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i ganined weight after having my first kid now my bf dnt even want to touch me or have sex! a lil help plz

By June 1, 2010 - 8:08am
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im going through kind of the same thing i have been with my boy friend for a year and a half and we just had our first child i gained alot of weight w the pregnancy, but he lost complete interest in me when i was preg i tried to have sex but he said it was weird bc i was pregnant, then i had the baby and he still didnt want to because he didnt want to use condoms he told me once i got on my birth control things wuld change, they didnt he still dnt want to have sex and wen we would have sex he would just lay there or want a blow job, i would offer diff things buy he advised he is comfortable and dnt want to really do much, it got to the point i was begging and ending up crying, he has not touched me down there for over a year and dnt want to even touch my boobs basically he wants to get off and be done, i told him i have needs to. then recently i sat down w him to tlk about it, he said its bc i have gained weight and there is times ill eat things i shouldnt, he said im not confident anymore, but he still loves me! got any suggestions? i dnt think this is love, when you love some one you love them for them not just wat they look like/

i have considered leaving him but i really love him and i have never felt the way i feel for him for anyone else

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Hi, PrettyfaceJC,

So let me get this straight. You go through 40 weeks of pregnancy carrying his child, get through labor and delivery, and are now a mom, and he wants nothing to do with you because you've gained weight and you're not eating properly in his eyes? And after he criticizes you and won't touch you, he also is turned off because you're not confident anymore?

This makes me cringe. Your boyfriend needs to get some perspective, or you need to move on. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but a loving partner is supportive, not critical. You are supposed to be a family now, and that means two people who work together to raise their child, build a home and build their relationship. It doesn't seem like that's happening. I know you love him -- he is the father of your child, and you have been with him for a year and a half. But you need to ask yourself if he -- and the way he treats you -- is what you want to lie with for the rest of your life.

Our bodies change as we get older, have children, etc. If YOU want to lose this weight for YOU, that's great. But if you lose it just because he says it turns him off, you will be forever thinking that it is your fault if he's not sexually attracted to you. And it's not.

I hope that helps a little bit. What are you thinking now?

June 2, 2010 - 8:33am
(reply to Diane Porter)

thank you for your advise you are correct and i agree with u 100% but here is the weird thing i stopped begging and stopped trying to have sex with him all together and just pushed myself away from him emotionally and sexually and not even a week he was trying hard to have sex with me and i did nothing to initiate it idk what to think or do he confuses me like no other

June 17, 2010 - 9:50pm
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