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my boyfriend doesn't want to have sex anymore

By August 4, 2009 - 9:20pm
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years. We started having sex after the first eight months. It was like he could never get enough. Then about a year later that slowed down. Within the next year it dropped down to once every two-five weeks!! We hardly ever kiss (except a quick kiss when leaving). We now live together and are planning to get married after college. I'm 19, and he is 21. We still hold hands and talk and joke and stuff, but sometimes I feel more like a friend. I have asked him about why he doesn't ever want to have sex and he swears it is not me. He says he is stressed sometimes or tired, but mostly he says its him and he doesn't know why or what's wrong. I really need an answer, but he just doesn't ever seem to be in the mood to have sex or to talk about it. And of course the more I bring it up the less he wants to talk. some things i have read say he's gay, but i even asked about that too. He isn't gay; we're in love, but I feel so unwanted. I know he loves me, but he said he doesn't want to talk to a counselor or anything. PLEASE HELP!! We're too young to be having these kinds of problems.

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HERWriter Guide

Dear Melbeth89

Thanks for your question and welcome!

You are right, you are too young to have this problem, but it can be said for anyone of any age. Nobody should feel unwanted!

Your questions is (unfortunately) very common here on Empowher. We have many threads with women in the same situation, asking the same questions and getting some really great advice. I'm going to link you to one of our busiest dicussion threads and please let us know if it helps. I think it will :


August 7, 2009 - 1:33pm
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