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I am getting really upset. My boyfriend doesn't seem interested in having sex with me...

By April 8, 2011 - 6:02am
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I am 24 and he is 47. We have been together for about a year and a half, living together for a year. Before anyone comments on the age thing, know that we love each other very much, and if anyone were to see us together they wouldn't think a thing of it -we fit :) The reason I include our ages is that I wonder if that is the reason for the decline?
We used to have sex everyday, now it's about once a week. It is really taking an axe to my self confidence. I have tried initiating things. I have dropped hints like bombs. For example I asked him to bring me home batteries for my 'toys'

He asked me why?... and I told him it's because I'm not getting enough from him...
I have gone about it in nicer ways too, I don't get it?! A vibrator is not an acceptable substitue! I want to make love, share love, be loved! I've tried being naughty too... I've tried letting my gaurd down and doing freakier things in the bedroom -lol. I know his ex was a real skank. I thought maybe if I let loose a bit he would be more interested... nothing is working...
It's not the actual act that is the problem, we do fabulously there.
It is getting things going. He never wants to. He never reaches for me. It makes me want to cry even when I write this now. Last night his lack of intrest made me so mad I got up, and went to sleep on the couch :(
What is causing this?
I keep thinking he is cheating on me. I really don't think he is. He is such a good man. I have been betrayed by every other guy I have every been with though. I feel like if he is not interested in me he must be interested in someone else.
I am an attractive women, and I have been willing to try whatever, I just don't get it.

How do I get him to want me -the way I want him?

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EmpowHER Guest

I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 23 we live together and have a child of 4 months. We haven't had sex for 7 months. Every time I tell him let's have sex he makes an excuse of oh did the dr say it was ok? Oh I don't want to use a condom get on birth control first, oh I'm not in the mood, oh I feel awkward because of the baby, oh sex isn't that Inportant to me. It's been months and he won't even touch me. I can't seem to understand at all? He deprives me from sex. I talked to him about it and he says it's not because of my body and that he does love me. He says ok we'll have Alex and more weeks pass by and still nothing I feel so angry already I really don't know why or what's wrong with him. He says he's not cheating but then why won't he have sex with me? I lost so much weight and I try and look good for him but can't even get a touch on the shoulder. Please help I don't know what else to do?

September 20, 2015 - 1:27pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have had the same in the past, & I caught my husband watching porn......
Ya, I know guys...everyone does it right? Its normal you say..... Maybe you all should read up on the effects that porn has on guys & relationships. I have done a lot of reading this last couple of months & let me tell you, everything that I have read says that porn is bad for the guy & bad for the relationship (the relationships like mine where I hate porn)..it degrades women & makes men think that the things that are happening in the movies is real & then they want some of that, guess what guys, those things are normal in the movies, it is not so much real in real life. Here is a small paragraph of one of the articles that I read...........

The Benefits of Watching Porn...

Whether you’re a porn virgin or have been viewing for years, it’s important not to think of porn as a how-to guide. “Trying to learn how to be a better lover by watching mainstream porn is like trying to learn how to be a better driver by watching The Fast and the Furious. It’s a bad idea,” says sex educator Reid Mihalko. You would never treat people’s bodies the way they do in a porno, plus most of the positions are cheated and parts are edited out, he explains. And remember that, as with regular movies, you’re watching actors, so don’t compare yourself to them.

I am concerned that couples today are not having the loving relationships that our grandparents had, probably because they did not have high speed internet porn. I also read up on this....guess what...guys in their 20's are having erectile dysfunction......that is unheard of.....anyone want to rethink their porn use? Go ahead, read about the effects of porn, & young guys having problems....it is really sad.
I just thought that I would stick in my message because I am concerned & am going through this now. Hope everyone does their homework in order to help the relationships that you want to save. Also, watch videos of guys talking about quitting watching porn & how much better their sex lives, libidos & relationships became. It is never to late to break a habit, especially if it is affecting your sex life with your partner.
Good luck all.

September 10, 2015 - 2:21pm
EmpowHER Guest

Well my boyfriend is 23 and he has some problem with getting down to it. I never understand. I've even out a sexy outfit on and walked in the room all exited and he looked at me and I sat in the bed when you kiss him and he said'good finger yourself in the bathroom' I'm sorry to use that Language but I just thought id share... But I took it off a through it straight in the bin. I feel Fat and ugly I have no self of steem I used to be the one out off the girls to be out going and the first one to pull but now il completely opersite

August 5, 2015 - 12:37pm
EmpowHER Guest

Guys we need to help each other :(,

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 2 years, we have sex 2 times a week if it's a good week, we've been together a while but surly not that long that the sex should be bad... When we get down to it he just doesn't seem interested what so ever, sometime I see him just watching the TV whilst actually doing it.... I hear these people that have great see lives and tbh I get jealous. I want him to want to have sex with me. It's me that has to ask. Me that had to do most off the work. He doesn't get hard unless touch him. And even then he's not that keen... I love him very very much and we have been through a hell of a lot. Surly that would make you stronger. I ask my friends and they say he's cheating. But I'm with him a lot and I pretty much live with him. I just want to make love. Even when we are getting down to it it's hard to try to get him to kiss me, squeeze me or even touch me, we used to be amazing at it. But now... I just feel I'm making him do it. I wish it was how it used to be. But we have other problems but it's pushing me away. And I'm scared one day I'll end up walking away. I'm glad I'm not the only female who feels the same way, someone reply so I don't feel like a twat.... I just want a good shag lol!

August 5, 2015 - 12:30pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hello, I have a similar problem as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He is 27 I am 21. Our problem is that he never seems to want to have sex with me. When I talk to him about it he says he has a low sex drive. I some what believe this because I have found porn on his cell phone before and if i ask him how many times he masterbated he will tell me. I feel like he chooses porn and masterbatimg over having sex with me. Like most of you girls, I want to make love, be loved and so on. This is really making me go crazy. And on top of it all about a year ago he tells me he doesn't want to get married or have kids. What do I do now :'(

May 25, 2015 - 5:30pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Girl run! Dont give ur everything to get nothing

February 7, 2016 - 12:07pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend is 47, I am 42, we have been together 7 months and live together. In the beginning we had sex every day, sometimes 2,3,4 times a day. The sex is the best ever for both of us, really spectacular. But the past month it has been once a week, and even then its like pulling teeth, I always have to initiate. I have tried talking to him, telling him how it makes me feel unloved and undesirable, and it ends up in a fight, with me in tears and him shutting down. Last night he said thats all I want from him. So not true! What healthy man with a naked woman in bed says no? It makes me wonder if he is cheating, especially because he used to be so into it too. I am ready to call it quits, I was in a sexless marriage for years and will not do it again. :(

December 3, 2014 - 6:44am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months now.. I am 38 and he is 40. It was generally daily. Now not so frequent. My self esteem is pretty low over this. He says it isn't me, but what else am I ti think..He says hes stressed etc. I am stressed too but hello having sex and making love is a good stress relief. Last night, after he teased me again ... let me back up. He teases me saying sexual innuendos. .. and how tonight we are gonna have sex then nothing..so last night after him teasing me.... nothing ... I said nothing but he sorta turned on me as usual...he said I dont satisfy you and I dont make u happy. .. omg he does. . I dont get it.. it makes me so sad and depressed!!

October 28, 2014 - 4:03am
EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problem and I am so unsure of what to do we fight all the time about it and my self esteem is very low now. I am 19 and he is 21 there is no reason he should loose his sex drive expecially at a young age I always worry that this is what it's going to be like in long run but worse. This seems like lots of girl have this same problem and struggle with sex. My boyfriend thinks it is all I care about but to be loved and held is all I want. I know he is not cheating we can usually figure that out but what to do?

January 24, 2013 - 8:54pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have to say i am in a similair situation, and i have only been with my bloke for a year, i am 21 and he 29 and well his sex drive seems to have hit rock bottom, whenever i mention it we have a row or he moans that sex is everthing to me blah blah blah but no its not i just want to have it more tham what we do, granted when we have it its fab but its always me that starts, iove asked him if he wants to split ill walk away nio poblem asked himn if he wants anyone else i get no he just has a low sex dribe but how can this suddenly start, i dont understand.

November 22, 2012 - 2:26pm
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