I am 29, been married for three years, and have two beautiful children. Over the course of the six years my husband and I have been together, I have found numerous emails to other women, pornographic movies and magazines, and a computer history of him visiting pornographic sites. Recently, I even found a phone number on our cell phone bill, called it, and it turned out to be a girl. I confronted him and he said, "I'll fix it". He said he met her after work in the parking lot. A friend of someone he works with. A bunch of them went out to Applebees after work and since then he had been calling her every so often. He said nothing happened physically, it was someone to talk to and give him attention. After I had my two children(within two years of each other), I had put on a good sixty pounds. I have tried numerous times, unsuccessfully, to get the weight off. He tells me that he still is attracted to me and loves me just the way I am. He is very supportive in getting me motivated to work out and such, but what else would he do or say? He would never tell me that I'm fat and he is disgusted by me(even if that were the truth). He has been deployed twice to Iraq and suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which he is currently getting help for. We are in marriage counseling as well. I confronted him about the porn on the computer and he said he would get help and got rid of the computer. He knows I don't like porn in the house. I think it's digusting. We haven't had sex for 7 months. He won't initiate or touch me and turns me down when I initiate. He can, however, get off when watching porn. He recently came back from military training in Germany and I found numerous porn videos and mags in his backpack. I broke all the videos and ripped up all the magazines. I am upset because while he was over there he asked me to wire him money cause he had run out. He bought my daughter a $7.00 doll, my son a $5.00 train, and over $100.00 in porn. What scares me even more is that the porn videos are now getting more intense. He had a dominatrix one with a women who's mouth was wired open in order for the men to stick their penis in it. I don't understand what is wrong with me? Why is porn so much more important to him than me? I have threatened to leave him over it, which I thought he understood, but he keeps on buying it...not to mention, he doesn't go to any length to hide it.
Is it time for an ultimatum? I need advice on what to do? Thank you.
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Hi,
August 8, 2009 - 8:37pmI am no expert but I understand were you are coming from about your husband addiction to porn. My husband is also addicted I can not tell you what do in your situation but what I can say is that he needs help from someone who can help with his addiction. Because there will come a time when it gets worse before it gets better.
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I am in the same boat, I am 18 years old and my husband and I have been married for little over a month. This morning I got on my history, and he has been looking at porn religiously for the past week, and maybe longer because my history is only a week long. I found the pictures, the websites, all of that, and I have had a really tough life, and its been hard trusting people. In this I took my vows seriously, and yet it seems he has forgotten his. I don't know what to do, I have no family or friends I need advice as well. Please I am begging someone to help me!
September 9, 2009 - 9:07amI got married when I was 18 as well. My husband was a bit worse than yours though. We didn't have a "honeymoon" stage because he would never actually come to bed. He had set up a room and would stay in there all night with his extra hard drive of porn. I loved my husband very much, and am not a bad looking woman. We have been over this so... many times. Actually, it is one of the only things we ever fight about. He says the reason he likes porn is for the variety. "It's like staring at a beautiful picture for a really long time and than seeing a flash of another picture. You want to know what the f*** that other picture was."
June 7, 2010 - 5:37amTry to talk to him about it. If it is going to ruin the love life for you than he NEEDS to know. To warn you: I have been telling my husband this for years, and he still hasn't changed. I actually just walked in on him this morning jacking off to a "Red headed slut." I am quoting here. I mean no offense. It isn't going to change unless they get help. And in order for them to get help, they have to want it.
Talk with your husband and confront with him. Anyway addiction to porn is not a serious thing.
September 9, 2009 - 9:21amI don't know how you can say addiction to porn is not a serious thing. It is very serious, especially when it affects your relationship with your spouse, family, and in some cases, your job. It can consume your whole life. Google "porn addiction" and read up my friend. Hopefully that will change your opinion.
September 25, 2009 - 5:00pmTry doing a search for men in their 20s with erectile dysfunction+porn and see what you get. Yes, it's serious. More young men than ever have erectile dysfunction. And that's just how it's serious for guys. That's not even mentioning how many relationships it's ruined and is ruining even as I type this. Educate yourself!
June 6, 2011 - 1:09pmmen will never realize just what a big deal it is i have the same problem and sadley it has just gotten worse over the last 7 years i wake up every time knowing he is out there watching that and not with me that he is keeping the kids in there room and away from him to watch it so like all addictions it will only stop if he wants it to and gets help
September 9, 2009 - 10:41amI completely agree! And another thing they don't realize is how differently they treat the person they are with if they can have sexual relations with them after all of those trashy woman flitting across the screen... My husband has gradually gotten rougher and rougher. I don't think he is satisfied with the fantasy anymore! It is like he is trying to relive the porn videos with me! Do you have any idea how completely frustrating it is to actually make love and instead get you hair pulled so hard some of it falls out? (We haven't made love in over a year...) I don't even like having sex with my husband anymore, because he treats me like those woman on his videos. I tried to talk to him about it and he said there wasn't a problem. I tried again and he swore he's stop. Now I find out he has been looking at it every time my back is turned; he is just deleting the history. Please tell me there is something that can been done....
June 7, 2010 - 5:48amAnon
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. If he will not stop, nor accept therapy, it seems like you will have to accept this behavior if you wish to remain married to him.
Unless he wants to change - he will not, and nor will the situation.
Don't forget you have other options.
-Susan
June 7, 2010 - 1:21pmTo all you guys out there that are doing this stuff to your wives and girlfriends . You don't realize how fast she can kick you to the curb and leave. You will find yourself alone with nothing but your internet babes and masterbation to fill the void .I should know because i am that man now . Think about it .
September 21, 2009 - 5:49pm