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i need mental support...some confution

By Anonymous February 14, 2015 - 11:15am
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2 years ago ..i divorced my husband...his mother all time neglect me..and he does not understand me...he hit me many way..mentally and physically....i have three years child...all time my house environment was to much painful..that i cannot adjust with them...now my husband want me and remarriage me.but he say i cannot communicate with my parents....should i marriage him.

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I understand your situation better now.  I'd like to give you more insight to help you make a good decision.

You know what is best for your child and yourself.  You are very smart, education women.  You simply desire a good husband.  Loving your ex-husband however, will not change him.  I believe you already know what to do, you simply can't escape the need to have a relationship.

It is dangerous for you to think he is the only man for you.  He is not the only man for you.  I submit that you may find a loving husband (the kind of husband you want) with someone else.

The desire for a partner in life is a natural need that many people have.  When this part of your life is filled by someone you feel complete, even if that person is abusive to you. 

I venture to say, you do not miss the person your husband is: the hitting, control, violence, anger etc. The danger of accepting your husband back into your life is that you will enable him to continue treating you wrong.

Let me urge you to transfer your attention to the things that actually fulfill your life such as your degree, education, and family. 

Do not go back to your ex-husband simply to fill the need to love him.  He will continue to hurt you and your family no matter how much you love him.

I wish you all the best.


February 15, 2015 - 11:17am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to fchacon)

though my husband cheat with me....but i love him...u and my parents is same...same comments....they 100% avoid my husband...i divorced him but i cannot forget him...i try to achieve my degree...help to grown up my child...i am 32 years old...next life i dedicated myself for disable people...no need another husband...i cannot trust any men..you feel very happy.to know that i have sweet parents and sweet brother....they support me...shelter me...and we all love my baby...she is too much secure in my family...i am all time neglected by my husband but every body loves me...who are my surroundings every body respect me...so i try my self to control and does not communicate with him...though it is too much tough for me..

February 15, 2015 - 12:00pm
Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Yes, it feels impossible to cut out the man you love. But it is easier when you realize you can fall in love again, with someone else, who will actually love you back.


February 15, 2015 - 12:08pm

Hello and thank you for sharing.  I am so sorry to hear about your tough situation. I'd love to give you some advice.

First of all, you must know that domestic abuse is a crime in the US.  You did not mention your location, but if you live in the US, this is something to consider.

Do not feel pressured to marry someone you do not feel safe with.  You may feel that your child needs a father.  But your child needs a loving father not an abusive father.  And you also need a loving husband, bot someone that abuses you.

You are free to chose the life you want.  Do not allow him to control your life or your future.  If you wish to be in contact with your family, do not allow him to take that from you.

This is your life, so you should make choices that are safe and healthy for you and your child.


February 14, 2015 - 12:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to fchacon)

thanks for ur reply.... this is arrange marriage....my first love is my husband....after divorce i try to hate him....but i cannot control my self...still i feel i am bond with him ...i love him...when he call me...we receive his call...me and my child meet with him...now the situation is friendly....i am BANGLADESHI... in my culture this type of communication is not allowed...my parents all time anxious for me...i am all time pray my Allah my husband feel me ..and attach with me..i am a teacher of special child....i want serve them....i want to continue my study...like Phd degree..my job....in my job time my child safe in my mother house....but my husband does not allow it...he want to keep my child to house keeper..or day care center...but this two option i cannot agree with him..but the quality of day care center and house keeper is not good for my baby...i think if i again marriage him he stop my job and study...and he need housewife...but when the marriage was arranged he said that he would support my job....his parents wants dowry...and he also support them...before marriage me and my family could not understand them....i am totally shocked for their attitude....my husband is a banker. well educated...but his behave...is too much bad...he cannot control his anger...some time he quarrel with her mother and hit her...her mother also hit him.....same thing he did with me ...i never hit him...i think he love me....but his ego is too much bad..he think women also serve men...they have no choice and opinion...my mind is simple and open....i cannot adjust with them.. i try to forget them ....but i cannot...i complete MS degree in child development and social relation... i think a child need father....this type of quarrel some environment......a child cannot grown up well...she loss her self respect....so i fly from them....but i cannot forget them...still i am week for my husband..

February 15, 2015 - 9:20am
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