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Female Sexual Dysfunction Guide

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ask: I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous
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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do?

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EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problem, I'm 21 year old female and I'm head over heels for my boyfriend. And like most men he wants to have sex all the time. I do not, hardly ever do I want to and I don't understand it I was never like that 2 years ago but all of a sudden it was gone. I read that it could be mybirth control but iI've been on the same one since I was maybe 18 so I don't know... it's very depressing though. Any help would be great

October 29, 2014 - 8:04pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anon,


I am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 25 years old. So my boyfriend LOVES sex lives, breaths and sleeps sex. We've been together 3 years. In his perfect world he'd have sex 3 times a day breakfast, lunch and dinner at least 5 days a week! Now as you may imagine I AM NOT A MACHINE!!! I on the other hand have a very low sex drive and I am turned on emotionally, If I feel good on the inside I can show it physically. This is something that my boyfriend does not understand at all. He says that sex has nothing to do with my emotional needs and that I am "selfish" and "stubborn" and depriving him of his "boyfriend" rights.

So with all this in mind I try twice a day at least 2 days a week. He still complains!!! The sex for me is now more like washing the dishes or hoovering, its not enjoyable as I MUST do it else there will be no peace in the house. I literally feel like am being RAPPED some of the time. In my perfect world I would like sex once or twice a week. I love my boyfriend and believe he loves me too hence why I have put up with all this. How can I make him see that there is more to the relationship than just sex? I wish he put in as much effort in the rest of our relationship as he does sex. He also says that I should be grateful he hasn't cheated on me as I am not meeting his needs according to his specifications.

He also has the idea that all other couples out there live, breath and eat sex so there's definitely something wrong with me. Is this the case? or Am I a mug?


June 15, 2012 - 9:32am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

He's abusive.

There is no such thing as "boyfriend privileges" its not like just because he is a "boyfriend" to a girl that he gets to sleep with her whenevr he wants. The fact that he calls you selfish because the way he tries to have sex with you doesnt work for you or because you cant put out everyday multiple times a day is abusive. It puts it in your head that youve done something wrong and you havent.

Many women experience sexual dysfunction at this age.

You cannot change him. He will only change if he wants to and clearly he doesnt think he needs to change because he sees it as your fault and as something he is entitled to.

This post is two years old I hope you have managed to leave him. he doesmt care about you and he probably wont ever, hes in i for himself.

November 4, 2014 - 2:14pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Your boyfriend sounds awful, really. I'm sorry to say it but he's treating you like a piece of meat he wants to bang all day and couldn't care less about your emotional needs. 

When both couples have a different sex drive, compromise is key. You're doing your best but he's not interested in understanding you at all. How does he know about other couples and how other people live - he's only 25, and has hardly a life of experience behind him. 

Does he date you, treat you well, hug and kiss you, take walks with you or sit and chat with you over dinner? Does he care about your health and your wellbeing? If not, he's nothing more than a jack rabbit wanting to have sex all day. Don't put up with that kind of ridiculous behavior anymore. 



October 20, 2014 - 5:32am

I am a 20 year old female and my sex drive is lost far far away. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and used to be long distance - where our sex was great. Now we live together and I feel so guilty because he always wants to have sex, and I WANT to, but my body will not cooperate. I am on Loestrin 24 Fe, the same birth control I was on as a teenager when my sex drive was at an extreme high. I also do not feel comfortable masturbating.. the thought of it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. This used to never be an issue for me and I am so young, I just want to please my boyfriend.

June 15, 2012 - 6:30am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to louise0820)

have him lick your clit he should enjoy that as much as you and it should get you wet

October 19, 2014 - 5:01am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to louise0820)

I hope you find this reply.
I'm 23, married for 2 years, and have zero sex drive with my husband and have zero interest in pleasing myself alone.
Have things changed for you since you posted this? Can you offer me any advice? I feel completely lost and I can't find anyone (that I know) who is going through the same thing as me.

Thank you..

May 22, 2013 - 12:57pm

Hi, I am a 21 year old female. I had a daughter 16 months ago (her father and I are still together, just not married.) I haven't been able to find the want to have sex. Don't get me wrong, we have our ups and downs, but I really love him and I want him to know that I love him. It's really stressful on our relationship. I feel like I should force myself to have sex with him, even if I don't want to, because it's my fault that I'm like this.

Whenever I try to explain to him what is going on with me, he insists that I'm lying and I just don't love him anymore. I really need help with this, because I don't believe our relationship will last much longer without the closeness of having sex. It has taken a large toll on us already.

I also feel extremely self conscious about this, I don't understand where the urge went. My other mommy friends say that nothing has changed with their libido, so am I just defective? Am I never going to find the desire ever again? Is there anything over the counter that I can take to help with this?

Please, and Thank you.

April 27, 2012 - 3:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to haileyveeneman)

Red Flag he thinks your lying about your sexual dysfunction..

He doesnt understand how sex works for women.

Your body physically isnt responding to the desire to have sex. Thats not your fault, you arent defective. Its the equivalent to male erecritle dysfunction. You just cant get it up. The solution isnt easy you probably need Therapy.

Your partner is not respecting you or how difficult this situation is for you. Thats wrong...

November 4, 2014 - 2:27pm
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