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my boyfriend and me dont have sex is it me?

By February 2, 2010 - 3:04am
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we have been together for allmost a year, we have sex four times a day... and evey where... all of a sudden we havent for months... i feel like, it is me... it makes me depressed and make me feel like crap, i feel like he doesnt want me or he might be cheating... he says he doesnt take care of him self... i dont believe him.. im 27 and he is 35... he should be in his prime.. w.t.f... please help me... im going crazy! im even thinking im a addict.. yes to me sex is need in life.. and most def. in a relationship too..... again help me...

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girl...tlk to him ive had a guy do that to me well actually my ex we dated for 3yrs and the last 2 we never had sex maybe once every 2mnths and finally i asked him one day. I said what is wrong with u, ur 23 and ur nt having sex with me? is it me? and finally he tld me he was cheating on me! Im nt saying ur bf is cheating on u, but i would deff ask him about that...Then if he brings up the whole u dnt trust me BS then u kno something is up!!!

February 2, 2010 - 8:11pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to starr90)

I finally got some!... He came out the shower, and picked me up and threw me on my bed... THANK GOD!.... Do uthink it was to shut me up? or is his two brains else where?

February 2, 2010 - 11:15pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)


We cannot answer these questions for you - only your boyfriend.

Just remember the advice given and continue with open, honest and respectful communication with your partner.

We wish you the best!

February 3, 2010 - 12:33pm


Help me understand a little bit better...you went from having sex four times a day to none at all? Four times in a day is not only a lot of pressure to perform on a 35 year old man, but I can see how it could get "old" after a year. I know you think that a 35 year old man should be at his prime but actually, many would argue that a man's prime occurs in their early twenty's.

I agree with you about sex being important in a relationship-- but you shouldn't let this be ALL your relationship is about. A 35 year old man requires stimulation mentally as well as physically. You were definitely providing physical stimulation but I wonder if mentally he and you were being fulfilled? Now that you are not having sex, has he been avoiding you completely? Has he seemed distant? or is he trying to connect with you in other ways other than sex?

I'm not disregarding the possibility of there being someone else in his life but I do think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and try talking about it like two adults-- not as though you're whining about not having sex. You will probably get more out of him that way than you have up 'til this point. Good Luck, please keep us posted.

February 2, 2010 - 8:20am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Rosa Cabrera RN)

well we have been distant... we sit far from eachother on couch to watch tv... i have even been sleeping on my couch... we dont hold hands or even french kiss any more... we really dont talk either... i try and it never works... he doesnt bring up past or anything, i try to find out about him by asking questions... just to chat and he says he doesnt wanna talk about it... i think we r at our ends... what do u think?

February 2, 2010 - 11:28am
(reply to Anonymous)

These are more definitetly more significant than not having sex, and worthy of being discussed with your boyfriend.

Rosa asked you a question, that I am wondering the answer to as well: did you say you were having sex 4 times a day, or did you mean 4 times a week?

Red flags in a relationship are not really about frequency of sex, but rather if one person has a concern, and the other person blows them off and refused to talk. It is irrelevant if he "doesn't wanna talk about it", as it is a concern you have, and needs to be addressed. If timing is bad for him at the moment, I would suggest telling him that you have some concerns that you need to talk with him about, and when is a good time for him to talk about them with you. If he still says he "doesn't want to talk", then you have your answer, and it is up to you if you want to remain in a relationship with someone who disregards your feelings of concern.

If he does agree to talk, I would take the approach of primarily asking questions and listening to the answers. Having sex 4 times a day is not something that can be maintained for a long period of time, but since this has changed, you can simply point out the change in frequency. Ask him what his ideal relationship is, including physical intimacy. Ask him in a way that you really want to get to know him and what his long-term preferences are. If you and he are not at this ideal, why not? What is holding both of you back from this? Stress? Work? Family obligations? Talk with him about your concerns, that you enjoy being physically intimate with him, and what does he need from you, in order for this to occur on a more regular basis? You can mention the drastic change from 4x/week, and let him know you would still like to be physically intimate in other ways (besides sex) on a daily basis.

Let us know what happens from your discussion, and please make sure timing is good, you begin the conversation with an attitude of wanting to learn more about him (instead of blaming him), and as non-emotional as possible...just that this is something important to you.

February 2, 2010 - 2:27pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Alison Beaver)

four times a day..............

February 2, 2010 - 5:41pm
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