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ask: My boyfriend continues to save pictures of naked women on his computer after I've asked him to stop! Then masturbates while I am sleeping in the same room!

By Karma
 
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Hey guys. I have been holding this story in for so long that I had to get it out to someone, as I have been too embarrassed to ask friends. I have many questions, and was excited to see there was a site that I could vent to. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and have had plenty of ups and downs, but the biggest fight that ever comes between us is his appearing to be addicted to looking at women on the internet. We have lived together most of the time that we have been seeing each other, which has been difficult for us, as we rushed into it way too soon, but because of this, I know many things I wish I didn't. First problem we had was he had hundreds of pictures of naked women saved on his computer, which personally I found disgusting, and hurtful!! The numbers continued to grow, even after I told him that I understood if he needed to look at them online to "get off" but I strongly insisted that I was not okay with him saving the pictures. After refusing to do it, I finally had a massive break-down about it, and his response was that he was so sorry and then the next day he showed me that his pictures file was empty, and that he did it because he loves me so much and knew how much it meant to me. Of course I was ecstatic, only to find out that a week or so later, he had just moved them into a folder of a folder of a folder so that I would never find them again! He flat out lied to my face! I felt cheated, disgraced, mortified, and betrayed, it was horrible! Since then there have been many discussions about how I am not comfortable with him saving the pictures, and have asked a million times for him to stop, in which he gets extremely angry with me, and says I can't tell him what to do, or he will agree to stop...but continues! I can't control my anger about it sometimes, and end up going in and deleting all of them out of rage, yet he just continues to save them! And to top all of that off, he will look at them, as well as a million other sites and masturbate while I am sleeping in bed beside him! Waking up to this, I have told him so many times how disgusting and disrespectful I think it is, but I cannot get him to stop! It feels like every morning I wake up to see there is a towel beside his computer to clean up his "mess" and it is actually starting to make me completely not attracted to him, because I am just so grossed out by it! Why can't he just go to another room? Or do it when I am not around? In-turn I feel like it is extremely affecting our sex life, because he just doesn't seem to ever want it enough, especially for a 21 year old! Please help...I don't know what to do anymore about either situation! He refuses to respect my wishes or even appear to care about my feelings. Am I being unfair and overreacting about this?

Add a Comment69 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

this forum is sad... seems like a place girls that held an unrealistic view of men go to comfert and bash men... this is a plague of society...

November 25, 2014 - 7:25pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been going through the same for over 5 years. Men have the ability to be faithful physically but not mentally ( or as we see it - emotionally). Mine claims he loves me but will not stop trying to chat to meet up for encounters with low self esteemed tramps. Every time he gets caught he denies until the end of the world until evidence in his face then he breaks down talking about all of his past & present problems & states he needs me.

I tried many different ways to address it... Confronting, threatening to leave, showing him what it does to my self esteem, even tried acting like a tramp - he liked it but it didn't stop him from looking &. Chatting more. So I stopped since he didn't appreciate the nothingness this has made me become.

Since we have a child together I feel I can't do anything to stop it & can't leave... I've given up. He thinks everything is ok but I know about everything he is still doing I just expect it now k don't care to bring it up. It may not b the best thing for me but it works for everyone else in my life & that's what matters.

My views on love have changed forever, love is mere fairy tale idea. There is always going to be another woman with better assets than you & he will notice & fantasize & wish.

Just decide for yourself if you accept this to be with him. If yes, decision is made, if no you'll have to go find some other guy that will do the same or hide it very well.

To be a fool with eyes closed, that is the question. Fidelity doesn't exist.

November 25, 2014 - 1:17pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Obviously you may need to move on from your relationship but love isn't lost - that's doing our men and our sons a great disservice if we think this way. This relationship didn't work out of you but you will probably find love again! 

Susan

November 25, 2014 - 4:23pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

No honey your not over-reacting. I am having the same problem with my fiance...it hurts. It makes one feel as though they somehow arent good enough. My guy just got a new phone and his pics are not of our daughter or jobsites... its women in "comprimising" positions...disgusting. i feel urpain sister.

November 22, 2014 - 2:46pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have the same issue with my boyfriend. I used to never care about this sort of thing because I understand that it is normal to need to get off, but lately its been disappointing. It started with him liking and following porn stars on social media. That was just not okay with me for the sole reason that all of our friends can see what he likes. He respected my wishes of unfollowing and posting about hot porn stars/models. Then I found thousands of saved naked photos of random chicks on the computer and saved on his phone. I don't know how to make myself feel better about this. I know it's probably a confidence issue and he will never change...just makes me feel like shit.

November 15, 2014 - 11:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

If our men didnt give us reason to have confidence issues...

November 22, 2014 - 2:49pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi,
I am in the same situation, but mine has gone further where I have been told I am pilling on the weight, so a huge life adjustment, to loose weight, which I have done, but it hasnt changed a thing.

November 7, 2014 - 4:26am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Nothing you do will ever be enough. You could be a rocket scientist with supermodel looks and a jerk like this will always find something wrong. It has nothing to do with your weight - it has to do with your partner playing mind games. Get out of this relationship now and don't allow anyone to treat you badly. 

Best,

Susan

November 7, 2014 - 4:53am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

hi
so what if your boy freind has nude women photos and jerks off
to them while u sleep in the same room? why dont u get naked with
him and jerk off together?!! he`s your boyfreind turn him on. arrage a threesome . be creative!! don`t be shy explor your inhbitions enjoy each others company, get to know your mans sexual needs and yours, stop being uptight relax and enjoy .he is just your boyfeind!!!!!!!!!!!!

September 7, 2014 - 7:38pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Yeah he's just your bf?? That doesn't make sense. So u think bringing other ppl in the mix will save things? Only low self esteemed tramps would say that..it's not being shy it's having respect for yourself & not acting like a drive by lunch stop for everyone... Did u know that u can catch diseases that way? I would get myself checked if I was you.. Porn sites are that way hunny u have no place on this website...LOL

November 25, 2014 - 1:26pm
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