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Is it weird for my sister to meet up with my other sister's husband?

By Anonymous August 6, 2013 - 3:05pm
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My sister, T, is getting separated from her husband of about 18 years. They have two kids. Her husband, K has not done anything in particular but has overall not been very kind, supportive of her and has a bit of a nasty side; he has kicked our family dog, slapped his little kitten, put my sister down in front of the rest of the family. I never liked him. He has often made me feel bad too. My sister has thought long and hard about leaving him as she is so unhappy and has finally gone ahead. The kids know. They are 10 and an older teenager. Things are amicable enough though her husband is feeling very sad, living at his mother's place. He is quite down and drinking too much.

I feel that he has made his bed. I have no ill will towards him at all but don't feel the need to contact him.
Another of my sisters, B thinks it would be nice to ask him out for a drink and make sure he is ok. She is a good person but I feel this would be weird, inappropriate and not very cool as to me it almost feels like butting in and also he has been a little flirty with her in the past. I mentioned this to her and she accused me of simply not liking him because we had an argument a few years ago.
True, I don't like him but for the reasons I mentioned above.
She wants to make sure he is ok, not suicidal and to let him know that he will always be a part of the family to an extent. My sister , T says she doesn't mind; that this would be ok.
What do you think?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!


I'm a big (huge!) fan of people staying out of other people's personal business like marriage or children, whether it's family or friends. Even when it's close family, and there is no danger involved, we need to listen and not speak.

But if your divorcing sister is ok with the other sister checking up on her ex, then so be it. Stay out of it and don't get involved. It sounds like there are too many people involved already. Good luck to you all!




August 6, 2013 - 4:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks for you advice, Susan.
The sister who wants to meet up with the husband had already asked what I thought and I told her I thought it would be weird, uncomfortable and inappropriate, so too late on staying out of it. In the end I told her to contact him if it was ok with my divorcing sister.
I had already asked a third sister's opinion and she said that the helpful one should be allowed to do what she wants so we had a minor tiff over it :(
You are so right about staying out of it! Too late for this, but from now on, I shall keep my opinions to myself. The situation is complicated enough!
Thanks again for the help

August 6, 2013 - 4:51pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

How many sisters are in this plot?! 

All joking aside, it looks like there have been a few words said already between the sisters so further evidence that more involvement means more drama.I'm sure you all mean well but take it from someone who has been there; be a (relatively) silent and compassionate presence.

I hope the divorce is amiable at least and that things settle down.I'm sure they will.

Take care,


August 6, 2013 - 5:05pm
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