Facebook Pixel
Q: 

I am not sure my boyfriend is attracted to me. Please help!!!

By July 22, 2009 - 11:05pm
 
Rate This

My boyrfriend and I have been together for just a little over 10 months now. We are both divorced and in our very early 30's. Our relationship, for the most part, has been wonderful. We do everything together and talk about everything...we have no secrets from eachother. We have arguments like anyone else but I wouldn't say they are very bad. We have been talking about marriage and having a child together for the last couple months (he brought it up) and I think he is going to propose soon. (I overheard him talking about the ring.) However, our sex life has been the exception to everything else in our relationship. I love making love with him but he acts like he really doesn't care about it. For example, we are both in bed relaxed and i start kissing on him, he will make up an excuse as to why he doesn't want to make love with me, ie im too tired, have bladder infection, headache, stressed etc. It is never about getting in the mood, the idea is cut off right from the start. We had not made love for about 3 weeks and when we tried, he couldn't get an erection. No big deal, we cuddled and I assured him it was fine...it happens. A few days later, same thing, couldn't get erect at all. That was a week and a half ago. We tried tonite and still nothing. I asked him if he is masturbating and he said he has and last time was four days ago. He had no problem getting an erection or ejaculating then, so there probably isnt anything wrong with him. I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. He doesn't look at me with desire, even when I am naked, and he doesn't touch me in sexual ways unless we were making love. He tells me he IS attracted to me and it's not me it's him. I love this man sooo much and I want to marry him more than anything in the world but I am not sure that I can go the rest of my life without having sex. Please somebody give me some advice..I am desperate.

Add a Comment61 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm having the same kind of issue. Im 19, and my boyfriend is 34. We've been together for a little over a year. Our sex life was amazing for the first couple months, then it slowed doen and now it seems we haven't had sex in two months. I've tried everything... new lingerie, oral all the time randomly, compliments all the time, just touching him in a seductive way, kissing him, trying to have sex in new places or the usual, nothing works. He says he's always to tired. I'm afraid he's not attracted to me anymore. He never looks at me with desire despite what new sexy panties or bra I buy, or even completely naked. He says he is but never shows it. Its very crushing to my self esteem, because I once believed I was hot.. but now I'm not so sure. I don't know what to do.

May 13, 2017 - 8:34pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 1 yr. At the begining our sex life was amazing, we didnt live together but when he slept over we had sex 2-3 times in a row. He is very outgoing and makes it seem like he's very sexual, he likes to talk a big game around people, I don't talk; I do! Since about 6 months ago our sex life has been horrible. He doesn't want to have sex, when I confronted him about it he said he was having ED issues and he felt bad, that he is very attracted to me but feels like less of a man because he can't get an erection. He is a sweet, caring, all around amazing boyfriend, he treats me like a queen, but our sex life is dead! I asked him to go to a doctor and he says he will but he never does anything about it and i dont want to push him because i dont want to make him feel worse. But as each day goes by i feel worse and worse about myself, I mean come on....no foreplay, no anything, he doesnt even let me do anything to him. There is no desire in him to initiate anything and that makes me feel worse. 1 week ago i bought him a supplement for ED and he sad he feels like it's working because he got an erection in the car yesterday thinking of me, but today i jumped in shower with him and nothing....i was aroused by just seeing him naked but to him i might as well not have been there. He tells me he is attracted to me and that i am beautiful and sexy but his actions tell me the complete opposite and it only gets worse as each day goes by. I love my boyfriend with my life and i will do anything for him, this is the man i want to marry and have a family with...but i dont know what to do to fix this...at this point I AM DESPERATE. We shouldnt be going through this, he is in his 20s and I am 30 thats why i cant help but think it is Me and not ED.

May 9, 2017 - 9:04am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

as a male , doesn't seem normal for men to decline sex right ? wrong ! .
i've dated a woman for 10 long years , not once offered or ask for sexual intercourse .
when we meet she had a child a son , as a new life partner to her , i keep my distance and try to help her with her child ,sort of a father figure i help raise her son into a young fine man .

sex isn't everything needed . sometimes need to take a step back and really look at the close picture .

November 13, 2016 - 8:03am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am having a similar issue. I haven't been able to have sex in over a month. He lives with me and every time I try to initiate sex he says I need to chill because he is too tired. I've noticed that he masturbates every morning before he showers and he tries to keep it private. He doesn't know that I am aware he does this yet and it makes me feel horrible every morning for the last week. I love him so much and I get scared to talk to him about this but I feel like I cannot continue to sleep next to someone who doesn't want to touch me because he's always too tired. He doesn't even cuddle with me. We are in our early 30's and I have an hour glass figure still so I know he finds me attractive. The point is I think it may be Erectile Dysfunction. I looked it up this morning. Although this talk I want to have with him may break us up because he doesn't express himself emotionally (that's my opinion) I have to let him know I think he has ED and I'm ok with that if he can look into fixing the problem. I love him so much but if he cannot talk to me about our relationship that I have to let him go. I'm hurting with him right now and I imagine being in more pain without him :(.

September 24, 2016 - 9:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I went through a similar thing recently. Wasn't having sex for about a month even though everything was great. We were together for 8 yrs and lived together (still do, waiting for him to move out at the end of the month) then he send me a text out of the blue stating he didn't find me sexually attracted and that he didn't know what he wanted anymore. I find it strange that he is willing to throw it all away... I'm still confused and hurt.

April 18, 2016 - 12:29pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Out of the blue for you, possibly. However, he's been thinking about it for a long time. I'm 17 years in and it's all that's been on my mind for the past 2 years.
I love our life, I 100% hate her lack of sensuality and desire to fulfill my needs.
We have a child. I'm in it until we've raised a strong, confident, and independent person... Cannot say for sure what'll happen after that, but my requests aren't unreasonable, and I really feel like it's all her undoing.

April 26, 2017 - 9:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend is the same way. He's 22 years old and is a middle school teacher (he got the job while still in college). He's currently buying a house. I can't figure out what the issue is. He has the world in the palm of his hand. We hooked up in college before we were together but now that we are together he doesn't seem as attracted to me. I had a son almost a year ago with my ex that I placed up for adoption and him and I started dating after that and I'm afraid that that's why he is t as attracted to me. It's heartbreaking. This is the man I plan on marrying g and he just doesn't seem into me anymore sexually.

March 6, 2016 - 8:49pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been with my bf for less than a year. Started staying in with him after 8 mths. Initially, our sex life was great when he had to come to my place to see me and I couldn't stay over at his place every night. After I had moved in with him, things changed drastically. He is no longer aroused when he's with me, not like before. I'm hurt and I tried understanding why. 95% of the times I have to initiate sex. Is he no longer interested in me or is he just too stressed at work?

February 6, 2016 - 7:47am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm in a really similar situation and have been trying to figure out what's wrong. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. He says he loves me and is very attracted to me, that I am the most beautiful woman in the world etc. but his actions don't line up. He is really affectionate and is always kissing and touching me, but never in a more sexual way. If I try to start making out and touch his body more suggestively he will pull away and start doing something else as if he didn't get what I was implying. He never looks at me with desire when I'm naked, he laughs or shrugs it off if I send him flirty texts or sexy pictures. He's really awkward and doesn't seem to understand my usually very obvious attempts to turn him on, or maybe he's just pretending so we don't have to have sex. Sometimes I have to come out and say the words, and then he'll usually act annoyed like it's a bother and say he's too tired or has a headache, all the usual excuses. It makes me feel so unsexy and unwanted, and the thing is it's been this way since the beginning! But when we do have sex it IS great, he always comes and seems to enjoy it, and he takes care of me and makes sure I am satisfied too. We have talked about it and I almost broke up with him over it and now he is trying to make an effort to have more sex. But that doesn't feel good either because I want him to naturally be turned on my me, not to have to "try"!! So now when we have sex I feel like he is just doing it out of pity or whatever, which doesn't get ME turned on. He says the words and tries to start foreplay but I just don't believe that he is actually sexually attracted. What is the problem?! Are we just mismatched, does he have a low libido, is he maybe even asexual?! It makes me really frustrated :(

January 21, 2016 - 6:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

This sound like you're describing my relationship ! I managed to get him to go to counselling which helped a bit but then we stopped going ( as the councillor thought we didn't need it anymore) but it's gone back to the way it was. Him masturbating and not wanting sex. When we met I felt attractive now I feel terrible and feel like there's no point trying to be feminine etc around him. When we do have sex I have to initiate it,because I'm at my wits end waiting for him to come to me, and I feel like I'm just a body to use for the equivalent of masterbating rather than his hot girlfriend he wants to fuck. My ex was a piece of shit , complete opposite of my current boyfriend, but at least he made me feel on top of the world about my body.
We've talked about the issue so much but nothing helps- apart from me getting used to it and not expecting to have sex.

July 30, 2017 - 4:03am
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Female Sexual Dysfunction

Get Email Updates

Female Sexual Dysfunction Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!