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By Anonymous April 2, 2015 - 8:17pm
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My boyfriend of three years (47yrs) is not sexually active and is not into kissing. I have had plenty of past experiences to know better - that it isn't me. Never before have I been told that I have bad breath or kiss bad. I really miss making out and I wish he liked it. He has been like this from the start even our first kiss was a small peck. He has never been married and has no kids. I just don't know if this will be a problem down the road?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post - I'm sorry you're having difficulties in your relationship.

Have you ever been intimate with your boyfriend? If not, you may be in a friendship rather than a romantic relationship. Perhaps your boyfriend sees you as a friend, even if he says otherwise. 

Are you sure he is attracted to women? Something may have gone on in his life that is causing this and he's not telling you. 

In other words, there could be many reasons for why this is happening. 

Since you are together three years, you're kind of in "the long run" already. Talk to him about how you feel. Therapy is a great idea if he'll agree to go with you. 

If not, then changes will have to come from you and you need to decide if this is the relationship for you. You can't force someone to change - that has to come from them.

Good luck and keep us posted,


April 3, 2015 - 5:58am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Thank you Susan.
I find this hard to talk about with others because its not that easy. I am 48 years old and have been divorced over 15 years now. Married once. We have been intimate and honestly probably about 30 times in the 3 years together. I of course having to be the one to initiation it every time. Yes, I have tried bringing the subject up to him and every time I get the same thing "Im sorry I will try harder". He has no problem looking at sport illustrated magazines and will browse the internet. He would much rather have oral than performing in bed. He hadn't dated for 6 years prior to me and he last relationship ended by her. He told me that they usually had oral too. He claims his girlfriend left him because she finished school (college) and he didn't know what he wanted.
Now on the flip side he is very kind and is a gentleman for the most part - can act like a kid every now and then Lol....
I love him I really do but I also miss the rest that comes with a relationship.

April 3, 2015 - 11:14am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I have no doubt you love him which makes it worse. What do you mean by browsing Sports Illustrated? You mean the swimsuits? That's just one issue. The rest are usually featuring hot, sweaty athletes! 

I also find it noteworthy that he wants oral rather than vaginal sex.  Anon, I don't want to harp on it but I really think you need to ask him if he is actually straight.  From my experience, he's showing signs of homosexuality, not heterosexuality (not that straight guys don't love oral but they love actual sex too). 

Either way, this is a sexless relationship and if you want more, your deserve more.  Anon, you're young - move on if you want more from a man.  You can always maintain a friendship with your current man.  I've seen too many women live in unfulfilling relationships who end up old and lonely and wishing they had moved on years earlier. You can't make a relationship work if the ingredients simply aren't there. 


April 3, 2015 - 3:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Today I had a small window of opportunity to be intimate with him. As usual I had to make the move. It was no different than other times he was unable to get an erection so he had to pleasure me orally. When I tried to return the same he was unable to get aroused. It lasted about twenty mins and we were done. I asks him what was wrong he said that he can seem to keep his mind on one thing. He said he has a hard time focusing long enough to keep going. I'm so frustrated and confused at the same time. Don't know if I'm being selfish for wanting more??

April 4, 2015 - 11:42pm
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