I am not sure my boyfriend is attracted to me. Please help!!!
My boyrfriend and I have been together for just a little over 10 months now. We are both divorced and in our very early 30's. Our relationship, for the most part, has been wonderful. We do everything together and talk about everything...we have no secrets from eachother. We have arguments like anyone else but I wouldn't say they are very bad. We have been talking about marriage and having a child together for the last couple months (he brought it up) and I think he is going to propose soon. (I overheard him talking about the ring.) However, our sex life has been the exception to everything else in our relationship. I love making love with him but he acts like he really doesn't care about it. For example, we are both in bed relaxed and i start kissing on him, he will make up an excuse as to why he doesn't want to make love with me, ie im too tired, have bladder infection, headache, stressed etc. It is never about getting in the mood, the idea is cut off right from the start. We had not made love for about 3 weeks and when we tried, he couldn't get an erection. No big deal, we cuddled and I assured him it was fine...it happens. A few days later, same thing, couldn't get erect at all. That was a week and a half ago. We tried tonite and still nothing. I asked him if he is masturbating and he said he has and last time was four days ago. He had no problem getting an erection or ejaculating then, so there probably isnt anything wrong with him. I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. He doesn't look at me with desire, even when I am naked, and he doesn't touch me in sexual ways unless we were making love. He tells me he IS attracted to me and it's not me it's him. I love this man sooo much and I want to marry him more than anything in the world but I am not sure that I can go the rest of my life without having sex. Please somebody give me some advice..I am desperate.
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Is there any way he might be gay? Or does he have a porn addiction. Some men who use pornography have trouble getting excited enough with a "real" woman. This happened to me. I had a boyfriend who I got along great with but he could never get it up for me...maybe ask him?
Did your boyfriend tell you why? Did you ask him?
Well no he doesn't have access to porn. I have had this recurring dream about me catching him with a man. I told him about it and was completely repulsed that I would dream something like that.
The porn is so exciting to many men with all that's available on the internet that no one woman can compete. This was the problem with us. Eventually he quit it and we were fine but it took a lot of time.
But if you are sure that he has no access to porn then I guess you are fine with that at least.
Have you thought about therapy for him or both of you?
Could you live without much sex? Are you 100% sure that he is not gay?
Many men who are homophobic are so because they are really gay. obviously, I can't know whether he is or not but clearly there is soemthing going on. Do you guys have good, open communication? Is he honest with you. Is he masturbating much? If so, why doesn't he "save" himself for you. It sounds like you need a closer relationship than what you have and if you are not having sex, then you may as well be brother and sister.
Is he maybe stressed at work? Is he depressed?
I can live without sex as often. Trust me when I say that when we do make love, its incredible!! Yes we communicate about everything as far as I know and I can only trust that he is being honest with me. I didn't ask how often he masturbates because I really was afraid to ask. We are very close, maybe too close so that isn't a factor. He is not currently working. I am the breadwinner at this point in time.