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I'm asking about depression. My husband and I married at 21 and are now 76. About 15 years ago I found out he had been having an affair for years today I found out he still is. He is ill and I spend my life caring for him. I don't know which way to turn.

By Anonymous February 7, 2016 - 1:01pm
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He met this woman when she was a girl. He is a master manipulator with almost every woman he meets. I am sure there have been others but this woman is the most important to him. He is quite ill and I care for his every need, he "can't do anything but sit and watch TV". The last four days he flew to another city to bee with her. What can I do to handle this?

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It's been a few months since you posted your question, so perhaps circumstances have changed.

If your husband is well enough to travel and visit his mistress, he is well enough to find another caregiver.

In all situations of emotional abuse, I counsel people from my own experience—get your own house in order. Find a counselor or psychologist to help you find your own worth and strength. Then you will be able to make a decision about the relationship from a position of power and self-worth. And you'll have a counselor on your team to help you with the emotional fallout.

Let us know how you are doing. Be well.

May 26, 2016 - 8:42am

Hello and welcome to EmpowHer,
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation and I would love to offer you some advice.
First of all I want to say that I will be giving my opinion based on limited information. So, you will benefit from getting several different opinions in addition to mine.
First I think it may be helpful for you to examine what you really what. Do you want him to stop cheating? Do you want to leave him? Do you want to stay with him? Do you want to transfer his care to another person?

Once you determine what you really want, you can pursue it completely. If its financial freedom, pursue that. If its a divorce, pursue that.
You must have your own needs met before you can help anyone else. This is especially important for you as a care giver. You may feel selfish for thinking of your own needs first, but don't. It isn't selfish, its necessary.
Do not feel obligated to sacrifice your own mental, or emotional wellbeing for a person who does not value it.
I understand this may be very complicated to put into practice. But I believe many answers will come to you once you know exactly what you want and start to pursue it.

February 7, 2016 - 7:18pm
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