ask: I am not sure my boyfriend is attracted to me. Please help!!!

By bkwrmn06 July 22, 2009 - 11:05pm
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My boyrfriend and I have been together for just a little over 10 months now. We are both divorced and in our very early 30's. Our relationship, for the most part, has been wonderful. We do everything together and talk about everything...we have no secrets from eachother. We have arguments like anyone else but I wouldn't say they are very bad. We have been talking about marriage and having a child together for the last couple months (he brought it up) and I think he is going to propose soon. (I overheard him talking about the ring.) However, our sex life has been the exception to everything else in our relationship. I love making love with him but he acts like he really doesn't care about it. For example, we are both in bed relaxed and i start kissing on him, he will make up an excuse as to why he doesn't want to make love with me, ie im too tired, have bladder infection, headache, stressed etc. It is never about getting in the mood, the idea is cut off right from the start. We had not made love for about 3 weeks and when we tried, he couldn't get an erection. No big deal, we cuddled and I assured him it was happens. A few days later, same thing, couldn't get erect at all. That was a week and a half ago. We tried tonite and still nothing. I asked him if he is masturbating and he said he has and last time was four days ago. He had no problem getting an erection or ejaculating then, so there probably isnt anything wrong with him. I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. He doesn't look at me with desire, even when I am naked, and he doesn't touch me in sexual ways unless we were making love. He tells me he IS attracted to me and it's not me it's him. I love this man sooo much and I want to marry him more than anything in the world but I am not sure that I can go the rest of my life without having sex. Please somebody give me some advice..I am desperate.

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I'm in the same situation with my boyfriend of 2 years. He is 8 years older than me. Sometimes I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. He tells me he loves me and he shows me at times but when he is mad he is a totally different person. When we have sex , it's amazing for me but we. I look at hI'm he looks bored. It makes me think that he is cheating on me or is not attracted to me anymore. I've caught him look g for women on craigslist recently. Therés times when we dony have sex for five days straight. I have to seduce him so we can have sex. I Dont know what to do. I love him and I don't want to leave him.

November 21, 2015 - 3:25pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am in a similar situation. we have been together almost 3 years now, we have known each other our whole lives. he proposed to me over a year ago but about 6 months ago he broke up with me because i was struggling with depression and anxiety etc. i caught him watching porn several times and looking at nudes etc but he NEVER wanted me (when i told him from the start i think that is cheating since he is ONLY using porn) he would stay up late and do that crap while i was asleep and when i would try to make a move he would just push me off. He finally admitted that he isnt as attracted to me because i have put on weight since we got together. it crushed me. i love this man with everything in me, we have a home and life together. he is so mean when we fight and i swear it is so i will go in the other room and cry. there is never any remorse for making me feel so horrible or making me cry. i dont think he loves me. and i dont know how to handle it, they say just leave him. but it isnt that easy. sounds dumb, but it isnt.

Please help

November 13, 2015 - 3:26pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'm in the exact same situation. Except he hasn't admitted to me that it's cause I put on a little weight since we began dating. But when I read what you wrote I felt sick to my stomach. That hurts to think he might feel that way but that's gotta be the explanation for why he doesn't touch me.
I'm just curious what you decided to do about it or how it's going so far?
I just have no one else to talk to.

November 28, 2015 - 7:23pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'm in the same situation you are, it's horrible that we love them so much but all we seem to be to them is a piece of meat.

November 26, 2015 - 7:57pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Sounds a lot like my situation. Hes constantly watching videos of naked chicks online. I told him it bothers me and he told me something to the extent of too bad. He never wants to have sex with me anymore, i will rarely get it every once in a while lately. I am pregnant right now so maybe thats why he never wants to give me any attention idk. And now all the sudden he doesnt like when i sleep with my hand down his pants just resting on his leg, nothing sexual, now apparently he hates that all of the sudden. I tell him hes handsome all the time but i honestly cant remember the last time he told me i was pretty thats how long ago it was. He often makes me cry when hes mad about something and he doesnt care. He tells me he loves me all the time but lately it just doesnt feel the same anymore. We used to have sex all the time now practically never. I dont think he finds me attractive anymore and honestly i wonder if he even does love me or if its just convenient. Oh we have only been together a year, and we didnt even celebrate because he ruined it getting pissed off about stupid stuff.

November 22, 2015 - 4:16am
Kappatau1 (reply to Anonymous)

I'm sorry to hear what's going on wit hb you and your partner. I know how it feels to go what you are going through. My boyfriend does the same thing to me. He screams and pushes me around and when he sees me cry he starts making fun of me. When I want to leave him, he starts crying begging me not to leave him. It is honestly not healthy. When he says mean things to me it hurts so much but I decide to ignore everything he says because he is just trying to hurt me. I ve learned to just walk away when he starts insult me. I just figured he just saying what he feels when he looks in the mirror. Just know that what ever he says , you are still BEAUTIFUL. Don't let h bring you down becasue you are only empowering him. Dress up , do your make up. Go out with your friends. Show him you are smarter than him.

November 21, 2015 - 3:37pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have an issue similar to this as well, I seriously think its been 3 months since we have had any sexual contact. I try and try, and I try to seduce or try to look attractive but its goes ignored, or something gets pointed out that has nothing to do with anything. I feel unattractive and unwanted and I don't know what to do. Whenever we kiss its even just a peck anymore. And I hate it...

October 12, 2015 - 9:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hi ive been with my boyfriend just under a year and he stopped sleeping with me over 4 months ago saying he was depressed and not into sex at all as he couldnt see the point!o.k hes got a lower sex drive than me but its REALLY affect my self esteem as i KNOW he looks at porn daily so he must have a pretty good sex drive..i have put a bit of weight on but he still says im beautiful+hes attracted to me..honestly its causing huge issues because i dont trust him anymore

November 26, 2015 - 5:11am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I have been going through the same exact bf has only let me give him a bj in the 1 1/2 years we've been together and only 3 times at that...he has promised many many times we will be intimate and when that time comes, he has some excuse not to...we've even been to the hottubs about 3 times and he doesn't even make a move or even look at me with desire, it's like he isn't even interested in me...I don't know what to do, I don't understand why this is happening...he has a 100 y.o. mother that he lets jerk him around and treats him like shit, has never said she loves him, says he is not her son, but he is attached so much to her that he won't even stay after work to be with me for a few minutes because he has to get home because his mom will be mad and he will be in trouble...(I have a client where he works)...He has asked me to marry him and 4 days before he postponed it...and he recently told me to make a date and we will keep it and get married...I said hell no...I love this man so much, but he is ripping my heart out and stomping on it over and over...any suggestions on what I should do?

October 30, 2015 - 7:44pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi ladies I'm in the same boat. I have been with my man for just over 7 years now, we have two kids together but he works away Mon to Fri and comes home Sat then back Sun tea time. The ladt time we had sex was probably 4-5 weeks ago but I've ineciated loads of times since then and i just get the usual crap answers. Whenever I'm naked he doesn't look at me and if he does theres nothing from him at all. He's cheated on me in the past and he says he's a different man now but I'm so confused. He says he loves me and doesn't want to break up but it just feels like we have or are coming to the end. It hurts as i love him to bits but i don't feel he sees me how he used to or loves me like he used to xxx

September 22, 2015 - 3:25pm
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