ask: I am not sure my boyfriend is attracted to me. Please help!!!

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My boyrfriend and I have been together for just a little over 10 months now. We are both divorced and in our very early 30's. Our relationship, for the most part, has been wonderful. We do everything together and talk about everything...we have no secrets from eachother. We have arguments like anyone else but I wouldn't say they are very bad. We have been talking about marriage and having a child together for the last couple months (he brought it up) and I think he is going to propose soon. (I overheard him talking about the ring.) However, our sex life has been the exception to everything else in our relationship. I love making love with him but he acts like he really doesn't care about it. For example, we are both in bed relaxed and i start kissing on him, he will make up an excuse as to why he doesn't want to make love with me, ie im too tired, have bladder infection, headache, stressed etc. It is never about getting in the mood, the idea is cut off right from the start. We had not made love for about 3 weeks and when we tried, he couldn't get an erection. No big deal, we cuddled and I assured him it was happens. A few days later, same thing, couldn't get erect at all. That was a week and a half ago. We tried tonite and still nothing. I asked him if he is masturbating and he said he has and last time was four days ago. He had no problem getting an erection or ejaculating then, so there probably isnt anything wrong with him. I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. He doesn't look at me with desire, even when I am naked, and he doesn't touch me in sexual ways unless we were making love. He tells me he IS attracted to me and it's not me it's him. I love this man sooo much and I want to marry him more than anything in the world but I am not sure that I can go the rest of my life without having sex. Please somebody give me some advice..I am desperate.

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EmpowHER Guest

Ladies I think I finally know whats up. My boyfriend and I have always loved each other very much. We have been together 2 years now. We have built a home and life together. We want to grow old and spend forever with each other but one thing is missing from our relationship, sex. I heard all the excuses.. it isn't you it's me, I just dont ever think about sex.. so on. Its hard to be so in love with someone that doesnt want you that way. Finally things came to a head when I caught him cheating on me. Since things were over I had to know why. I was told that he never had that sexual attraction to me no matter how badly he tried. He thinks I am beautiful outside and in but the spark was just not there. He told me for years he lived a lie and that all the times we had sex it was because he wanted to make me happy. He said I deserve to be happy and he knew that meant sexually too so he gave me what I wanted regardless of his own feelings. It just became to much for him after a while and could no longer live that lie. The other women reminded him of what that attraction felt like and what its like to desire another again. Now we are both sad and hurt because we have a child together and still love each other very much but he won't live a lie anymore and I cant live knowing he may never look at me with desire Rowan me the way I want him. I have learned that love come in many different forms and its takes all of them to sustain a lasting relationship. I hope your outcome is better than mine but from what I have read, things dont look promising. I know we have to end things. It just hurts so much and an innocent child will lose one of his parents all because one aspect of being in love is not present. Good luck

July 21, 2015 - 9:03pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

This is exactly what happened to me. I am 26 and have been with my fiancé for 9 years. He was my first and only love and me the same for him. I just caught him cheating on me 2 days ago and he blames it on not being attracted to me. 3 years ago we almost broke up because he said he wasn't attracted to me but he lied to me and told me that he loved me and was attracted to me again just to keep me around. Fast forward to now, I caught him with his employee and we are supposed to be planning our wedding. I caught him before they even had sex but the damage has been done. She was sending him naked pictures and they were sexting. And he admitted to making out with her at his office. I love him with all of my heart but I don't know why he would do this to me. I have tried everything to be attractive to him and nothing works. Now I'm faced with this and I don't know if I can forgive him but I love him so much.

August 24, 2015 - 10:16pm
EmpowHER Guest

Seems like these men are suffering from an identity crisis. It is very possible that your man is gay. Down-low as they say. Women experiencing changes in the man sex drive should read up on this. There are signs. It's sad but its reality. Good luck ladies. You deserve the best. Courtship in a relationship should never change for the worst it should get better. Keep you happy and desirable.

June 7, 2015 - 9:23am
EmpowHER Guest

Porn induced erictile dysfunction disorder. Google it. I wouldn't stay with this man. I adore my husband so this may sound cold but the grief I have experienced over his lack of affection and lack of sex has caused me to go from a spunky, lively, happy young woman to someone who is depressed, quiet and serious, and always crying as soon as I am alone. I'm in my mid twenties, LOVE sex, eat clean and have been working out 5-6 days a week for the past 5 even being in awesome shape and walking around topless to attempt getting his attention and it STILL not working, is an incredibly shitty feeling. I would never leave him now because I adore him, but had I known in advance before falling head over heels...I would've run and no, I wouldn't marry him again. It is very complicated, very painful. Sex IS a huge deal. You will realize that when it is too late.

May 16, 2015 - 6:42am
EmpowHER Guest

Oh girl, I am in the SAME boat unfortunately, and I know how bad it hurts. The only difference is he proposed last year, and nothing changed. There is still little to no sex (once a month) and it's getting increasingly frustrating. I wish I had good advice for you, but I came here looking for the same thing :( He says the same thing too, "it isn't you, it's me" bla bla bla. Sadly, it's been going on for two years, and wevewbeen together for 3, so I wish I could tell you it will change, but I don't know if it ever will. He had the erection problem a couple times, and it hurts your ego bad. I really hope things work out for you. Good luck.

April 7, 2015 - 5:36pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi lady's im having the same problem with my boyfriend, my boyfriend is 28 and he works 3 hrs from home and every time he come home he says he's tired and lately i noticed we haven't had sex in two weeks sometimes he doesn't come home he stay up there closere to work and come home on weekends so what should i do, i dont think he attractive to me anymore and its hurts cause im so madly in love with him

April 6, 2015 - 5:44am
EmpowHER Guest

Same with my bf...
And trust me, it's probably not you, it's likely him.
Does he watch a lot of porn? Because he's probably wanking it everyday and he's got nothing "left" for you. That would explain him not getting hard, or him being "too tired".
Not sure if watches a lot of porn? Does he take long showers? Does he stay up late at night? What's his behavoir like?

March 27, 2015 - 8:25am
EmpowHER Guest

Well I have had the same issue for 2 years now. We have had sex three times in 2 years. I have fought, cried, hurt and been at the point of disppear.
We are at the point where I have just gone numb from all the hurt and fighting to keep my self esteem up.
Our relationship is not in a good place. I started flirting with a complete stranger on social media a few months ago. I was lonely and wanted the attention to be honest. What I saw was harmless, might be the nail in the coffin in our relationship. He read the messages, scowled through my emails one day. Even thou what I had said was just flattery in reply and nature, I have broken his trust.
Our relationship breakdown seems now to be my fault, though I feel his contribution has come from the years on constant rejection and excuses of why we shouldn't have sex.
You can love someone, but sometimes love is not enough. He says he loves me, but I have always doubted his words due to the lack of intimacy and desire in our relationship.
Now he doubts my love for him, due to my resulting actions.
Try to talk it out, even show him my message to allow him to see, that eventually we all need someone's attention, innocent or not.
I wanted it with my partner, but it is just something I dont believe that I will ever be able to have. So now I too have been reassessing whether this relationship is something that I want for the rest of my life.
You can't change someone's desire for you, so eventually you need to make a choice of what will make you happy in the end.
For me.... I need both love and a deep connection of intimacy with the one I share my life with...
The hard part is letting go of what little of it I actually have.


March 15, 2015 - 11:58pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'm sorry you are going through that. It's totally a catch 22. I'm in kind of a drought sexually and starting to feel a little insecure, that's what brought me here. I feel like a good test for you would be to maybe leave and take a vacation away from him. If that doesn't make him squirm and make you extra desirable, then maybe you should lose him. You deserve some attention and appreciation!

June 9, 2015 - 10:12am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am going through same thing. Embarrassed that for 6 years I've been waiting ! Waiting for what

April 1, 2015 - 3:36am
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