ask: I love him, but don't trust him anymore

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My husband and I have been married 3 1/2 years. During this time, we have struggled with many issues. I love him dearly, and feel a connection that I have never felt. I just don't know what to do right now tho. Over the past 2 years, he had been angry all the time, and the fact that we did not have sex much increased the anger I fear. He would come home 'in a mood' and take it out on my self and my daughter. Not physically, but emotionally. I found out that he was having an emotional affair with someone at work, trading porn, writing pornographic stories, etc. When looking at the phone bill I found that in one day they had traded 300 texts. I asked that they do not continue, and he agreed, saying she meant nothing. Then I found out he was using other means to continue this affair. There were other involvements at that time as well. We split up for a few months and during this time I saw a major change and a new respect for me. We got back together. Now, he has a lot of female friends that he texts, calls, facebooks, etc. He has one in particular that calls and texts him 24/7. He says she is only his friend. There is more, but the basic problem is this - he keeps his facebook, email accounts secret, I believe he has put a privacy thing on his facebook so I can only see certain messages. his phone is always with him, he deletes all the history on the computer he uses. I found a common number that was on his cell phone many, many times and called it. It was a female, but when I approached him about it, he said it was a friend and the female that answered must be his wife/girlfriend. He was angry with me, and said I didn't want him to have any friends. I try not to get jealous (and yes my self esteem is in the gutter right now), but between the porn, the girls at work, the way he taunts me with telling me how this person is dressed and that person is dressed, and his phone ringing with texts all the time, I am getting very, very stressed over this. I do not have sex with him, because I am not interested in it right now. It is not out of being mean, but having sex is something I do when I feel secure and happy, otherwise, I can get B.O.B. out and not deal with the drama.
I know this is a lot of stuff. But, am I right to be concerned or am I over reacting???

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Hi There, I'm so so so confused! In August
2014, I found out my husband was cheating on me with my ex ex best friend despite sooo many denials and promises that he wanted me. A polygraph confirmed my suspicion.After several months, promises not to talk to the opposite sex online, and trying to rebuild trust, I found out he messaged his ex, telling her he'd be an hour away from her for a work related trip. What should I do? We've been reading a marriage book, and he even supposedly told a another female (his boss) that they shouldn't go out for lunch solo. HELP! :(

June 28, 2015 - 12:19am
EmpowHER Guest

Omg I am so going through that now, dunno what to do.

June 23, 2015 - 4:13pm
EmpowHER Guest

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June 23, 2015 - 9:41am
EmpowHER Guest

Sadly im going through the same thing. I've been with this man 4 years not living together had a few issues but of coarse I forgave him. Recently got married and I left my family, my job everything to move in with him in a different state. I've seen small signs and of coarse he has an excuse for everything and I prefer to trust his word than go through his phone but these signs pushed my to it I broke in to both his old and new phone and read to multiple conversations with females. He tells them he lives on base others that's he lives off base with a room mate. Some seem friendly and a few "emotional" relationships I would consider and I was so blown away because I've sacrificed so much and he plays this jealous spouse with me but it's obviously a cover up for him. But the thing is I've had one X that I remained friends with and eventually had to cut off because those weren't his intentions but my husband refuses to let that go that's always his come back. But prior to reading his messages I researched how to approach a cheating husband and it all went out that window when I was looking through his phone the other night I texted every females our wedding picture and just them know he's married and then I slapped the shit out of his to wake his up and 3 in the morning. My marriage is still fresh and now I know what he thinks marriage really is but once again the excuses come he's do anything for me he loves me they mean nothing the things I say to them I never fall threw I just say it to say it and I beleve that because he lives about stupid shit but his intentions are what really hurts me whether you acted it or not. So now I feel just emotionally drained and I feel trapped because I have a job here and I'm going to school when in reality all I want to do is leave and let him come home to and empty house literally because I did all the shopping and he's paying me back... Question is should I keep trying, try to build back the trust again or leave him when the semester ends? I'm ashamed to tell anyone what I'm going through honestly so I like that this is anonymous

February 25, 2015 - 12:07am
EmpowHER Guest

I lived this way for 13 years trust me it's not worth it! They don't change. Empty promises from them they will!

January 11, 2015 - 6:24am
EmpowHER Guest

It is not easy living with someone you don't trust. It is very unhealthy to think that he went to someone else imagine,everyday he is late and telling you he worked overtime and you knowing its not true. One can never build a home with anger and resentment. its terrible, I mean your man cant be glued to his phone in your presence it shows total resentment towards you. Its like he doesn't see you anymore , like you are invisible...or nothing your say will interest him.

December 19, 2014 - 3:41am
EmpowHER Guest

You can never change a man only God can or he himself can change.if you stay accept him as he is and don't complain. I know its not easy as we women live hoping each day that things will change. A grown up man will never change.never.

December 19, 2014 - 3:33am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm kind of going through the same stuff. My bf always goes on private browsing. I was trying to find something I looked up a few hours ago 'n' went scrolling through the history 'n' found some porn thing which we had some agreements about. Since.. losing trust in him... everything makes me paranoid. It's like... physically/mentally I feel like being with him is like being in the middle of a war. He has flirty txts with one of his female friends. I dunno...sometimes I wish I could just erase everything.. I feel so numb. I hope things get better with you <3 I'm sorry your going through this bullshit.

January 2, 2014 - 5:47am
EmpowHER Guest

Oh my are all being so beat around the bush with this poor girl..hippiechick heres the straight truth. He's cheatin on you girl. ..I'm not going to sugar coat it. Lose him like a bad habit. TRUST me on this. Seriously continue going to counseling for your own health and lose what is making you unhealthy. I would rather speak the truth to you than allow you to believe that this type of man can change. They can't and they won't. Plain and simple. He is not good enough for you. He is a liar CLEARLY as well as a cheater. God bless you in your journey to happiness.

April 15, 2011 - 3:28pm
EmpowHER Guest

Nearly a year ago now my boyfriend went out to the pub because we had an arguement, I left him to it and went to bed. I woke in the middle of the night to him getting into bed, I noticed he'd left the living room light on so I went to turn it off. I discovered the laptop open and a conversation he'd been having with some women on msn. Talking about how he wanted to do things with her and he also showed his penis on the webcam!! Anyway we had another arguement. He said he couldn't remember doing it and he was sorry. I kicked him out the flat for a few days. We got back together after long talks. Then about 5 months ago I discovered his msn and facebook account that he'd said he'd deleted. It was basically the same thing as before!! I kicked him out again, for longer! More talks. Me crying. I really wanted to let him prove to me that he could be a decent bloke, so I let him back. I feel like a mug writing this down, I sound like mug!!! Hes not done anything since, (as far as I know) he knows that next time thats it. We're finished. Im just finding it so hard to trust him, its doing my head in. Apart from this hes a lovely caring bloke!! I dont know what to do.

February 9, 2011 - 9:51am
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