She struggles with her weight, doesn't like to excersice and hasn't had a father figure - not sure if the lack of this has affected her. I have been there for her in every turn. In turn I have sherltered her to the point that she struggles to make her owns decisions and focuses on the volume of the task at hand as opposed to finding a solution to whatever she is working on. She could spend hours just thinking about how hard the task is going to be. I try to help but I end up confusing her more with my suggestions so my approach is clearly not working. She gets wound up and chastises me for making her feel bad or using BIG words that are too complicated. I tried a different approach to provide her examples so she could better understand and then she tells me I take too long just get to the point! I think I've done something wrong and end up doing things for her. Oftentimes, she complaints about this or that. Or how she doesn't have recognition. I have always tried to make her feel good and always provided inclusion. The topic of her discussions with other people her age is - nobody likes me, nobody wants to be with me ... so they get fed up and want nothing to do with her. I try to tell her that she needs a positive attitude and that people like to hear other things besides a negative attitude so I find myself spending a considerable amount of time reassuring her but frankly sometimes feel like I should just tell her to stop the whining which I have done in the past. That just makes things worse! I wish I could give her skills to deal with pressure and downturns in her life. I have been a fighter in life and wish she had that same outlook in life. I know that because of her weight she has been picked on, ridiculized and many other things but she never speaks to me about it.I try to open up a discussion about it and tell her that I am there if she ever wants to talk about this things or any other but all she says is that she doesn't care what people say. I can see that her self esteem is low and also find myself constantly trying to pick it up. It is so much work that sometimes I don't know what to do. I have encourage her to lose weight not for looks but for her health but she wants nothing to do with that. Her thought is I've always been this way so I have no need to be different. In terms of school she is a senior in high school and she is doing well and plans to be a vet. Now she is overwhelmed with the college choices and a big graduation project she has which she hasn't been able to focus on. Her teachers don't seem to take her seriously and ask her to focus on a single topic. I give her options but she gets frustrated and walks outta the room. This worries me because how is she going to deal with real life situations? What if she finds the wrong counsel/friends and she uses this as an escape to her insecurities? I feel like I haven't done a good job preparing her for life. This is truly causing me a lot of pain and don't know how to deal with it. How do I change the paradigm in my house from a closed one to an open approach that she feels that she has the reigns of her future and she could talk to me about her worries, life plans and simply have a better relationship. How can I change from being the mother who shelters to one who provides security and life skills so that she could be prepared to face the world without being an enabler? I don't want to tell her what to do but find myself needing to do so if not she misses out on things and then becomes frustrated ending in a discussion with me because its my fault.I want her to succeed in her own right.Have I failed?
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