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I have never gotten much pleasure from intercourse . . . whats wrong with me . . ?

By November 29, 2014 - 9:06am
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I am a 29 year old woman. i am married with 2 children. for some reason i struggle with sexual desire and i also have never received much pleasure from sex. it just feels like pressure to me. i can orgasm with a vibrator but thats it. i have never had any other type of orgasm. My husband will use the vibrator so that i can orgasm but then after that im like "ok lets get this over with." i feel bad because i really love my husband and i know he wants me to be satisfied but i feel like it doesnt feel like much for me and really never has. i lost my virginity when i was 16 and it has never felt like much of anything for me. i get really hypersensitive and squeemish when he goes down on me. i guess it feels good but i get super uncomfortable. . . anyone else have this issue. i am so embarrassed about this. i brought it up to my doctor but it was kinda swept under the rug so i dont know what else to do but just grin and bare it and fake it when i am having sex with my husband.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi pureprophecy1

At 29 (or ant any time!) you shouldn't have to grin and bear your sex life. 

Some women are honestly not that sexual.  Some are ok with it, some aren't.  Women are made out to be sexual tigers, always ready to pounce on a man - women over 40 are called "cougars" if they date even a slightly younger man and it has all gotten a bit much with the bombardment of sexual messages and expectations women are expected to absorb and live up to. 

Some women who enjoy it but are happy with how they are as is, and end up feeling like they are dysfunctional because they aren't tying their men up with silk stockings every night. 

The problem is a problem if you're not happy. 

Why do you think that is? Think about it. 

You enjoy sexual activity, since you orgasm, but it seems like the intimacy of sexual intercourse doesn't do that much for you.   Do you want it to be, or do you feel that societal expectations expect you to be?  It sounds to me like are conflicted about how feel versus how you think you are expected to feel. 

Seeing a sex therapist may be a good idea.  You can learn how to let go of your trepidation and enjoy sex for what it is - a fun activity with your man that makes you feel good.

Don't go to a doctor that doesn't have any kind of knowledge here. It's like going to a dentist with a foot problem.  Ask or a reference to see a doctor who knows about sexual dysfunction to see if you have a hormonal issue or you're dealing with stress. A lot of sexual dysfunction happens in the brain, not the reproductive system. 

Does this sound like something you can do, pureprophecy1? 



November 29, 2014 - 5:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

The whole "societal expectations" thing sounds about right I guess. I just feel like other women are living this whole sex thing and I thought there would be much more to it. My husband and I have a great relationship otherwise and I feel bad because he thinks I don't enjoy sex because of him but that's not true. I've always felt like bla about sex. I've thought about seeing a sex therapist but I'm not sure if there are any in my area but I will talk about it to my husband and we will look for something together. Thanks so much for the advice

November 29, 2014 - 8:30pm
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