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ask: I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous July 20, 2009 - 1:30pm
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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do?

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi same here.I do love my husband I am not suffering from painful love making but I barely feel the organs
Plz help thank you

October 19, 2015 - 10:41pm
EmpowHER Guest

21 and I have lost my sex drive. I have a house, good paying job, and a attractive boyfriend. we have been together for over two years and during the first year things were electric. couldn't keep our hands off each other. however past 6 months I have had no sex drive that I don't want to kiss him casue I know he will lead it into sex. its gotten to the point where he is thinking about leaving cause there is no sex in our relationship or in his words no passion. I cant push myself to have sex when I don't want to. he puts me down about it making me feel bad and there are times when he says I should just deal with it and have sex with him cause he wants his needs met. it make me angry when he pushes me like this which makes me not want to have sex even more. is that wrong?

October 5, 2015 - 9:56am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I have this same problem did u find out what was causing urs?

November 12, 2015 - 7:21pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

What kind of birth control are you on? The Pill is not as likely to disrupt sex drive but something like the coil -something like Mirena, can eliminate it completely. Please write back to us with more information.

October 5, 2015 - 4:11pm
EmpowHER Guest

hi, I am a 28 year old female and I have no urge when it comes to wanting to have sex. what is wrong with me. it's is effecting my relationship to the point he may want to leave. We have 3 kids we have be on and off for 9 years. But over the past yr or more I really don't care about having sex. Thier are a fee issues we stay at his dad's house were his brother, sister, dad, two nephews, our 3 kids and me and him. So if we do have sex we have to sneak around about it bc thier so many people in the house. Most of the time I do not initiate sex unless I have had a drink that is the only time I really wanna have sex. Sometimes that does not even help. I lI've hum very much and tell him we need out own time alone once in a while but he ignore that. I tell him to shoe me some affection he ignore that, but says he shows me it. In the past year I have gained some weight, lost my job, I an ib the house 24/7, I don't ever get out. I try to explain to him that this is effecting me but he says iam just making excuses. I want to have sex and I know if we did it more we would both be happier but I just don't have the urge what's wrong with me. maybe I am depressed in a way. idk please help I need advice quick before it's too late

August 31, 2015 - 6:57am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm not remotely surprised that you have no sex drive. Look at how your life is set up - weight gain, lack of job, a non-committed relationship (it's on/off), you don't have your own home and the one you do have is filled with far too many people. I would think you probably are depressed.

You have to change these circumstances and your depression may lift. Weight gain isn't good for you and get a job - any job for now, so you can lose weight and gain some self-esteem with a paycheck.

Your partner sounds disengaged from the relationship too. I can understand how communication is hard living in such a full house.

This has to change. If your partner won't then do it yourself. Get employment and save money. Get yourself into your own apartment. Contact social services to see how they can help. Your partner will either support you or he won't but you need to take care of YOU and your children.

Please stay in touch with us!

August 31, 2015 - 3:57pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

well right now we can't move because we all help take care of his dad who is elderly. His mother past away almost 2 yrs ago. His parents are like my parents so unless something happens to his dad we won't move. I agree I need to get a job that is the top thing on my list. I wanna have a sex drive I just don't know how to get him to understand what I am going through. we live like a married couple with out excitement for our selfs. how do I explaine to him that it's important to make time for our selfs together alone with no kids no family just us

September 1, 2015 - 12:27pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Make a time, Anon.

Go out to eat or take a walk in a park. You have to make time and so does he. Just do what you can to get an hour together where there's no-one around and no pressure. You can't make him say yes but you can give it your best shot.

September 1, 2015 - 6:00pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am 23 years old healthy female and I have no sex drive and feel no pleasure while having sex. I have been with my partner for 3 years and feel very comfortable with him, we have a son together. I have not felt pleasure with other partners in the past. Any ideas that could be wrong?

August 22, 2015 - 6:41pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon
Thanks for writing!

There could be several causes, from something psychological to an issue with your hormones. So this could be a physical issue or emotional issue or both. It sounds to me like it's more of a physical problem. My advice is too see a doctor and start looking into why you have never had a sex drive.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

August 24, 2015 - 6:15am
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