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My boyfriend doesn't want as much sex as I do..

By August 24, 2009 - 3:21pm
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Hello, I am 19 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years.
We only have sex when he wants, this is usually about 5 times a month.
I make it clear to him that I want to have sex, so its not like he doesn't know.
He has once told me that it is a turn off to him when I want sex..
I don't think its fair that we only have sex when he wants... but if I cut him off for a while then I would be getting less sex than I was in the beginning.

What should I do..?


Hey Ladies! Thanks for your advice : ) Im really glad I can come here with my embarrassing questions! Hah.
I will for sure talk to him about how I feel, and I hope we understand each other.
To answer a few of your questions, yes I do try to turn him on. I don't just ask every time, but that most times still doesn't work. Also I feel that I may be to blame for the reason he is "turned off" when I want to have sex.
In the bedroom I am very submissive, and I like it when he takes control. He like to be in control, so it works out perfectly.. but that may be the reason why when I want to have sex he doesn't.. he may feel hes not in control.

Add a Comment4 Comments

I seriously understand where your coming from. My boyfriend is exactly the same. In our relationship he is pretty much the one that says when we have sex. And i can't stand that. I've also tried to tell him when i want to or try to start something sometimes but it gets me no where. I know how you feel, but yesterday we actually had a really good conversation and i got to understand why he is sometimes like that. I did tell him i understood, but this is a two person relationship and he needs to understand where i'm coming from. I really think you need to talk to you boyfriend and he needs to understand that its not fair, and if he really loves you things will change.

August 26, 2009 - 8:06pm

I am having a similar problem. When you ask for sex have you tried not just saying "I want to have sex"? But more.. implying it? Dressing sexy, complimenting him, anything that turns him on. Maybe he won't notice that you are the one who wanted to have sex first, not him. Of course I also agree with everyone else that you should talk to him about.. but until a good time comes to chat you could try that.
Good Luck! I hope we both get our needs fulfilled asap!

August 26, 2009 - 10:55am

many times boys are more moody than girls. i understand where you're coming from because i feel the same way with my boyfriend sometimes. i feel like we are only having sex only when he wants to have it, but when i want it, he's like not interested. when your boyfriend wants to have sex w/ you, are you always willing? i know i get in moods where i don't want to do it when he does. But women usually yield to this easier than boys because we don't have to worry about "getting it up." i don't suggest you cut him off because when you purposely decline something it becomes mind games, and that just becomes unhealthy and you get frustrated and angry when the results don't come out as you expect. maybe you can try being a little more aggressive or do things that turn him on? i'm not sure, but if you're not getting what you need, there's definitely other fish in the sea.

August 25, 2009 - 10:58pm


The best advice I can give you is to approach your boyfriend at a time when neither of you is thinking about sex and have a serious chat with him. Boys will be boys and yes he may be turned off when you are the one making the moves but who's to say you don't get turned off by his behavior about sex being only when he wants it?

Is there maybe an underlying reason to why he is "turned off" when you want it? Perhaps the solution lies within getting help in understanding that wanting sex is not only a man's need but women want it too. It seems as though he may have a misconception about women and sex. Sex= 2 people not just one.

It's important to understand and respect each other's feelings especially when it is something such as sex. Retaliating by not having sex with him when he wants it will only dampen your relationship further than it already is. Talk with him, see if he is willing to understand your perspective or get a professional to help.

Good Luck!

August 25, 2009 - 6:21pm
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