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Is it normal for my boyfriend to masturbate in the middle of the night.. Even though we had sex before we fell asleep??

By March 22, 2011 - 9:13am
 
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I've been dating my bf for a year now and we live practically live together. And by practically I mean he goes home about two days a month! About two weeks ago I woke up Around 3 am and noticed that he was masturbating.. After we had just had a great sex session before going to sleep! I was shocked! I didn't move or say a word. Not that I am against masturbating, I do it myself and he knows that.. Which is probably while I feel bad even saying anything about it. But the fact that he was doing it in the middle of the night after we had sex.. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Not to mention the awkwardness of waking up to your bf doing that. So I kin of let it go but a few days passed and we didn't have sex for two nights. Maybe just feeling like I wasn't good enough made me not be in the mood? He later mentioned that he had no option but to masturbate those two nights (which I had catches him again one of those two nights!) I told him I didn't understand.. We have sex every night! I would think going a day or two with out it would not be too out of this world to where you had to be up in the middle of the night touching yourself. I later told him that it made me feel like I wasn't good enough.. His response was that he only did it those two nights that we had not had sex and that he didn't want to wake me up in the middle of the night ( so much for that!!) so after expressing how I felt... Last night I caught him again!! It's gotten to the point where I can't enjoy having sex the same way I did. I feel like it's our connection isn't the same :( am I just being dramatic? Or does he have an issue? In the year we have been together we never had this problem and our sex drive is the same:( help!!

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am a guy, 23 years old. Women you don't need to take offense really you should feel good if he's masturbating after sex. It means you really turned him on and he wants more orgasms. Unlike you women it's near impossible for us to get multiple orgasms in one session of sex. Usually it's one as we blow our loads you. Personally I masturbate about a half hour after sex with my fiancee. It has nothing to do with her not be adequate (quite the opposite actually). You see after we cum once it's harder to cum the second time even with a half hour break between so some times since we know how to get ourselves off a little better (after all it's our own penis) we can achieve another orgasm more easily. Also if you are asleep we don't want to be a dick and wake you up so that's why we play with our dicks ourselves. I'm sure if you don't fall asleep right away and wait a bit of time he may want to go at it again. I least I would I love my fiancee's vagina!

August 30, 2016 - 7:42pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, but I've only recognized this being a problem in the last month. The 1st time I caught him self-servicing in bed beside me I was shocked & offended. We have a lot of sex, multiple times everyday and head whenever he wants, yet I'll still wake up to him beating it 4 or 5 times a night, preventing me from sleeping. I don't mind him masturbating but in bed beside me has become an actual problem. He hides it and pretends to sleep if I wake or move, which makes me feel uninvited to join and also hesitant to embarass him by talking about it during the day. I've even upped my libido to try to match his but it never compares to his own hand, I guess. This has been driving me crazy. I know it's his natural urges, but our sex life is extremely active already. I'm so lost.

August 13, 2016 - 5:22am

I recently had the same problem. Me and my boyfriend have been living with each other for 5 months and have had a great sex life. Except for sometimes he can last up to 40 minutes and then just end up masterbating to finish. That usually makes me think im not good enough for hes not attracted to me. About a week ago i woke up to the bed moving and i though he was masterbating in the middle of the night but i wouldnt let myself believe that so i just tried to fall back asleep. We didnt have sleep all week so it was starting to concern me. Last night i woke up to the same thing about 4 times in the middle of the night! Each time i would roll over and he would stop cause he though i was awake i guess. But then he would do it again like an hour later!! Am i not supposed to think thats strange or hes not attracted to me? I alway ask him to have sex every night and he says he is too tired now. I never say no to sex so i dont know why hes opting to masterbate in the middle of the night now.

September 19, 2015 - 12:58pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to abledy)

Hi abledy

Thanks for your post!

The only way to know what's going on it to talk to him. Does he do with with his phone around? He may be watching porn a lot which can render him uninterested or unable to have sex with a real woman. This is becoming a huge problem with men and porn. Most are ok with it but there is an increasing minority of men who get obsessed with it and end up unable to have sex with a real woman.

Best,
Susan

September 21, 2015 - 3:36pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm a guy and I sometime masturbate after sex. My wife likes me to finish inside her which is fine but I seem to get a better release when outside her. I like to finish on her belly or t*ts. So if I didn't get a good release I'll maybe go solo a few hours later. No harm done. To the ladies who catch their boyfriends going solo, once in a while offer to help them out letting them finish on you. As long as it's not affecting your satisfaction in normal sex, let him have a bit of variety. Every now and then you could even spoil him. I think most men wake up with a boner so if you're awake before him go down or grab hold and give him a treat. He will be really impressed and spoil you in other ways...

May 9, 2015 - 4:09am
(reply to Anonymous)

I've been with this guy for 2 months and we have sex every night, only twice he has ejaculated inside me, more often than not we will be having great sex but after a while he stops and finishes off by masturbating over me, I haven't said anything but it's making me think he's not turned on enough to do it with sex, is this normal as its happening every time

August 25, 2015 - 6:52am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Idk never been through that with my partner but if it was me I would help him out!!!!! He could being doing worse things....idk call it crazy bit it would turn me on!!!! Me and my bf have crazy busy work schedules so when we hook up we usually have sex sometimes 5 times a night so we both are usually beat by the time we are done and usually 3 times in the morning. We have been together a year and 6 months.

March 23, 2015 - 12:05am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have a story to share as well feeling really annoyed n low. So i met my ex from 2 yrs ago. We never had sex in that 3 month relationship because i didn't want to. So i happened to work around his area n asked to have lunch. We had lunch said bye like buddies. Then he texted n asked if i left his city already? N i should Visit His place since we haven't seen each other. I was ok with it. I ended up spending the night. He showed no interest in doing anything and i know we we're going to share the same bed so wasn't sure where this was going..? We decided to watch movie in his bed. Five mins into the movie he asked for a kiss. Then it happened!! It lead to it slowly but it happened. let me add a yr back he had been very persistent in asking me to come over his place n gave up.

So here is where im so confused n disturbed. After he washed up n came back to the room it felt so weird. Sex was quick i didnt really get a chance to complete:/ N he knew that! He crawls into bed and goes on his on fb or whatever. I pretended to sleep. He didn't cuddle with me or anything

February 27, 2015 - 11:36pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

It sounds like you were a booty-call in this instance - maybe he felt like hooking up and you responded so what happened happened. He may not be the romantic, cuddling type. 

If he doesn't want a further relationship with you, then look on it as a hook up. He may want to keep things casual.

Best,

Susan

March 2, 2015 - 6:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've caught my boyfriend taking care of business on his own before, we are both doctoral students, both also have work schedules and sometimes those schedules don't line up. We've been dating for about a year and about three months ago, I was out in livingroom working on my laptop when I heard tell-tale noises. I listening intently, basically heard the whole thing, waited for him to finish, then walked by the bedroom to casually "use the restroom". I gave him enough time to change his position and hide any visual evidence, but it was pretty obvious what had been happened. At first I was furious: after all, I was 20 feet away in the other room and have NEVER refused sex during our entire relationship. I felt that I was worth more than that. I then read comment after comment online from men stating that this was normal.

I decided to drop the battle, I never discussed it with him except to once ask for the following: taking care of business on his own is my business and has nothing to do with me. How he chooses to do it-as long as its solo-also has nothing to do with me (basically saying that I'm never going to complain if he's a porn viewer), but I do ask that his solo time not get in the way of our together time. Meaning: don't just jerk off to porn all the time and never have energy for me. We agreed, and things were fine.

Until I also caught him taking care of things in bed next to me while I slept.

Ok guys: I'm at his place 3 nights a week, typically. He has four to do this on his own. Doing it in bed next to me is just downright RUDE. First, the fast rapid motion vibrates the bed and wakes me up. From what I've read, it wakes MOST of us women up so stop being so selfish. Second, any thought to the fact that I too might need some "stress" and "tension" release? So basically, you are willing to assume that you are the only one who needs to get some, you are too lazy to go through the additional motions of sex, you don't even have the self-discipline to wait ONE night until I'm back at my place, or even until morning when I'm in the shower AND you are don't care if you wake me up? All because you have to have what you want WHEN you want it?

That doesn't sound like a healthy agreement between couples, that sounds like a selfish guy and women who are taught to accept it.

Sorry, take care of your business WHENEVER YOU WANT but do NOT do it in bed next to me when you think I'm asleep. Tension for me is no easier to sleep through, being turned on for me is just as mentally overwhelming as it is for you, but I've just been conditioned via society to ignore it and you've been conditioning to get down there and start taking care of it.

When it comes to masturbation and porn: it's none of my business. As long as it doesn't involve another woman, or something unhealthy or illegal, I don't care. Have at it. But have the decency of knowing that I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone here and going beyond my female instinct, which is to see that any sexual gratification without me is a sign that I'm not doing my job, and I'm being open enough to realize that my insecurities don't need to be reflected on you. See that I'm already making a huge step and do the same: don't wake me up because you are fapping your brains out and shaking the bed. Wait until I'm not in bed next to you or let me join in.

February 2, 2015 - 8:12am
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