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I've been married for two years and I haven't had an orgasm, what can i do?

By Anonymous March 25, 2009 - 3:47pm
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I've been married for two years and I have never had an orgasm, I really don't have a sex drive either, what can my husband and I do? We hardly ever havs sex. We have a fantastic and healthy relationship but we do not have a healthy sexual relationship. I need help. we've tried different positions and and tasteful items but still nothing. What can we do?

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for your question and welcome to Empowher. Taking your time and trying many different things will help find your orgasm. Women and men are completely different when it comes to sexual orgasm and you may not be able to find the G-spot as this is not a common way for orgasm in women. It is much harder to find, rather manipulation of your clitoris is much easier. So try that and see if it helps and enjoy the time trying.

Good luck,

April 7, 2012 - 10:18am
EmpowHER Guest

ive been with my housband for twelve years i never had a orgasem i love hem there somthing wroung with me

April 7, 2012 - 5:04am
EmpowHER Guest

oh, forgot to mention: try getting some [adult] toys and adding it to your arsenal and let him use them on you or you use them in front of him. You need to be communicating with him to express what you like and when your close, or hell... find out yourself experimenting, then show him how to do it to you.

October 17, 2009 - 9:23pm
EmpowHER Guest

Have you tried anal sex? Maybe you should... I think you should read about it and try it at least once... Who knows, it might be the greatest thing you've ever tried sexually.

October 17, 2009 - 9:22pm
EmpowHER Guest

Ive been married for five years, and i have never had an orgasm with my husband, i have a very high sex drive, and if by myself at home i can have an orgasm in 5 minutes, yet with my husband i haven't been able to, what's worse is that i have been faking it for the entire past 5 years, not wanting to hurt his feelings, hoping that one day it will get better....the result is that it has put a strain on me emotionally, which is hurting the relationship itself.....help me, i'm afraid to talk about it with my husband now after 5 years, i feel it will shatter him that i've been faking throughout this reltionship....HELP!!!!!

August 25, 2009 - 12:16am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

First off - you need to TELL HIM. Honesty will clear up the air and your stress about this.
I can identify with you as I have never had an orgasm either. I have a high sex drive and want to have sex MORE than my husband a lot of times and yet sex disappoints me most times.... it is very hard because sex is more painful still...
so I understand.
But you must communicate with your husband about your problems. If you don't do it in this area - how is he suppose to know how to pleasure you?
When you come to him and he sees you're upset he will most likely feel sorry for you. Yes, he will be hurt, because in essence you were lying to him, but keeping it in for another 5 years will only make it harder.... start with that step and then consider going to a gyno. She should be able to give you some ideas of why you've been having problems orgasming ... in fact the biggest barrier may BE the faking ...

October 7, 2009 - 5:59am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi there, Im not sure if "hardly ever" can be so easily described. Its different for everyone. Some people dont have sex even that many times a week, some people do it only 2 times a week and some a month. I think you can figure it out by how many times you and your partner had sex before, for, for me it was 10 times a week and its now 2 times a week and I class that as "hardly ever" for my relationship. On another note you have never had an orgasm either, that will be contributing to the lack of sexual drive, if there's no pleasure what's it all for right,LOL. I know from personal experience. After having my children I slowly but surely lost my ability to have an orgasm all together and I lost my urge to have sex too. After 6 years now it has really strained my relationship with my husband, right down to the point that my very sexual husband doesn't want sex either. So I decided to do something about it. I got a blood test to check hormones and my testosterone was low but the side affects of a replacement was not something i wanted....so i mustered up enough courage to go down to the local adult store and i brought some female stimulation gel and a small power bullet (small stimulator vibrator) to use during sex with my husband. It works great, both of these things worked for me, after 6 years of not having an O, now i do. THANK THE LORD. Try something different because although sex is not every thing it is a very big part of a healthy relationship.

April 8, 2009 - 10:24pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm just wondering what "hardly ever have sex" means. I have the same problem. My husband and I have been married for nearly 3 years and I have never had an orgasm. I just had my blood drawn to have hormone levels checked in the last week and have no results back yet. I'm kind of hoping that's the reason, because otherwise I have no idea what to do next. We usually have sex 1-2 times a week, usually 1 and not 2, but sometimes 2. Just wondering what "hardly ever have sex" qualifies as. I think 1-2 times a week qualifies as hardly ever to my husband. I don't have much of a sex drive either. Sorry this doesn't help at all, just wondering.

March 28, 2009 - 11:02pm

Dear Anon, western societies are fixated with "orgasms" as a measure of success in a relationship. This obsession triggers stress hormones that backfire, resulting on a vicious cycle. It is my belief that western cultures (thanks to Hollywood and other media messages) have influenced our heads to the point that sexual performance is considered above INTIMACY, LOVING and NURTURING. Your case may be either linked to hormonal levels such as low testosterone or an emotional root cause, or it could be as simple as just self-impose expectations to perform a natural biological act.

Statistics show that you are among the majority of American couples who are experiencing the same. In other words, you are not a unique case. Our busy lives, work schedules, rush, rush, rush, are directly linked to absence of sex in the bedroom in most American homes. Is that bad? It is a matter of choice and perspective. Building intimacy is probably as important as having intercourse and experiencing "orgasms". A loving couple who is busy should make efforts to find the time to express the physiological expression of their love. But love between two people is more than an orgasm. Here is what I suggest:

1. Have your doctor test your testosterone levels
2. Talk to your hubby about your concerns
3. Consider foreplay not just on the day of but in preparation for the day as early as a week before.
4. Practice meditation and breathing exercises prior to the sex date, focus on your body and love yourself first.
5. DO NOT THINK! Let the shatter of your brain stop while you are playing and exploring each others' bodies. No judgment, just surrender.
6. Guide your hubby to your "G" spots gently, talk to him, coach him.

There is a great product that is known to naturally enhance sexual performance, it comes in different forms and it is sold at most healthfood stores. It is called MACA. I suggest you add this to your diet and your hubby's.

March 25, 2009 - 8:57pm
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