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Is it normal for my boyfriend to masturbate in the middle of the night.. Even though we had sex before we fell asleep??

By March 22, 2011 - 9:13am
 
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I've been dating my bf for a year now and we live practically live together. And by practically I mean he goes home about two days a month! About two weeks ago I woke up Around 3 am and noticed that he was masturbating.. After we had just had a great sex session before going to sleep! I was shocked! I didn't move or say a word. Not that I am against masturbating, I do it myself and he knows that.. Which is probably while I feel bad even saying anything about it. But the fact that he was doing it in the middle of the night after we had sex.. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Not to mention the awkwardness of waking up to your bf doing that. So I kin of let it go but a few days passed and we didn't have sex for two nights. Maybe just feeling like I wasn't good enough made me not be in the mood? He later mentioned that he had no option but to masturbate those two nights (which I had catches him again one of those two nights!) I told him I didn't understand.. We have sex every night! I would think going a day or two with out it would not be too out of this world to where you had to be up in the middle of the night touching yourself. I later told him that it made me feel like I wasn't good enough.. His response was that he only did it those two nights that we had not had sex and that he didn't want to wake me up in the middle of the night ( so much for that!!) so after expressing how I felt... Last night I caught him again!! It's gotten to the point where I can't enjoy having sex the same way I did. I feel like it's our connection isn't the same :( am I just being dramatic? Or does he have an issue? In the year we have been together we never had this problem and our sex drive is the same:( help!!

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have an agreement with my boyfriend: He can watch porn but he cannot touch himself, I fondle and masturbate him (which I love to do), while he does the same to me. He has both of his hands free because It`s either a slide show or a video, only occasionally he has to use the mouse. I`m usually not watching, I concentrate on him and I`m not jealous, because the girls won`t jump out of the video to grab him. We love each other, but that`s the only way he gets pleasure with me, and I wish it could be different. To make it clear: It`s always masturbation, no penetration. With penetration he loses his erection in less than one minute, so he never had an orgasm inside me. We are both 18, we have been best friends for 10 years now, and I hate the fact that he became addicted to porn by that long (since 8 years old!), and worse: because of my older brothers. His sisters told me that my brothers (aged 9 and 10) showed him how to look for porn in the internet, and our families never controlled us on that mater. Now we are 18 and studying on the same university, same course, and besides we already working and living together, so no one can control us now, but I keep thinking: Why was it ok for him to watch porn but not ok for us to learn how to have sexual pleasure with one another when we were 8 years old? Maybe that`s the problem: It`s very very simple to find porn and find privacy to watch it even at 8 years old, but not to find a decent partner for sex at any age. There are researches that indicate that 30% of male college students will never ever have a sexual partner. That`s why we are having the problems we are having now. The way I see it, my boyfriend should not be addicted to porn since he was 8, he should be addicted to me, but did we have a choice? Now we have a situation where the nicest guy in the world can`t have sex with his girlfriend. By the way, it took me 60 days to learn how to give him pleasure, we almost gave up trying. In the first 15 days he would not even have an erection, at one point he said that If I depended on giving a proper hand job to have a meal I would starve to death. It was very difficult for me to learn it, many times he said that I was hurting him, but he kept to his word and never touched himself, and after two months without having an orgasm I think even a grinder would give him one. Now he has at least one every day, for the last 6 months. I don`t know if I can take this situation forever, but at least he`s not having pleasure alone anymore. And again, it has nothing to do with jealousy; I just want things to be different. My last word: He`s messed up, but he`s “my” messed up. I will never give up on him, ever.

July 8, 2017 - 4:26pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have been married and with this same man for 30 years and masturbation is a regular thing for us both. Not because neither of us feel we're not good enough for the other, but because it is a very satisfying and normal healthy event. We still have a very active sex life also.I actually enjoy the feeling of the bed vibrating and hearing him softly pleasuring himself.Ladies don't stress it. It's natural. Do yourself a favor and enjoy the fact he's comfortable enough to do it next to you and not hiding it.Sometimes I'm exhausted and sleep through it, but others it is very much a turn on hearing him and feeling the bed vibrate that I join him and we orgasm together and go to sleep.

April 5, 2017 - 8:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am a guy, 23 years old. Women you don't need to take offense really you should feel good if he's masturbating after sex. It means you really turned him on and he wants more orgasms. Unlike you women it's near impossible for us to get multiple orgasms in one session of sex. Usually it's one as we blow our loads you. Personally I masturbate about a half hour after sex with my fiancee. It has nothing to do with her not be adequate (quite the opposite actually). You see after we cum once it's harder to cum the second time even with a half hour break between so some times since we know how to get ourselves off a little better (after all it's our own penis) we can achieve another orgasm more easily. Also if you are asleep we don't want to be a dick and wake you up so that's why we play with our dicks ourselves. I'm sure if you don't fall asleep right away and wait a bit of time he may want to go at it again. I least I would I love my fiancee's vagina!

August 30, 2016 - 7:42pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, but I've only recognized this being a problem in the last month. The 1st time I caught him self-servicing in bed beside me I was shocked & offended. We have a lot of sex, multiple times everyday and head whenever he wants, yet I'll still wake up to him beating it 4 or 5 times a night, preventing me from sleeping. I don't mind him masturbating but in bed beside me has become an actual problem. He hides it and pretends to sleep if I wake or move, which makes me feel uninvited to join and also hesitant to embarass him by talking about it during the day. I've even upped my libido to try to match his but it never compares to his own hand, I guess. This has been driving me crazy. I know it's his natural urges, but our sex life is extremely active already. I'm so lost.

August 13, 2016 - 5:22am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

OMG I feel the same way. I had finally convinced myself I must be crazy. But then I get visual confirmation I'm right. Jesus it does suck and can make u feel inadequate. I have never in my life had problems until now. I've never doubted myself. I masturbate 2-4 times a day. I watch porn with or without him. He knows I do this. But he will pretend to be asleep and masturbate and if I move or anything he stops. Wtf is he intentionally trying to make me question my sanity? It feels like it. And therefore I feel like he's playing games with me. I don't understand.

August 26, 2017 - 12:08am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am dealing with the same issues and it never was an issue or he just to me seems like he just dont care. because ive gone as far as telling him i know he does it and he gets mad at me and denies the fuck out of it even if i caught him with my bare eyes. i feel like he has no respect for me in the aspect knowing how it makes me feel. he claims hes never done it but i can beg to defer on several occassions, like to the point i cant and havent slept well or for an entire night in almost 4 months and its mentally messing me up in my head and idk what to do or who to turn to which is why i am here...

October 17, 2017 - 9:55am

I recently had the same problem. Me and my boyfriend have been living with each other for 5 months and have had a great sex life. Except for sometimes he can last up to 40 minutes and then just end up masterbating to finish. That usually makes me think im not good enough for hes not attracted to me. About a week ago i woke up to the bed moving and i though he was masterbating in the middle of the night but i wouldnt let myself believe that so i just tried to fall back asleep. We didnt have sleep all week so it was starting to concern me. Last night i woke up to the same thing about 4 times in the middle of the night! Each time i would roll over and he would stop cause he though i was awake i guess. But then he would do it again like an hour later!! Am i not supposed to think thats strange or hes not attracted to me? I alway ask him to have sex every night and he says he is too tired now. I never say no to sex so i dont know why hes opting to masterbate in the middle of the night now.

September 19, 2015 - 12:58pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm a guy and I sometime masturbate after sex. My wife likes me to finish inside her which is fine but I seem to get a better release when outside her. I like to finish on her belly or t*ts. So if I didn't get a good release I'll maybe go solo a few hours later. No harm done. To the ladies who catch their boyfriends going solo, once in a while offer to help them out letting them finish on you. As long as it's not affecting your satisfaction in normal sex, let him have a bit of variety. Every now and then you could even spoil him. I think most men wake up with a boner so if you're awake before him go down or grab hold and give him a treat. He will be really impressed and spoil you in other ways...

May 9, 2015 - 4:09am
(reply to Anonymous)

I've been with this guy for 2 months and we have sex every night, only twice he has ejaculated inside me, more often than not we will be having great sex but after a while he stops and finishes off by masturbating over me, I haven't said anything but it's making me think he's not turned on enough to do it with sex, is this normal as its happening every time

August 25, 2015 - 6:52am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Idk never been through that with my partner but if it was me I would help him out!!!!! He could being doing worse things....idk call it crazy bit it would turn me on!!!! Me and my bf have crazy busy work schedules so when we hook up we usually have sex sometimes 5 times a night so we both are usually beat by the time we are done and usually 3 times in the morning. We have been together a year and 6 months.

March 23, 2015 - 12:05am
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