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I left a man with severe antisocial personality disorder in 2004. To date we are still battling in court. He continues to lie, manipulate, create the most disgusting and ridiculous falsehoods. How does one protect oneself against such a monster?

By Anonymous February 18, 2010 - 7:42pm
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We haven't heard back from you yet, but I wanted to offer you some information and support in the meantime.

Here is how the Mayo Clinic defines antisocial personality disorder:

"Antisocial personality disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in which your ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are dysfunctional. When you have antisocial personality disorder, you typically have no regard for right and wrong. You may often violate the law and the rights of others, landing yourself in frequent trouble or conflict. You may lie, behave violently, and have drug and alcohol problems. And you may not be able to fulfill responsibilities to your family, work or school."

I know that none of that is a surprise to you -- you have been dealing with it for years. But I am hoping it will help you to realize how little YOU actually have to do with it. He is not simply responding to you; he is responding to his mental illness, which apparently is not at all under control.

Here's the Mayo's page, if it interests you; there are also blue links down the left side that include Coping and Support links:


And here's the National Institutes of Mental Health page on the disorder:


Even that page says "Antisocial personality disorder is one of the most difficult personality disorders to treat. People with this condition rarely seek treatment on their own. They may only start therapy when required to by a court."

I guess my new questions for you are, (1) is there any way that the court you're in might require this man to get treatment? and (2) how much do you actually have to deal with him? and (3) do you have someone on your side in court who can point out what this disorder means to a person?

February 23, 2010 - 8:26am

Hi, Anon,

I'm with Susan. I'm so sorry you have been dealing with this for so long.

What are you battling over in court?

Do you have a lawyer, or do you need legal aid?

Does your ex ever threaten you physically?

Do you have a counselor or therapist who can help you work through your side of this pain?

Please tell us a little more so we can help.

February 22, 2010 - 10:48am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thank your question and I'm so sorry this has been going for six years now.

You need to get legal help straight away. Document all his behaviors and find an attorney - you can also do this through legal aid.

Do you have a restraining order against him? They are not always effective but they are an excellent way of enforcing accountability.

Call 911 if you are ever threatened.

Can you tell us a little more about your situation? Are you in court over property? Children? Money?

February 20, 2010 - 9:00am
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