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My boyfriend of 5years, doens't have a sex drive.

By February 28, 2010 - 9:03pm
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I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, he just proposed in oct, we cuddle, kiss, have an amazing time together. We've lived together for the last year, our sex has progressively slowed down. I automatically assume he's cheating on me because he was always all about the sex and i find it hard to believe he just doesn't care for it anymore. I have asked him about it, and he says, its too much work, because after were done having sex he wants to go to sleep, and i dont get off from sex alone, he has to use foreplay after sex to get me off, so he says that he would rather just get off and go to sleep, and not have to worry about me enjoying it. This is affecting me dramatically, i was heavy when he met me and i am now about 60 pds heavier than when we first met, i feel disgusting and him not wanting ot have sex w. me makes me feel even worse. I dont want to hear that i should leave him, because obviously we are engaged to be married. Even when we talk about the wedding night, he'll say like oh were never gonna leave the room on the honeymoon, blah blah blah. So i mean i just don't get how a mans sex drive can go down so dramatically. i am lost and have no idea what else to do.

He used to be really fit also, he used to play basketball, workout, and all of that has also stopped. He has no motivation to do anything. I am worried about him. i think he has just completely gotten comfortable with this life of tv and video games and it's like i'm just fading into the background.

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Thanks for your question but I honestly think your fiance has already answered you-- it is too much work for him. He wants to get off but doesn't want to have to worry about pleasing you afterwards. As selfish as this may seem, most men are actually physically drained after "finishing" and it is actually understandable that he wouldn't want to have foreplay after. However, that's not to say you and him can't have foreplay before he ejaculates-- which is usually how it happens anyway. Why is he so concerned with pleasing you after him when it is a lot easier to get into the moment and please you before he is actually done? It seems to me that he just doesn't enjoy foreplay at all. If you are okay with this then let him know that it's fine-- there are always toys to help you finish but you'd still like to have sex with him. If you are NOT okay with him just being a straight to sex guy, then maybe you should reconsider what you are getting yourself into here. You are engaged to the man so this will be your sex life for the rest of your life and to be honest, it may get better during the honeymoon but the honeymoon doesn't last forever.

About your weight change-- I am sorry you are feeling insecure; I realize that his lack of interest doesn't help you feel any sexier but for some reason I believe the reasoning he gave you and that his lack of interest has nothing to do with your weight. He recently proposed to you, he loves you, and he genuinely seems to want to be with you no matter how many or few lbs you have gained. The question here is: do you love him to the point where you are willing to come to a compromise with him about sex? If the answer is yes-- then you two should be just fine.

March 2, 2010 - 7:00am
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