I've been dating this guy with aspergers for almost 7 months now. In the beginning of our relationship we were very close and intimate but after I was diagnosed with anxiety I was unable to be intimate again. It made me very uncomfortable. We went to therapy for it and I discovered why I'm unable to be intimate was because when I was younger I was molested by an older cousin for a really long time and I never dealt with those feelings so now its really affecting me. He knows this but he would still ask for small intimate activities. I would say no but he would keep asking and begging until I finally said yes so he would leave me alone.
He's sexually frustrated I know. But he doesn't understand how I feel about sex. How can I enjoy something that was used against me for so long? My feelings from so long ago are very confusing to me. But he dosent understand that and I dont know how to explain that to him.
So recently he started having sex with me while I was sleeping and I woke up panicking and he started panicking and apologizing. I started pushing him away and that's where he started crying because he really loves me and he feels guilty. Now my feelings are even more confusing and I don't know what to do. I want to break up with him. But he has aspergers so I don't know if he really understands why what he did was wrong and he and his mom keep telling me that it was a mistake and he didnt mean to do it and he's sorry and he wants to fix it. But I don't know if I can trust him again.
I feel like he raped me and thats unforgivable.
I told him about my past. He knows its hard for me to even give him hand jobs because its so uncomfortable. But I still did it because I love him and I wanted to please him. The feeling of his hard penis when we are cuddling makes me super uncomfortable too but I tried my best to not think about it because I love him. I compromised so much for him even though it made me uncomfortable and he does this to me??? I feel so betrayed. But why do I feel sorry for him??? I'm so confused I don't know what my feelings are anymore.
Today he came up to me trying to explain why he did what he did. He claims to have sexonmia but i think hes just trying to put the blame on something else instead of taking the blame. I really dont know what to do.
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.