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married for 3 yrs and scared of intercourse still

By June 19, 2011 - 2:20am
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hiee....i m married for three years but still i m scared of intercourse....i have tried inserting round shaped objects like objects coated wid rubber and round shaped objects same like shape of penis it went 3 inches inside vagina but when my hubby tries to enter me i tighten my legs and he is unable to enter me ....i m 21 yrs old now and tensed a lot ..pls suggest positions which will hurt less

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Hello ladies, I know this post is outdated but the situation Samantha describes happens often. I stumbled upon it as I am dealing with this issue with my wife. This process is rough on both partners. My wife is so tense. I am doing my best to understand and seek ways I can be better for the situation but its so hard. Thanks to all for their input I was informed. Its been almost a year since this article was posted, how helpful was their advise Samantha? Did you make progress? How was your husband through this process? What did he do to make you feel more comfortable and make you feel like your normal and nothing is wrong with you? and lastly, what did he do that discouraged you? I only ask because I need help with this thing too and there are not any websites where men are discussing this issue.

September 16, 2012 - 9:43pm

Hi samartha,
While I think lubrication and personal exploration is a great place to start physically, I'd agree with mena and say you might consider journaling your own thoughts about sex and what you're feeling when you have it (before, during, after) first. Remind yourself why you love your husband, what attracts you to him. Think about what arouses you, personally. Like someone above suggested, foreplay (and masturbation) can help your body relax and help you become more open to pleasure. After all, you deserve it!

At risk of sounding crude, open is the key word. If you are open to what you desire sexually, if you're open to learning how your body reacts to different images, sounds, smells, touches, positions, if you're open to communicating your needs to your husband and if you're open to getting help if/where/when you need it (physician, gynecologist, therapist, sexologist, communities like these, books), I expect you'll find success. Just have fun exploring and finding what feels best for you. I have to think your husband will be pleased when you're pleased. Best of luck in your journey together!

June 19, 2011 - 6:21pm

hey Sam,
the advices above can certainly help but if your panic is so bad have you ever thought of visiting a therapist? please don't take this as an offense, i don't mean to say you are crazy or something, i just think that talking to someone who can help you understand the origin of your panic might be of help - by understanding where it comes from you can start to rationalize it and eliminate it progressively, so eventually you won't need the lubes and objects to train yourself.
sometimes psyche is a bigger obstacle then the physical one.

good luck with everything,


June 19, 2011 - 3:01pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Samartha,
The above information is certainly helpful but in addition, try lubrication. This may be another reason why you are having pain and difficulties. It will take some time to get used to but trying is the fun part. Good luck.


June 19, 2011 - 9:05am
(reply to Anonymous)

thanks.....i wll surely try my best

June 19, 2011 - 9:27am

always though i was alone in this same problem you had but heres what helped me ...well best thing to do is start slow tell your partner it hurts you and to go slow commuication is always key too so he can work with you also try using fourplay sometimes it hurts cause vagina is not lubricated enough fourplay arousal you so natural lube or backward cowgirl or cowgirl (both positions give you better control over the penis than him)doggstyle(vagina from behind),oral first, me i use millennium brand pure silicone lube or together his & hers warming lube drop on penis drop on vagina astroglide natural lube is good to all lubes i suggested will stay around during sex and not dry up easy and make it better ky for me does very quickly or try a shower before sex or try having sex in shower (note but when you take shower don't dry off just get right into sex) sex toys that you have try peniation with out him or with him so vagina get use to peniation like every other day or so in that area i try using a sex toy that is size of my boyfriend's penis and moving it in inch by inch also try more natural sex toy that looks and feels just like penis helps to remember though more arouse you are less it hurts and course natural lube is always best more lubricated better GOOD LUCK HOPE IT HELPED

June 19, 2011 - 8:03am
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