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my boyfriend (for 2 years) will not stop lying to me about pointless things. He knows how upset it makes me and he knows that i'm ready to leave him and he still won't stop! For example, he'll lie to me about what time he went to bed or what he watched !

By April 15, 2010 - 9:03pm
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He says he lies to avoid me getting mad at him. But the things he lies about wouldn't make me mad anyway! Also, when he lies and I find out we just get into a huge fight...and he gets mad at me for catching him in his lies! I really can't take it and don't know what to do. I don't know if he could change, its been going on for a while now. I'm also scared to think about the big stuff he may lie about down the road.please help. thank you!!

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HERWriter Guide

Hi given.to.fly

Thanks for your question and welcome!

It's interesting - people lie continually about the least important of things! Like, as you said, what time they went to bed at or what they ate for dinner.

Sometimes we never find out why they do what they do.

But here is one suggestion: sometimes it comes down to a lot of insecurity. People will say whatever they think the listener wants to hear, even if it's something benign like what they do in everyday life.

People do this is if they have come from a troubled childhood. They quickly learn as children to say anything they think the listener wants to hear in order to please and keep the peace. Do you know if he comes from a family like this? I know these simple things would not make YOU mad, but kids growing up in homes where they are harassed, beaten or punished for spilling a drip of water or for opening the fridge without permission find that as adults they fear upsetting anyone, for even the smallest of reasons. Check into his background and I think you'll find your answers there. Go easy on him for now - he sounds like a pretty decent guy who fears upsetting even his own shadow and this is a very hard way for him to live, as well as you.

Tell what you think!

April 17, 2010 - 6:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

I know this is an old post, but isn't repetitive lying unacceptable? Since when has it become acceptable? No one can force someone to lie or make someone lie, they choose to be deceptive on their own. Are you saying that the girl must go easy on her boyfriend because he "chooses" to lie? Regardless of the reason or fear behind it.

April 23, 2016 - 1:55pm
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