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My 21 year old boyfriend isn't sexual driven

By Anonymous January 12, 2011 - 8:20pm
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I'm not exactly how long me and my boyfriend have been together. It kind of just happened over a period of knowing each other. I would say about half a year as an estimate. Well, he is amazing. Our personality clicks and both of our last serious relationships were about 3 years ago. We are both driven in our schooling and future goals. Therefore to me, I don't want sex to get in the way of me making the best life for me and my future family. I don't want to become pregnant. However for him, he has a hard time being aroused, and staying hard for a long period of time. He is lasting longer and when we've talked about these issues he has made sure he devotes a night in the bedroom to only me. Amazing! Amazing when this happens. It obviously makes me feel special and appreciated.

However, I don't ever want to get sexually frustrated or frustrated with him because he can't become hard all the time. I can't help my feelings. I want him so much. I suppose having sex has gotten in the way of who we are. I'm starting to get scared to touch him in certain ways because he may not get turned on and then he'll just get REALLY mad at himself, and I don't want to make him upset. This problem is making him unhappy, and sometimes making me feel incomplete with him. (unsatisfied) It used to be 4 seconds of sex! It started to go a little longer each time, but you really never know. He lasted maybe 10 minutes the last time we did- Not sure? But maybe the next time it will be 10 seconds. I hate that feeling. I've been in a long relationship before and had great sex. This boy is better, but I miss the sex. Oh my goodness, I feel horrible admitting to it!

Basically, I don't want to lose him because of this. I don't want to be selfish over this when he's amazing in all the other areas of who he is, but I... I don't know. I love being with him, but hate not being able to have him!

What can solve this problem? He doesn't have his own insurance yet so doesn't want to ask his parents to allow him to go to the doctor's and check it out? What should I do or what should/ can be done to fix this? I recommended the cock ring and he can't even wear condoms because it makes him become soft it hurts, he said the cock ring would kill him. (or maybe he's tried it before) He doesn't like taking medication! ... Someone said he may be low in testosterone, but he doesn't want to take that and get angry. He said he's going to try and not masturbate. After he said that the next time the sex was longer, however I couldn't turn him on the other night. He starts to think about it too; worried he won't be able to become hard.....

Help? ha

Add a Comment1 Comments

The most important thing, before trying to solve his problem, is to find the cause. A few questions for him:
- How long has he been experiencing loss of erection? (Is he actually losing his erection, or just ejaculating quickly during sex? That is called premature ejaculation)
- How long has he been experiencing inability to achieve erection?
- What are the triggers?
- Is he on any type of medication?
- Does he have excessive stress?
- Any other symptoms or medical conditions that have/have not been diagnosed?
- Has he had this in past relationships?
- Does he experience this while masturbating?

You can see that there are many different situations and causes, and it is important to know the exact triggers that may be leading to difficulties. He may not need medication or counseling, or he may need both. It really depends how he is feeling, if there are some other aspects of his life that need changing (less stress, less performance anxiety, more foreplay, etc).

January 13, 2011 - 10:08am
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