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I'm a young Man seeking Women's perspective - I have chronic pain (Nerve Damage, Herniated Disks) and PTSD (partly due to job), leading to Erectile Dysfunction and PME, giving me extreme anxiety about relationships or even approaching Women.

By Anonymous September 27, 2015 - 5:02am
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So I'll try to sum it up - I have chronic pain, PTSD, and am in Intelligence which means I view and analyze nasty shit (Daesh/the [un-]'Islamic State')beheadings, KFR hostage videos etc.). This lends itself to my having some issues with ED, and multiple issues w/. Pre-mature (PME). I have declined hits, and talk leading to "Wanna get a drink?" or "Go to my place?". I'm trying to get better (analgesic/Narcotic (opioid) management, stress-reduction etc.), but still find it hard to be invited over for a drink or more and then say "Well see, I've got this problem and it means you might not find me the best in bed". Obviously there are bloody good reasons for this, but nonetheless I find it demeaning and nor do I want there to have to put up with some who can't really satisfy her.

How understanding do you say a 20-something y.o. would be of this, and how do I approach this (except for the Cialis and pain-killers ;))?

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Hello and welcome to EmpowHer,
First of all, I think I speak for the entire EmpowHer community when I say, thank you for your service! Your sacrifices are invaluable and I personally want to express my condolences that you must endure all the physical and phycological effects that your job inflicts. It's a harsh world.
I would love to help give you a new perspective, however on how a 20-something women would absorb your personal information in a romantic setting. I understand you may think a women would be turned off by your struggles. But I believe you will find the opposite will happen if you approach the subject as follows. First of all, the quality of sex for most women depends on the kind of feelings she has for the man. Sharing that you are in "Military Intelligence," or you can even say "Special Forces," can automatically give her feelings of admiration. That is a great start!
Next, girls love a good compliment. If you do, say, make it past "go to my place?" sharing a bit more information about yourself will actually be to your advantage. Start out by saying you really like her, and other good qualities you've noticed about her. Then express your sincere desire to make her happy, but you're concerned you might not be able to because the nature of your job has made it difficult to relax and enjoy being with a girl. Sharing things along those lines and admitting your struggles may seem like a sign of weakness, but for a women, it shows you can be open and vulnerable with her, and women love that! It also gives her feelings of sympathy, and gives her the desire to chase away your demons, so to speak. At that point, the quality of hooking up is not solely in your hands. Now, she also wants to make you happy, and perhaps even be the first to ease your traumas (which is also an exciting idea for many girls).
I sincerely wish you luck! Let us know if you have anymore questions.

September 27, 2015 - 12:19pm
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