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I am forced to move and I need help on how to cope, both physically and emotionally..

By November 28, 2011 - 10:00am
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I suffer from chronic major depression, MG, fibromyalgia, CFS, degenerative disc disease and generalized osteoarthritis. I have a lot of trouble coping with change, and now I not only have the emotional issues but all the physical limitations against me. Can anyone offer some practical coping skills or mechanisms I could implement to help me through this traumatic time. I can no longer live alone and must move in with someone, since I cannot afford assisted living and am too young (67) to go into a nursing home. I still have some independence. Thank you in advance for any help someone could offer.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi bbnrse

Thanks for your post and welcome!

I'm sorry you are finding yourself with such a transition to deal with.

Moving can end up being a great thing - think about the positives because you have to! Since you have no other options, negative thinking will only make things worse.

You haven't given us many details. Are you staying in town or moving out of town? Do you know your new room-mate already? Will you be equal renters or are you moving into someone's home as their tenant? All of these scenarios can make a difference in how you may cope.

 First, make sure all the legalities are clear - your rights as a tenant etc, as well as your housekeeping, petty cash for shared household goods (paper towels, milk, sugar etc) and that sort of thing. Sign a rental agreement; have it notarized.

Send out moving notices to friends, family, banks, utility companies - to anyone who knows you from a business and personal standpoint.

To ease with the transition, make your new bedroom the same way as your last (if you like it as it is, if not, look on it as an opportunity to make some changes in decor). By keeping your personal spaces (bedroom, bathroom) familiar, you won't feel like a stranger in your new home.

If ok with your new room-mate, have a little "house-warming" in your new place. Have people you know bring some potluck items, all you have to do it provide the new space! Make a simple craft for favors.

I hope this helps but let us know more of your circumstances so we can help you more and again, make sure you have a legal rental agreement.

I hope these changes are smooth for you and turn out to be the best thing you could have done for yourself!

We hope to hear more from you!


November 28, 2011 - 10:42am
(reply to Susan Cody)

I am moving out of state and moving in with an old girlfriend. We have known each other since 1989 and for awhile we lived together. It ended less than amicably and for a year we had no contact. But we are friends once again and the past is in the past......I hope. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I feel this is in both our interests to move in together. She, too, is in poor health. She has a caregiver that comes two hours a day. I do not know anyone else in NC so it will be her for awhile, until I can get into a church and meet other people. I have to admit it is a little apprehensive, but I don't think about it. I don't want to deny the past, but I think we have worked things out. We have lots of plans of things to do together. I'll be moving into the apt. she already has. She was sharing it with her son but he is moving out. It is a two bedroom two bath apt. and I'll have the master bedroom that she said was in the back of the apt. It is near stores and she is established with doctors there. I will make sure we have a rental agreement, because that was part of the problem before. She refused to pay rent. She felt she did her part by cooking and cleaning even though she signed lease papers in the office. I could not afford a lawyer and she knew it so nothing changed. She said she wasn't going to put me on the lease until May when it comes up for renewal. Is that a good idea? I don't know.

November 28, 2011 - 1:46pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to bbnrse)

Hi again bbnrse

Firstly, NC is a beautiful state so I envy you that!

I don't think it's a good idea to move in until May with no rental agreement. I would not move in at all, unless I had a rental agreement first. May is a very long way away if things aren't working out well. Since she has a history of unrealistic expectations (refusing to pay rent just because she does housework) I think it's a BAD idea to wing it until May. You can easily contact the rental office an have yourself put on the lease.

Have you spoken to her about not repeating her past behaviors? Make sure you're firm in your agreement that you both have to do your part, both financially and around the house. She has let you down on this exact topic before and I'd hate to think of someone making a huge move only to find out that her past behavior was your sign of her future behavior.

If it does work out, it could be a great thing. Do you think you'll end up a couple again (is that the plan) or are you just friends? You might want to be clear on that too! The apartment and location and amenities/services sound very good so it could be a great arrangement. But considering your history, be careful and please get an agreement before you move in.

Stay in touch with us!


November 29, 2011 - 12:18pm
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