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I want a baby so bad. in my early twenties. partner who already has a child does not want to give me a child,. Doesn't want to get engaged either. been together 3 yrs. He was never married but had a child at 17. I want a baby. On top of that just found out MY sister is pregnant, HIS sister is pregnant, and that his sister is engaged to her bf, and his brother also got engaged. Found this out all this info 2 days ago. I have been wanting a baby for a year. his siblings and their partners have been together for less years than us, and so has my sister. People are constantly talking about marriage and children around me, they know how I feel and they still do it. I am jealous since I am the one who wanted this. Is it wrong to feel this way? I am very depressed about it all.
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Dear Anonymous,
Where did this need or want for a baby come from at your young age? Baby's are wonderful and adorable-- but they are certainly much more work than playing with. There's feeding, bathing, colicky crying, diaper changing, lots of laundry, folding, clothes changing, sleepless nights (and days), temper tantrums, caring when they're sick, and much more that isn't glamorous along with the fact that you also have to take care of yourself in the process. Now, I'm sure you already knew this but it helps to put it all into perspective.
When you add all of that responsibility to the fact that your boyfriend doesn't want any children (at least for the time being) it will put a HUGE strain on your relationship and perhaps leave you as a single mother. Has it occurred to you that this may be why he isn't rushing into having more children?
Three years may seem like a long time to be together, but it really isn't. Your boyfriend may need just a little more time to decide to get married remember that he has already had one failed relationship in the past, he may be trying to avoid this with you. And just to help you out-- stop bringing marriage and babies up. He already knows how you feel, if you focus more on your relationship and less on everyone else's engagements and pregnancies-- you will see that this will change your relationship. He isn't going to jump and say "OK, lets get married and have kids" but it will make him realize that you're maturing and waiting until you are BOTH ready. Right now you are so fixated on his sister and your sister that you are miserable because you can't have what they have. It takes some couples 3 years to get married and another 3 to have children, it takes others 7 years and 2 more for kids-- we all have different lives and we can't spend them living vicariously through others wondering if the grass is greener on the other side--because it isn't.
Give your boyfriend time and more importantly, give yourself time. Early twenties is a time to enjoy each other. As a mother of two, I can tell you that children are more than hard work. They are never-ending work and sometimes, as hard as you try to keep your relationship fresh you will have to limit nights out to dinner, the movies, a night at the bar to once a week if you are lucky, or once a month or a few times a year if you are not.
I hate to paint the picture as real as it is-- but children are for people who are ready and willing to give up their lives to give it to someone else. And it takes two for that.
Wishing you the very best!
Rosa
November 2, 2011 - 6:17amThis Comment