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i feel that sexual experences i had when i was quite young may be influencing my sex life today

By Anonymous June 4, 2009 - 1:29pm
 
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when i was quite young not sure what age per-teen, i has an older boyfriend i didnt know much about sexual experences being so young but he would get me to do various things, i didnt feel perticually comfortable doing it but he would bribe me into it. i had put this to the back of my mind up untill around a year and a half ago when i meet my current boyfriend. i love hime to bits, but i feel that i and not confident in bed i want to do things but my brain just stops me making any type of sexual moves to him, i feel that it is putting a strain on my relationship. he itn't my frist sexual partner but my others werent much of a sucsses or insite too how a sexual relationship sould be either. i just want to be normal in bed with my boyfriend, what can i do?

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Hi,
I'm sorry you are going through this, and there have been some other discussions related to this that I will post this evening.

My first thought: stop what ever you are doing that makes you uncomfortable. I remember reading one of our experts say that the more you do something that is uncomfortable or doesn't feel good sexually, there is a chance that your body "remembers" these experiences and is what is interpreted as "sex" or "pleasure". You want your sexual experiences to feel good, comfortable, pleasurable, meaningful. Will your current partner slow-down? Can you communicate with him about what feels good, what you are comfortable with, and will he listen without making you feel bad, pressured or guilty?

How long have you been dating your current partner? Do you mind if I ask how old you are, and if there is a significant age-difference in your current partner (as you mentioned there was in a previous relationship).

You mentioned that you felt "bribed" before in your past relationship. I'm not sure exactly what this means, but have you considered seeking counseling? Many, many women have been coerced into sexual experiences, and this can most certainly have an impact on all future relationships.

June 4, 2009 - 2:39pm
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