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Im confused, see ive known my bf for

By September 4, 2009 - 3:14pm
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about 9 yrs now but jux decided to give it a try 2 months ago. We went to High school together and he has had this Big Crush on me, well we came back in contact alittle before we started dating and it appears he still had this thing 4 me. Between these years he has had 4 kids that he is raising himself (which i admire him so much for that). But im confused because he says he loves me and definately shows it when we are together, but when we are apart he doesnt text/call very much, im not saying for him to check up with me throughout the whole day, but atleast 1 call/text a day. My other issue is that i dont see him often and when i do its like for 4 hours max, which i dont get b/c he says he loves to spend time with me. I have asked him why this happens this way and he says we will work on it, but nothin yet. Please help me im feeling kind of hurt.

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EmpowHER Guest

Dear Confused in Texas,

There are certain truths to the fact that taking care of four children would certainly be time consuming in every aspect of the man’s life. My response to you would be, you are in control of you own life. He may spend four hours with you but that is probably everything that he can offer to you. It would be up to you if that is ‘okay’ with your wants and needs.

Remember you are in control of your love life, if you need more; this is not the man for you. If you are willing to sacrifice the daily text messages and deep down you know this man is spending the rest of his waking hours with his children, step back and don’t take offense to the minimal time he offers.

Ultimately it is your decision. You are in complete control and if you need more, there will certainly be another man that can offer you what you desire. I hope this helps.

Best of luck.

September 5, 2009 - 8:35am

I hope his children are adults now for you to be even thinking of such a question. Otherwise, I hate to say this, you are quite selfish and immature at your age. But hey, please don't get offended. Being a parent is one of the things in life that everyone learns by doing and not in any other way so its not your fault if you don't understand how it is taking care of a single child, how much more 4 of them. You really should consider yourself lucky if he spends 4 hours straight with you.

September 5, 2009 - 6:45am
HERWriter Guide

Dear Confused in Texas

If he is the single parent of four young children, I can assume that he is busy taking care of them. I have three young children myself and would find it really difficult getting away for even four hours. This is the life we have when we have multiple young children!

Obviously they are his number one priority and until they are adults, you will have to remain slightly in the background, unless you marry and then you'll all live together.

With regard to the text or phone call every day - some people are just not texters or callers who do it to say 'hi!'. There are many days I won't talk with my husband at all during the day - I'm too busy with work commitments and my kids and he is very busy at work. That's probably what is going on with that. If he works during the day and takes care of four kids all night, then he's probably lucky to eat sitting down!

Try not to feel hurt about it or be confused- it kind of comes with the territory when you are dating a man with four young kids. I'm sure he also wants to spend more time with you so hopefully your relationship will mature into marriage and time, while still short, will be less of a problem.

Your relationship (from a romantic viewpoint) is brand new. Give it time. His focus right now is where it needs to be (his kids) and I'm sure down the line, the transition will be smooth.

I hope this helps and good luck in your relationship!

September 5, 2009 - 6:32am
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