Facebook Pixel

inability to get physically aroused, emotionally very attracted.

By December 26, 2014 - 2:56pm
Rate This

first of all i would like to apologize as i didnt realize i was posting as an anonymous user when i originally posted this, and im not sure how to take that post off. but i did have something to add for medical points (at bottom)

History: I'm 29 years old. I have no history of sexual trauma or abuse. I have always been a "instant arousal" kind of gal; being able to achieve multiple orgasms, very quickly even with my current partner whom I trust, and adore. We have been together 10 months. He has always had a history of hitting my cervix (or what I assume is such based on research and general knowledge) it's extremely painful. I have ended up with cramping, spotting, and extreme pain during and after intercourse. Pain lasts anywhere from an hour to a week (spotting is usually immediate and stops quickly).

This has happened with him and one other person who was also well endowed, and are the only times this has been an issue (past partner was the only partner between jan 13' and jan 14', current and only partner since feb 14'). I have also experienced tearing on the perineum area, and what feels like inside along my walls on multiple occassions. usually waiting a week or more for healing between intercourse.

I am very enamored with my partner, I get butterflies when he holds my hand. On occasion I will find myself staring at him in awe for no reason.. My hearts all a flutter and what not, so emotionally I am incredibly aroused by him. physically He knows how and where to touch, and is knowledgeable with my body. Our line of communication on this subject is very open, and 80%-90% of the time hears when i ask to stop, or slow down (hey, he's a guy, he gets excited it happens); however i feel terrible leaving him unsatisfied if i cant continue, and will move to other forms of arousal even if my head isnt "in the game".

Physically I find myself unable to get wet. I can feel an aching yearning sensation in that area, the wanting for sex, but there is no natural lubrication. I have experienced tearing even while using plenty of lubrication. Even while using a long lasting lubricant we find ourselves having to reapply multiple times. which is not only inconvenient, but terribly embarassing for me.
my partner is incredibly patient, and wonderful about this whole thing, and is willing to help do whatever needs to be done. I'm more concerned about this sudden onset (3-6 months). why now? is it age, medical, am i just getting to a point where i am going to need things like foreplay to get "ready"?

I have a yearly pap next week, and am looking for things to discuss with my doctor.its gotten to a point where its messing with me psychologically (2 months) which i'm sure is adding to my inability to properly perform. i am on antidepressants (wellbutrin) which are helping my depression but not helping with this.

-we are not using protection
- aroused he is between 9&11 inches depending on how aroused he is, and is very thick as well
- neither he nor I currently or in the past have had an STD
-I started the HPV vaccination at 15 became sexually active at 17.
- i have had two abnormal paps both with scraping of the cells, and ultrasounds that followed, and one followed up with an obgyn exam. Both years there has been nothing cancerous, or STD related.
-I am overweight, have been for a long time. However recently no change in lifestyle, eating healthier, more water consumption, and have gained close to 50lb in a year.
- currently using "wet platinum" silicone based lubricant
- sex will often lead to me crying, feeling inadequate, and him telling me that
- back pain leaves me with no feeling but pain in pelvic region (diagnosed with bulging disc at c5c6 and similar in neck area)

whatever this is we will get past it. i just cant understand why with no "trauma" or medical history this is just suddenly happening.

im sorry i know this is super duper long, but im trying to give as much information that i can. I thank you for your time and patience in getting through all of this, and appreciate any advice

Add a Comment2 Comments

Thank you for your advice.
I saw the doctor new years eve, and the immediate results were
-you have a yeast infection
-If he is significantly larger than your opening allows there can be tearing
-I didn't notice any scar tissue
-your dryness is most likely due to your yeast infection, and should clear up, if it's still an issue a well or so after, call and we will discuss low level estrogen, and try that.
-I noticed nothing abnormal, but your test results should show more if there's something to be concerned about

Also I had seen a gyno last year for an abnormal pap, my results over the phone were "we see nothing to be concerned about, no need for further" blah blah blah
HOWEVER, my doctor said her notes from the gyno that I had shown results for level 1 (lowest level, I get the order confused) and would require hpv testing every year from now on.

I am currently waiting on test results

January 7, 2015 - 3:35pm

Hello xoltol,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community and thank you for reaching out to us with your concern.

My advice is to related all this information to your gynecologist during your upcoming appointment.Pain and tearing to the perineum as a result of intercourse is not normal and must be evaluated by your physician.


December 29, 2014 - 9:30am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!