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I dont know what to do!

By June 1, 2010 - 10:47pm
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Hi, and thanks for having me here. This is a long story so I wilkl try to make this as brief as possible.
I have been in a 4 years relationship with my bf. Our relationship grew more & more due to the fact that he infected me with Herpes. At first he felt guilt but throughout the years turned to genuine love.
We have had a healthy and good best friend connection and sex was great.
We both came to terms with the fact that we would be partners and best friends for life "due to the herpes" Not to mention he is my 1st cousin and we have a secret relationship.

Recently he developed feelings for this girl "attraction" and he then confessed that he will stop talking to her but that he rather be along without her or me.
He wants to remains best friends "without the romance part".
He was also ashamed and said he was t end talking to that girl anfd confessed that he was herpes carrier.

I love this man and he said he loves me and gives his life for me any day.
I feel like my life is over and have nothing t live for. Please help

Add a Comment20 Comments

Thanks Diane for your kind words that encourage me.
It was a hard decision but I had the fueled courage to do it.
He obviously doesnt want to lose me and claims he wouldnt want to see the day when im not part of his life.
It will indeed take a LOT of work to maintain a friendship. For now he wants to be here for me, all the time, offering me his support, but also Im thinking wether is a good thing or not that he's around so much.

I have an appt. tomorrow morning, they noticed due to the heavy bleeding "hemorrhage" & thought it was due to injure on my cervix but with further tests it was my uterus. I have stitches now and will be a while until im completely healed.
I have limited activities but returned to work already.

I still dont have an appetite but i am literally forcing my food because I need it.

June 22, 2010 - 8:36am
(reply to torn)

Hi Torn,

Thanks for updating us...I've been thinking about you!

Are you able to see a counselor or psychologist about your weight loss/eating issues? It would also be good to see a Registered Dietitian who can help you come up with an eating plan that is more pleasing to you (so you don't feel like you have to "force" food down).

I hope you are able to see both professionals (psychologist and R.D.), as the combination of experts can really help you in this difficult time right now. Let us know if you need any help finding any resources!

June 22, 2010 - 12:55pm

Hi Cary, yes they punctured it, the chances of that happening were slim, and I guess I was just an unlucky one under that low risk percentage.
They are taking measures to correct it, but obviously has its complications if I ever want to conceive again, I may not.

My weight loss just happened, in the course of 2 months I dropped all of that weight. I didnt know until people started noticing. I literally lost my appetite, and or was eating little to no food.
I will see my doctor about that, I dont feel or look healthy right now.

I will update, thats for your concerns.

June 22, 2010 - 7:35am
(reply to torn)


I am so incredibly sorry. They punctured your uterus? This is horrible. Did they know right away? Did they repair it? Are you having any residual problems from this?

I'm proud of you for leaving your boyfriend, and I, too, hope you can remain friends. That was a tough and brave decision.

I am glad you're going to the doctor about your weight loss, and I too am concerned about you. I totally get why you weren't hungry, but even so, you dropped 25 pounds two months in a row. Were your clothes not falling off of you?

Are you eating more normally now? Do you have an appointment yet?

June 22, 2010 - 8:01am

Hey guys I just want to update you all about my current situation.
I have completed the visits to the clinic. There is only a few more follow ups left due to the fact that they punctured my uterus :(

As far as the relationship, I called it quits. And will try my best to remain friends, because unfortunately he's the only person I can really talk to about this now. I will work hard on getting better, I went down to 78 pounds and will seek medical help to re-gain my weight, which was 130.
I still feel overwhelmed, and at times I take 1 step to progress then next day feels like 3 steps back. But I will fight this!

June 22, 2010 - 5:02am
(reply to torn)

Oh holy cow they punctured your uterus? I'm so sorry.

Are you not eating, Torn? Because 78 pounds is really a dangerous weight. Sometimes people are hospitalized for being so underweight, because it can literally kill you. What is going on with your weight loss? That is very worrisome.

Take care of yourself.

June 22, 2010 - 6:25am


I'm also really happy that you were able to tell him about the pregnancy and abortion. It's good that you have his support and it's important that he understand that this was his responsibility, too.

That doesn't mean this whole thing was any easier on you, though, and I'm not surprised that things are still difficult and confusing. I would guess that it will be that way for a while. This is one of those events in life that can change everything that comes after it.

What's most important right now is you and your health, both physical and mental. When are your remaining appointments? And will he accompany you?

June 16, 2010 - 8:40am

Hey guys just an update I've been trying to keep calm. Mainly focusing on recovering physically, I have 2 more visits to the clinic & trying my best to not stress more than I already am.
All of this while having a full time job and sometimes going nuts!

As far as him, I told him the truth. He agreed that this kids would bring hell to the family, he was angry and felt impotent, and at the very least he was grateful that I let him know, because he said it is both our concern, that he was glad I shared that load. We dont have the means to take care of a child & believe it or not, he said even if we decided to keep them, it would be too difficult.
I have to tell all of you that although doesnt take away any pain, at least I felt relieved that I didnt have to hide such huge truth from him, and that he was willing to support me all the way.

Is too hard because above it all he is my best friend.
Still a lot of confusion but at least a bit relieved.

June 13, 2010 - 7:55pm
(reply to torn)

I am so, so glad that you were able to tell at least one other person about what you are going through, and that he was supportive. You really do need all the support and understanding that you can get right now.

Please know we are here whenever you need to talk again, and we'll be thinking about you and your additional visits to the clinic.

Take care,

June 13, 2010 - 9:05pm


Oh my gosh. Bless your heart. What a shock that must have been, when you were already having a very difficult time with things. I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that on your own.

Please take the time to be patient with yourself and your emotions now. Try not to beat up on yourself, OK? Not about the pregnancy, not about the herpes, not about the boyfriend, nothing. Just care for yourself and your body and be gentle with yourself. It is perfectly natural for you to be feeling sadness, anger, grief, resentment or other emotions after what you have been through. Take care of YOU first and let yourself feel what you're feeling.

You are an important, wonderful person. You are not ruined because you have herpes -- many people do. You've gone through some tough things recently, but that just shows me how strong you are inside.

I'm glad you are getting good care at the clinic. Be sure to keep your followup appointments, OK? And keep talking to us. We're here for you.

June 9, 2010 - 9:58am
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