ask: I was using a vibrator for a long time and now I have a boyfriend and no matter what I do I can't have an orgasm

Hey Anon, Thanks for writing. Your question is one we hear a lot and I'd like to refer you to this conversation that includes an expert opinion. You can read it by clicking here.

You may also find this interview with Dr. Marty Klein discussing sex toys interesting. You may also find his other videos about oral sex and sensate focus exercises interesting.

Take a look and please update us.

Do you think that maybe you became addicted to the vibrator and it's efficacy? Do you still use it? If you do, maybe it's best to quit cold turkey if you are in a relationship and your vibrator is affecting your sex life.
It might be a little like when a man is addicted to pornography and can't preform sexually with a woman, as he is so accustomed to the "easy" orgasm he can get with pornographic material.....
Just a thought....but I'm sure that the experts will have great advice.

I have the same problem. The solution? Use the vibrator during sex! My boyfriend loves that I use it. He actually grabs it out of my drawer and puts it in my hand during sex. Ask your man how he feels about it - he might be more receptive to it than you think.

I disagree that you are "addicted" to a vibrator: it is most likely a simple answer that many women do not have orgasms during sex, because the sexual act is not providing the same stimulation, in the same way as the vibrator. Your vibrator works because it is designed to provide direct stimulation to the most sensitive part of your body, with you controlling the pressure and every movement. Sexual intercourse, for many women, does not include stimulating the clitoris directly, and with another person in the mix, it is (obviously) impossible to control everything. It might take time to work together to reach your goal. There is really nothing more to "read" into it than that.

The suggestion above is interesting: what does your boyfriend think about using the vibrator during sex?

Along with Tina's great suggestions, here is another similar question and answer that you can read, "Why Can't I Reach an Orgasm?".

The question you are asking is so multi-faceted, but here are a few questions to think about, while you read the links we sent you.

1. What is your sexual relationship like with your boyfriend? What do you enjoy? What would you like to change? For instance, do you feel there is enough adequate stimulation ("foreplay"), so that you are highly aroused, mentally and physically?
2. Do you feel rushed to have an orgasm? Are you both rushing to get to the "goal", and not enjoying the "journey"? Are you enjoying the intimacy with your boyfriend in other ways, and vice versa?
3. How are other aspects of your relationship with your boyfriend, as other issues can manifest themselves in the sexual part. Do you feel that you are understood, loved, respected, listened to?
4. You mentioned that "now I have a boyfriend". How long have you been dating? Do you feel pressured to perform and have an orgasm, because that's what you think you should do (or what he wants you to do)? It might take some time with a new boyfriend, to gain trust and really "know" what feels best to each other.

If you're OK with all of your answers to the questions above, the links Tina and I provided do contain a few book resources, as well as other suggestions. Good luck! Let us know if you have any follow-up questions!

My boyfriend used to love it too. It cut down on the time he had to engage in foreplay.

I'm pretty similar - my current boyfriend is the first guy who's been able to bring me to orgasm. Before him I could only ever get off with my vibrator. I still haven't managed to have a clitoral orgasm with my boyfriend but I have g-spot orgasms quite often. Experiment with some positions - he showed me some I'd never tried and they're awesome because they hit the g-spot. If you're flexible have him bring your legs up in front of him in missionary or try doggy style with his legs straddling yours - so he's closer and he can massage your clit at the same time. Also I find the more foreplay we do the easier I orgasm. Don't loose hope - I thought I'd never be able to orgasm with a guy until now. Good Luck!

i like turkeys

hi