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I think my best friend has depression...

By August 31, 2012 - 10:23am
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me and my friend/coworker/boss have been friends 1998.she has pretty much been single the whole time besides 2 failed relationships.the 1st one lasted 4yrs he left her and married another woman..it just about killed her.a few yrs later she met a man that I belive used her for room and board.she ended it.she has been in love with a married man for 6 yrs.he divorced while she was in the 2nd relationship he wanted to be with her but she thought it was wrong to end it even though she loved him.when she did end the relationship the divorced man lead her on for 2 yrs saying he had alot of personal issues to work out and this and that.she is always not feeling good...unexplained pain in her neck and foot and EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.I think she may just be depressed.I went through it myself.How can I tell her without hurting her feelings that she is being played by this man...who by the way married another woman in secret and still wants to meet up with her every 7 months...she waits around for him and she is miserable.he couldnt love her he just couldnt.she is 38 y rs old and has a 12yr old son.I need her to move on but I dont know what to say.please give me guidance

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Oh I see okay. Sounds like she's dealing with this matter in a way that just want to keep herself busy. She really does need to take some time off. She is bothering herself like this. Have you tried talking her out to go on a vacation or something? How about seeing someone like a therapist? These would really help I know it's hard telling her all this but think about how you can tell her such things before you mention them to her.


September 5, 2012 - 11:27am

her and her sons father were together a very long time before they had a child and then she realized a break up was due.he had issues with drugs that came out.they have broken up for 12 years.he goes to his fathers on the weekends now because he has cleaned his act up.all she does is work and care for her son.she doesnt really have any fun.when she does take a vacation she goes and stays with her parents whom she ends up caring for while she is there.she needs to let her hair down or she is gonna wake up old and alone and be very very resentful.

September 5, 2012 - 4:14am

Hi Miss inexperienced, Your welcome. I also really love this site it's very helpful and you get lots of useful information. What your saying sounds right that she goes out and have a good time. Just to clarify something her son is with her dad meaning she is divorced, separated, etc.? Has she gone to any vacation recently or take some time off? If she hasn't it's really good for that she does it would help a lot.


September 4, 2012 - 6:27pm

well I thought about it more and actually I waited for my moment to talk about it.she was mentioning a old friend of hers invited her to hang out in the city...she said I dont think Im gonna go. I said ya know I think you should go...getting out of the house will be great for you.all you do is work and take care of your son and he is with his dad at the moment so go have a good time.I said I remember and you remember when I use to complain about all these aches and pains...I think I was depressed.I stayed in the house all the time and worked..everyone needs to let their hair down.she needs to stop waiting on this man and go live her life!!thanks alot for responding...I love this site now.

September 4, 2012 - 7:11am

Hi Miss inexperienced, This is a really tough situation. Being best friends for such a long time sounds really great but from what you think try spending some time alone together talk things out but don't use the word depression to her. See how she feels what she really wants and if it ends up being something really hard to answer try to explain it in the easiest way possible to help her out her feelings and you can be like "maybe talking to someone about this help this matter" but don't mention the word therapist. Since your saying you can't help her sounds like being a really tough situation you can tell her "maybe talking to someone about this help this matter". Think about this before telling her anything.


September 2, 2012 - 8:46pm

the thing is she never spends time with her boyfriends,she is always focused on her son.Im not saying she shouldnt be but he is gonna be 18 in 6 yrs and she is gonna be alone.she wants a loving relationship but she has many character flaws that she I guess doesnt realize..like she is all about status how much money he makes what kind of car he drives..she dates men of another nationality and thinks its ok to use racial slang about their people.I know you can not do that..they lose respect...she jokes about getting shiney pretty things and the married guy bought her a d ish washer.she didnt see him for 7months and if a man loves you he will be there.I can feel she doesnt like to hear about my relationship because finally after 18yrs in an abusive relationship I found happiness.it sucks cuz when ur happy u wanna share it with your friends and I cant with her.I dont think I can help her.

September 2, 2012 - 8:14am
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Hi miss inexperienced 7

Thanks for your post!

To be honest, I'm not sure what you can do here. Your friend puts herself in impossible situations in terms of relationships and then falls apart when the inevitable happens.

Being single isn't a problem in itself - there are many very happy single people out there and a few married people who wish they were! But it seems like your friend is interested in having a relationship although they turn out to be dysfunctional.

Depression could certainly be a factor here, and also something else that may be rendering her unable of having a normal relationship. She is also a role model for her 12 year old boy, and having these relationships isn't good for him either as he is losing his mom's attention and care in the process.

Be careful with how you talk to her and I am sure you will be - but ask her if she herself thinks that some therapy might help her through this. You can advise her that it has worked for many people and perhaps it's something she should think about. It's not a good idea to casually advise her that depression may be the case; that's up to her doctor/therapist but offer her the option of therapy, based on her current and longstanding unhappiness.

Let us know how it goes.



August 31, 2012 - 11:16am
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