm embarrassed to go to the doctor because I am from a small town and everyone would find out. If anyone has any insight into what the problem could be, please help! My boyfriend has cried thinking he isn't good enough for me, which isn't the case and it breaks my heart. I need an answer. Please.

December 17, 2014 - 10:30pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hey Hun you are obviously both working a lot which is understandable if been in the same position as you what I think you should do what has helped me is when u are intimate slow it down to kissing and talking to each other whilst your doing it about how the other person makes you feel communication is key. Try extending foreplay for as long as you can .

January 22, 2015 - 2:01pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You do need to talk to someone about this. 

Small town or not, your medical team has no right to talk about your health issues - in fact, it's against the law. 

So please make an appointment to talk to someone - you may need to health tests to make sure you're ok. 

Best,

Susan

January 9, 2015 - 5:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have the same problem, I'm 21 year old female and I'm head over heels for my boyfriend. And like most men he wants to have sex all the time. I do not, hardly ever do I want to and I don't understand it I was never like that 2 years ago but all of a sudden it was gone. I read that it could be mybirth control but iI've been on the same one since I was maybe 18 so I don't know... it's very depressing though. Any help would be great

October 29, 2014 - 8:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi Anon,

PLEASE HELP ME, I HAVE SOME MAJOR ISSUES!!

I am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 25 years old. So my boyfriend LOVES sex lives, breaths and sleeps sex. We've been together 3 years. In his perfect world he'd have sex 3 times a day breakfast, lunch and dinner at least 5 days a week! Now as you may imagine I AM NOT A MACHINE!!! I on the other hand have a very low sex drive and I am turned on emotionally, If I feel good on the inside I can show it physically. This is something that my boyfriend does not understand at all. He says that sex has nothing to do with my emotional needs and that I am "selfish" and "stubborn" and depriving him of his "boyfriend" rights.

So with all this in mind I try twice a day at least 2 days a week. He still complains!!! The sex for me is now more like washing the dishes or hoovering, its not enjoyable as I MUST do it else there will be no peace in the house. I literally feel like am being RAPPED some of the time. In my perfect world I would like sex once or twice a week. I love my boyfriend and believe he loves me too hence why I have put up with all this. How can I make him see that there is more to the relationship than just sex? I wish he put in as much effort in the rest of our relationship as he does sex. He also says that I should be grateful he hasn't cheated on me as I am not meeting his needs according to his specifications.

He also has the idea that all other couples out there live, breath and eat sex so there's definitely something wrong with me. Is this the case? or Am I a mug?

PLEASE HELP, ALL ADVICE WELCOME.

June 15, 2012 - 9:32am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

it think you might be with the wrong person. if he really loves you he should be more understanding about that issue. i would suggest you to find a partner that meets your needs in terms of sex.
if you cant come up with a compromise about the amount of sex you have with your bf.
and remember, if someone tell you that you are "selfish" or "stubborn" or anything else it is because that person is having himself the exact problem.

December 29, 2014 - 5:01am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

He's abusive.

There is no such thing as "boyfriend privileges" its not like just because he is a "boyfriend" to a girl that he gets to sleep with her whenevr he wants. The fact that he calls you selfish because the way he tries to have sex with you doesnt work for you or because you cant put out everyday multiple times a day is abusive. It puts it in your head that youve done something wrong and you havent.

Many women experience sexual dysfunction at this age.

You cannot change him. He will only change if he wants to and clearly he doesnt think he needs to change because he sees it as your fault and as something he is entitled to.

This post is two years old I hope you have managed to leave him. he doesmt care about you and he probably wont ever, hes in i for himself.

November 4, 2014 - 2:14pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Your boyfriend sounds awful, really. I'm sorry to say it but he's treating you like a piece of meat he wants to bang all day and couldn't care less about your emotional needs. 

When both couples have a different sex drive, compromise is key. You're doing your best but he's not interested in understanding you at all. How does he know about other couples and how other people live - he's only 25, and has hardly a life of experience behind him. 

Does he date you, treat you well, hug and kiss you, take walks with you or sit and chat with you over dinner? Does he care about your health and your wellbeing? If not, he's nothing more than a jack rabbit wanting to have sex all day. Don't put up with that kind of ridiculous behavior anymore. 

Best,

Susan

October 20, 2014 - 5:32am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

hi,
want a real partnership in bd

January 3, 2015 - 7:35am
louise0820

I am a 20 year old female and my sex drive is lost far far away. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and used to be long distance - where our sex was great. Now we live together and I feel so guilty because he always wants to have sex, and I WANT to, but my body will not cooperate. I am on Loestrin 24 Fe, the same birth control I was on as a teenager when my sex drive was at an extreme high. I also do not feel comfortable masturbating.. the thought of it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. This used to never be an issue for me and I am so young, I just want to please my boyfriend.

June 15, 2012 - 6:30am
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