Mr. Right or Mr. Right now?

By Anonymous June 3, 2011 - 8:18pm

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I am a twenty year old female, and my boyfriend is twenty five.
We have been together for just over a year now and I can't stop second guessing our relationship.
There hasn't ever been really intimate sex, and these days there hasn't been much sex at all... we have sex once every month or so. (Yet, we see each other at least once a week)
I consider myself attractive. I am 5'11" 120lbs, well toned and take pride in my appearance, but without being sexually wanted my self-esteem has lowered significantly (although I try to hide it)

My boyfriend and I have what I would consider thee perfect friendship. We have tons of fun together, we can talk to eachother about anything, we communicate well, and support eachother in any ways we can... Is this enough? When it comes to relationships does sex play a significant role in defining mr. right or mr. right now?
I've tried to mention the intimacy issue in different ways, but he's all talk and no walk with this one.
I am getting to the point where I think if he did try to have his way with me I would feel that he was only doing it because I wanted to, not because he wants to,
He reasons that he is self-conscious... however he has no problem with me pleasuring him orally etc. but has never orally pleasured me.... never mind having intercourse. I find it hard to believe he is self-conscious when it's my body he won't touch.
As someone who always over analyzes here are some reasons I put blame on for our lack of intimacy.
When we first met, I caught my boyfriend sending pictures of himself... down there... to other girls over the internet. Then six months down the road I caught him doing it again. Is this something that men do because of a lack of ego, I cannot wrap my mind around why men do this. Sometime I wonder if I should have ended things the first time I caught him. I seem to always be feeling unstable, constantly checking his email and blackberry (which he has given me permission to do).
Another reason I feel we may lack intimacy is because of how I look down there. My labia isn't that perfect and tiny, I know it's not abnormally large or anything yetI always feel I'm trying to compensate by keeping a pristine body elsewhere and ever since I was young I've wanted a reduction. Is this just a self esteem thing or are some men actually turned off by it?
Another self-esteem issue I have is that I get wet... really wet. Even if I'm just a little bit turned on. May this be a turn off?
Are maybe me and my boyfriend too comfortable with eachother? Should I be making more of an effort to keep my make-up and hair done rather than putting on my PJ's in the afternoon?
Lastly, I have been told by my doctor that his penis is actually too large for me and bangs and bruises my cervix so the once in a while we do have sex I am always in pain (although don't mention it often) but we have discussed this pain and it actually compromises our sex-life and what positions we are able to do etc.
When we do have sex, it always seems like a race to finish...

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Astridhaze

Wow. That's a lot to take in. It sounds like your relationship outside of actual intercourse has some problems. First of all, unless your doctor says there's something wrong with your labia, then you're just fine. Don't take too much of this on yourself as what "you" need to do. Improvement in a relationship happens when two people are willing to work on it.

What I hear is a whole lot of self-blame and guessing on your part. What is he doing to help the relationship? If you can't answer this and he gets defensive about what he can do to help the situation, I say you are too young to be worrying so much... and staying in an unhealthy relationship isn't good for you no matter your age.

June 4, 2011 - 11:33pm