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Hello, ladies! I am brand new to the group, and this is my first posting so if I did something incorrectly I apologize. When I was a young girl I was severely, and brutally raped. I, later in life, read a study that suggested that pornographic material stimulates the part of the male brain that is most active in male sex offenders. I already did not care one bit for what I consider to be perverse activities, but with learning this and that it made most polled men feel like they needed to strive to get more and more excitement out of sex to achieve orgasm I developed a hatred of pornography. When me and my now husband got together he had a box of it, and I told him I hated it and wouldn't be under the same roof with it and we burned it. He claims not to have a problem with this, but sometimes it makes me feel like a prudent, frigid, b$#@g. Please tell me in not alone on this.....
. feeling very alone
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Hi Anon,
Thank you for responding and clarifying a bit more to me. It sounds like your husband is a wonderful and supportive man!
Intimacy is really important in a thriving marriage and sounds like you guys have a great connection!
Best,
Kristin
November 14, 2014 - 12:07pmThis Comment
Hello Baarongirl,
Thank you for joining the EmpowHER community and for sharing your circumstances. I am so sorry to hear about your life experience as a youth. It's not easy to navigate through intimacy later in life after something so tragic.
It sounds like your husband was supportive of you by burning his stash. I think it is important that you focus on his actions and that he did at one point do what you asked.
Has he brought porn back into the house since then? Has he brought up the topic lately?
It sounds like an insecurity that you might be facing and a counselor can help you cope with it. You shouldn't be expected to pack away your feelings and pretend like you are ok when you are feeling insecure about the topic.
Try to keep the communication open with your hubby and speak with a therapist so that you don't feel so isolated.
Did this help?
Best,
Kristin
I certainly don't think you are alone.
November 12, 2014 - 1:06pmThis Comment
Thanks so much for your comments! And to answer your question, no he has not brought any pornographic material into the home. He has even gone several steps farther; he won't allow his friends to send him inappropriate photos like boys like to do, he does not watch movies with nudity or a lot of smut, and he never brings it up. The only thing he has said on the matter is that I am more than enough for him, and that he doesn't even have any interest in it now that he has me. ( The only reason he used it before was because he was alone and board according to him.) And I totally respect your opinion, but I do not think I am sexually insecure, I have actually become very sexually liberated; especially with him :). I do have areas of insecurity and extreme jealously, but I am sure these are from a completely different abusive experience. He seems to be one hundred percent happy, and never has a bad word to say. Some of this may be due to my location however I think. We are in the heart of Texas you see, and I get doors opened for me, chairs pulled out etcetera etcetera. There is a very high regard for women among gentlemen here, and I worry that since he will go out of his way to never disrespect me or hurt my feelings, that I may, unbeknownst to me, be over-stepping my bounds.
November 13, 2014 - 6:24amThis Comment