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My boyfriend doesnt want to have sex with me anymore

By August 20, 2010 - 1:15am
 
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Hello everyone i have been with my boyfriend for 1,5 years hes 23 and im 19 he lives in Denmark and i lived in Belgium but i moved here 3 weeks ago.. we used to have sex 3 times a day but after a few months it went down to every 2 days and now its only 1 or 2 times during the weekends if i take the innitiative.. when i try to turn him on during weekdays he just pushes my hand away or says he has work tomorrow (even if its 2pm during that time) yesterday i was sitting next to him while he was looking at stuff on the computer and he quickly closed the images folder so i know this was wrong but i got curious and looked at what is in there and discovered a girls picture of her back naked with a gstring on that has been there since 2007.. i think its his ex because he had a girlfriend then but she cheated on him so he broke up with her and thats why i know he isnt cheating on me because he hate ppl that cheat on him and it really hurt him... he says he loves me and he asked me to move in with him and says im the one for him and hes finally found someone to settle down with etc but when i ask him about why he doesnt want sex with me he says its cause hes tired or hes not used to doing it alot after being single for a year but we have been together for 1,5 year now so shouldnt he be used to it again by now? i have also discovered some porn movies on his computer.. i think he watched those when i was still lviing in Belgium.. i dont know what to do it makes me feel very unattractive hes also this macho type of guy that doesnt show his feelings alot so its hard for me to talk about it with him because im not sure if he would even care i also feel like i dont know wether he would care if we ever broke up or not we still cuddle and kiss and stuff like that but about the picture on the computer i dont get it.. does he miss his ex? and its not like i can confront him with it he would get mad for me looking through his files.. if it even is his ex

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i asked him yesterday about the picture and said it was not his ex but a friend send him it and he never cleans up his computer.. i dont think he would take therapy he hates that sort of stuff alot of stuff happened to him in the past he changed his last name twice even got a scar on his stomach from being stabbed with a knife but he never tells me why..

August 21, 2010 - 4:13am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Ashuray)

Hi again and thanks for the update!

Regardless of porn or this picture of a woman (I don't believe it's there because 'he never cleans up his computer' as I have no doubt he's cleaning up all the porn he's watching, especially since he minimizes the screen when you're around) . I'm not sure this relationship is the best for you. He has a secret past, is a victim of stabbing and has changed his name twice already (by the age of 23!) and will not discuss any of it with you. Personally, this would not appeal to me but I can honestly see a younger woman finding it "intriguing" as if he's a spy or something!

I'd tell him that he needs to come clean so that YOU can make the decision whether to work on this relationship or not. If he continues to be secretive and non-communicative with you (verbally/emotionally/sexually) then you have to make the decision whether to stay or go. Just because we "love" someone or "they are nice to us in other ways" does not mean a relationship is good or meant to be.

What do you think, Ashuray?
~Susan

August 21, 2010 - 6:24am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Ashuray

Thanks for your question and for finding EmpowHer. I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this situation, it must be very upsetting for you.

Your situation involves a multitude of issues, from porn, to an ex-girlfriend to a lack of sex in your relationship.

Also you are both just 19 and 23. The fact that he says "hes finally found someone to settle down with" at the age of 23 is a bit intense. 23 is very young to feel this way!

It sounds like he is very conflicted about relationships in general. Old (ex) relationships, online relationships and a real life one. Until he is comfortable in his own skin about these things, he won't be much good to you as a boyfriend.

Do you think he would consider therapy?

~Susan

August 20, 2010 - 11:52am
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