ask: Is it OK to let my mother-n-law stay w/us because she's scared someone is hurting her, or is that giving into the illness?

If a person is unable to care for themselves safely, then no, they should never be left alone to care for a child. If proper self-care is not possible, then childcare should certainly not be allowed.

You are not "giving into" the illness by believing her when she says she thinks someone is trying to hurt her. This kind of paranoia IS part of the illness - it's a real symptom of schizophrenia, just like fever is a symptom of the flu.

Do you have a child and you are worried that your MIL may hurt your child? If so, do not try to help your MIL by having her move in - this may risk the safety of your child - and will not help either of them. Your MIL may need to have home help care - is this possible? Does she have insurance or the financing for this?

Not every person with schizophrenia is a risk to children! But if you see that your MIL is a possible danger to your child, don't allow her to be with that child unsupervised. This illness is not the fault of your MIL and I'm thrilled she has started medication. However, your first concern is the safety of your child.

Try to look into home help for your MIL. Schizophrenia can be a terribly difficult illness for both the sufferer and the family (especially during active phases) and cannot be taken lightly.

Do you have a support network for your MIL and her schizophrenia? I have linked the support networks area for you here, via schizophrenia.com - http://www.schizophrenia.com/coping.html

With this link, you can find a support network close to you and they can advise you on how to cope with the kind of schizophrenia your MIL has and how she - and your family - can live with it. They may also be able to advise you on the kind of home help that can really help your MIL.

And don't forget that you will also need support. If you find that your MIL is not as risk for hurting your child, you still need to bear in mind that not just anyone can help a person with schizophrenia - caregivers need training, education and support.

Please keep us posted about your situation and thank you for your concern and care of you MIL - she is lucky to have you!

My MIL has custudy of her nieces 4 yo daughter since she was born but know with the confirmation of her illness I don't feel she should have custudy anymore, but her daughter and doctors seem to thinks it's okay. I don't believe she will harm in anyway except mental by tell her the things she believes is happing to her. th elittle girl already does things like smell her food and says it taste like pioson. I'm sure this well affect her as she get older. All so since she does not want to be alone she makes her feel bad by telling her she will cry if she want to go with someone in the family for night. i know these thing are wrong but why won't the state step in in.

Thanks for updating us a little more on the background, Amberlee.

I agree that your MIL will very much affect her niece's mental and emotional heath by these actions (and by default, her physical health, especially if she avoids eating food because she fears poisoning).

Rather than contacting your MIL's healthcare professionals, you may want to contact this child's pediatrician. Her pediatrician will focus on the child, rather than your MIL's doctors who will naturally focus more on their patient.

I have a four year old daughter and I can guarantee you that these dangerous behaviors of food fears and guilt inducement may do a lot of harm to this child. Your MIL may not be doing this deliberately or with malice but the net result will be of great psychological damage to the child - especially if she is already exhibiting signs of confusion, guilt, sadness and fear. This is NOT healthy in a child.

Is there anyone who could possibly take over the care of this little girl? Are you in a position to contact this child's doctor? I always hesitate with social services due to the risks involved in foster care but is there someone in your family would could volunteer to take custody of this little girl? Where is the child's father?

I would love to take custody of her she is already like a daughter to me, but because it's not my mother I can't just say give her to me. Her daughter seems to think she is okay to take care of for now and I do put my two cent in all the time. The mother abandoned her at 2 months and father is in prison? We're not quiet sure. I just wish that the doctors were more concerned about the the fact she is taking care for a four year old and we are taking care of her it seems so odd. And when she is at my home she thinks that i'm the one piosoning her and she even through away the childs food one time. I could go on and on about the things her does and my reasons but iI'm jus t the DIL so my opions don't matter. Theat why I had to find a support group to make sure I'm not going crazy for feeling this way I reaaly appreciate you answering my concerns,THX.

Amberlee

You are not going crazy - quite the opposite. You are very caring and rational which is what this young girl needs.

I would contact this girl's pediatrician to start with and she/he can help you from there.

I am also going to link you here to the American Academy of Pediatrics where the Parenting Corner can give you tips on what you can do. http://www.aap.org/parents.html

I am sure this behavior of your mother-in-law is not deliberate - it is part of her illness. But the fact still remains that this little girl is in danger of a childhood filled with psychological trauma with possible physical outcomes also. Both she and your MIL need help but it is the little girl who may face the most danger, rather than the person with schizophrenia. Your MIL's doctors have no real idea of what is going on in that home - all they know is what their patient tells them.

Please step in and do the right thing. You have made a really good start but you may want to begin contacting this child's doctor and social services straight away. I'm not sure what state you are living in but contact Children's Services in your State and begin the process. If you;d like help in this area, let us know what State you live in. Make sure that they know you are willing to step in and take custody of this little girl. Have all your facts written down - report-style - and be as forthright and detailed as you can. And you will need your husband's unwavering support. No-one is out to get your MIL in trouble - she has an illness which, at this time, makes it unsafe for her to have custody of a child. If all works out and your MIL's behaviors can be controlled, there is always the chance that this child can return to her.

But right now, she is not safe in that home and needs an intervention. Too many people turn a blind eye to abuse - even if the abuse is not deliberate. I applaud you for stepping up and getting this little girl help; you ARE doing the right thing.

i will do that and i will repost with any update thanx again for listining you have made me feel so much better.

Amberlee, in reading your story my heart goes out to you. You're in a very difficult position and I sympathize.

I do have one question. In your original question you mentioned something about letting your mother-in-law stay with you? Has she asked to do this? And if she did move in with you, was she planning to bring the 4-year-old girl with her as well? Is this a temporary solution that might get the girl into a safer environment for the time being?

And may I ask what your husband's position is on all of this? You didn't mention whether he agrees that his mom is endangering the little girl, or whether he is wanting his mom to stay with you.

Does the little girl go to pre-kindergarten or preschool? If there is a school nurse at her school, that may be one area to begin, simply by letting the school nurse know that the little girl needs someone to keep an eye out for her. School teachers, nurses and administrators are trained to deal with difficult situations involving children and may be able to give you some quiet help.

I'm so glad this small girl has you in her life. You are looking out for her with love. You are being her advocate. Please know that your concerns are important and that if you feel the little girl is in an unsafe situation, you need to listen to your instincts. Take care and hang in there, and please come back and let us know how we can be of help.

My MIL has stay with us off and on and yes i do feel safer with her here but I'm busy baseball appt. thing like that and she does not like to leave the house. When she is here she still does the samething wondering the house checking locks windows waking me up to tell me someones down stairs, she even threw away the little girls food one time and just said she doesn't eat this at home, it was scambled eggs. When i start saying things to her like don'rt throw away her food, or if I say that i don't belive that peopple can control your thoughts she seem to get upset and want to leave. As for my husband this is hard for him I think he is still in denile. He does get upset when she throws my food out, but for some reason it is only me she says these things to about mind control. Before we got her help and she was staying with us she would spend hours in the bathroom yelling and fighting with no one, I mad emy husband listen to it on the phone so he would believe me. Little by little he is seeing it but not like i do I have spent alot of time with her because I am a SAHM and he works.

Hi Amberlee,

I just wanted to respond, and offer some more support for you. I am a SAHM also, and am wondering how old your kids are? Do you feel like they are being effected, in the same way as your MIL's 4 yo niece that she has custody of?

I agree with the other women who have posted and have given you great advice. Contact the girl's pediatrician and school, to let them know the situation. Susan's suggestion to write notes "report style" is so important...it takes out the emotion and provides dates, times and observable behaviors of your MIL...and is something that you can share with these professionals upon their request.

Seek out a support group to learn more about the disease will help you and your husband as well. It is understandable that he is in denial, but he can no longer afford to be. He needs to step-it-up and be "present" in all meaning of the word (mentally and physically) for his mom, for you, and for the rest of his family. This means not only understanding the basics of this mental illness, but also what his role is in helping and providing support.

This mental illness/disease can be scary, and your MIL is acting appropriately by definition of the disease. I hope with medication and other treatments that she will have less symptoms of this disease, but in the meantime, it sounds like your priority is exactly where it needs to be: finding an advocate and support for the little girl.

Please let us know how you are doing.

My kids are 11,9,6,&3. They are not affected because they are never left with her. They know shes sick. I am trying to find a good book or something about it and the best ways to recat to her when she says these thing or maybe comfort her. Thx for caring I do need any advice I can get