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My boyfriend always says he is tired or just ate and doesnt want to have sex at that moment and then says we will do it tomorrow, what does this mean?

By Anonymous January 2, 2012 - 8:15am
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we have been together for 2 years now, it has been wonderful. during our "honeymoon" period it was great, he was like the men in the movies, he would lay me down gently, kiss me head to toe, it was amazing. a few months into the relationship it all changed. he started saying he was tired, or that he just ate and hes full or some other silly excuse to get out of it. I just dont understand. I know he is not cheating, he is very loyal and faithful to me, i couldnt ask for more in that department. we usually have sex about 2 to 3 times a week now if that. But it seems like it is a chore for him or that he is doing it to keep me quiet. Is there something wrong with me? I feel unattractive and unwanted by this, whats going on? Its been a year and a half of this and I have talked to him about it and his response is that its not all about sex, or he will defend how much he works. I tell him i understand, and share that i have a very physically full time job as well but I am never to tired for him. I explain to him that the reason why i want him so much is not just for the pfysical feeling that it is more for the mental feeling. When he is in me and we are one I feel so safe, so loved, I feel complete. His rebuttal is that i watch to many love movies and if im not happy with him i should find someone that makes me happy.he truly does make me happy, this is the only thing that confuses me. please help!!

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I have a similar problem with my fiance. We have been together for 5 years and sex has always been great but ever since we had our son in september, he says hes too tired or he just doesnt feel like it, he blames the meds hes on but i dont believe that b/c he has been taking them for a year or more and he just start acting this way recently. Any advice anyone?

January 5, 2012 - 11:01pm
EmpowHER Guest

Agree with Rosa, sex may have become a chore or job... Fun, spontaneity, passion, even mystery can fade with the sexual act. Massage without expectations can do wonders, especially expectation that "he is inside you" all is well. It's not for him. Make an appointment for a conversation... Ask him would he be available in next 24 hrs to talk about having fun with each other, in & out of your 'sexual' relationship.
Have him pick time & place for this dialogue. Make some rules, no interupting, making or just as importantly no responding to facial expressions.
Ask him to go first, brainstorming... you write down his response. What are 5-10 things he "guesses" or "imagines" you love to do to have fun. Change roles.
Then the sex or R to X-rated list... Same question, but with a 'playful' challenge: "I bet _____ you can't name 5 things I like/love to do sexually!" You go first guessing what he dies for ... He writes down your guesses. Reverse roles. Now each take your own list and put a check mark by these 'correct' guesses.
Now you each have two checked lists. In next 5 days each has to pick one checked item on 'the others' list and do it! Of course ask them... Or just surprise them!
Idea is to bring fun and spontaneity back into your relationship ;)

And, yes I do do this for a living ;) I also walk to talk... I do this in my relationship. And guess what? It works... everytime either of us 'remembers' to "pick-a-list"! That's what we've name our 'love-game', and we've made others... some very X-rated! ;) (How about name 3 fantasies you've never told another person?)

Rembering that the biggest sex organ we humans have is in our head and helps a lot in plotting and planning for sexual compatibility, fun, passion, and eroticism.

Come back here and tell us what worked ;)))

January 5, 2012 - 3:53pm

Hi Anon,

Sex 2-3 times per week is actually not that uncommon. Most people that work full time jobs don't have sex daily-- work can really wear us out sometimes--not everyone can or will make the energy to have sex with their partner when they've worked a full day. Try backing off him for a while, give him the time to relax and not have to worry about having to have sex with you because you want it on a nearly daily basis. If he loves you and really wants to be with you he will eventually come around and be the one to initiate sex but don't just lay down next to him and expect him to want sex. Be patient with him, dress sexier, wear a dash of that perfume he loves on you, indulge him in a little foot rub after a long day of work and then say good night. Little things like this may work better than continually asking him "why don't you want to have sex with me?"

Best of luck,


January 2, 2012 - 8:29am
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