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loving a man with aspergers

By Anonymous February 21, 2015 - 9:38am
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I met a man over a year ago and I believe he has Asperger's. we spend a lot of time together usually talking about one of his interests that he is very passionate about. but its always at my job and have only gotten him to meet me out twice. I love every min of the time i spend with him and have told him how I feel which is that I love him and want to be with him in everyway. he usually responds with "just friends remember". he has gotten use to my hugs although from him they are usually side hugs. he will say I love you back and even texted me "i hope you know I care deeply about you'. we talk much deeper than just friends but when it gets intimate he'll make a odd joke or just change the subject. Ive asked him why cant we become a couple as he refers to a relationship. he ans is that he has been hurt before and would rather be alone. my question is is there a way I can get him to realize that I truly believe in him and who he is and that he can trust his heart with me. he has never talked about what I think he has and I have never brought it up. im not even sure he knows.. Ive told him I think about him almost all the time and I know he does the same by the things he will say . he has me totally heart and soul, I cherish him and his friendship but I would like it to go further, is this possible? and if not how do I keep him safe even for me because I never want to say or do anything to hurt, upset or lose him.

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I can see that your heart is sincere towards this man and I think he probably does care for you a lot, but in order to know if Asperger's is causing his behavior you will need to look for these behaviors listed below.

  • Problems with social skills
  • Eccentric or repetitive behaviors
  • Unusual preoccupations or rituals
  • Communication difficulties
  • Limited range of interests
  • Coordination problems
  • Very skilled or talented in one particular area


You can read more about the symptoms of Asperger's here:


The best thing to do is get a second opinion from someone else who knows him well.  See if other people in his life see the same Asperger-like symptoms as you do. 


February 21, 2015 - 9:26pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to fchacon)

Faith, only met one person from his past I said he was unique they said that was putting it very very nicely. my protective mode of him kicked in and I dropped the subject. obsession over his "projects", very high IQ, very talented in many things, often very repetitive, good days great eye contact ,some days very little, funny he'll go on one about a subject (usually the same few) and if I try to respond he once told me I tend to interrupt him. its the only way I can get a word in. I've read almost everything I can about aspergers and it seems to fit he has almost every sign. guess time will be my only ans. he knows how I feel and only he can bring it to the next level. but sometimes I feel he doesn't remember things talked about between us.

February 22, 2015 - 7:13am
(reply to Anonymous)

Please GOOGLE "Dude, I'm an Aspie" he will never change. Learn how to accept him the way he is or let him go. Sweetheart you must put you first.
From, Still Learning from Australia

May 26, 2015 - 3:18am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Still Learning)

everything ive read and watched dude im an aspie makes me believe he is an aspie. i asked him if anyone has ever told him this and he said no. but things has gotten really serious and im afraid for him. he got very worried about money and other problems in his life about a month ago to stopped being able to sleep and and convinced him self that his body was shutting dow and was just going to die. he paced the floors for days and obsessed over not eating yet still couldnt eat. his dad brought him to the hospital and ofcouse the transferred him to the phyic unit. he has been hospitizled before ten years ago for depression. i saw him yesterday and they have him pretty drugged up. everytime he is addmited hes at his worse and i truly believe no one has figured out what i believe to be true that hes an aspie. so no treats him correctly. they drug him and think hell be able to follow orders from them this only confuses him more. on his best days he show many signs of being an aspie on his worse days. yesterday broke my heart. they think hes being stuborn at group meeting but dont realize that he doesnt do well in groups. hes afraid they are going to commit him forever. and i am too. this is a man with a beautiful mind very high IQ and but with a condition no one has figured out. his room mate snores and to him the sound is so very loud and keeps him awake so still he has not gotten his much needed sleep. there ans the other night was to put him in the quiet padded room and he was so afraid that they would lock him in forever. My question is how can i help him

June 29, 2015 - 4:59am
Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Looks like you've done your research.  From the symptoms he may have Asperger's, however I am not able to give you a direct diagnosis.  I can only say that the signs point to it.


February 22, 2015 - 10:49am
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