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my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little under two years, when we first started going out, he was the sweetest thing, for the first 7 or 8 months everything was fine, we didnt fight, and we saw each other everyday, after the 8th month he went on a weekend away with his sister to another state, when he came back everything was different, he wanted more time with his mates, and less time with me, i didnt have a problem with that, until he started spending more time with them then with me, the most i spend time with him in a week is maybe 2 hours, i know i should be greatful for the time spent, but i cant help but think, why doesnt he want to see me more, especially when he has the time for it. After a while, he started hiding his phone from me, he is so protective over it, the problem is, that we share a phone plan, so he can check up on who ive been calling or texting, he accused me of cheating, just because i was texting them. so now he wants me to delete my facebook, change numbers, just so i wont have contact with my guy friends, i love my boyfriend, but sometimes it just gets to hard to deal with, i dont know what to do, i want to be with him, but i dont know, how to get through to him about his behaviour.
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Hi lostcause,
November 18, 2010 - 8:39amI'm sorry you're having to go through this. But the key things to remember here, is that 1) you are dating, you're not married, and 2) you have choices. I know you say you love him, but is his behavior loving you? It may be time to look into spending more time with your own mates, and getting your own phone plan. One of two things will happen, he will come back and start being the old loving boyfriend you fell in love with (beware falling back into the old tricks though), OR you will begin to move on, and in time it will become easier to live your own life and not be so dependent on what he's doing and how he's acting. You can advocate for yourself here, and should. Dating is all about finding someone who fits with you, not you trying to fit into their game plan. It should be easy, and when it's not, you can decide to move on and be alone (with your mates and any family you've got close, of course), until the next greatest thing comes along. I'm a huge believer in the idea that life is too short to be wasting time with the wrong guy. You've already been in this 2 years, watch out you don't blink and it's 5 years with the same control issues. We can't tell you what to do, we can only support and inspire you to advocate for yourself. I know it's never easy to do that, but you can.
There are articles about improving communication in your relationship, and other ideas that may help you to do that:
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Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
-Christine
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