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Cary Cook BSN RN

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ask: My boyfriend gave me a rabbit vibrator as a birthday present.

By Anonymous
 
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As a birthday present I received an expensive rabbit vibrator from my boyfriend. I am not sure what to do about it. Usually I am comfortable with this sort of thing, but for some reason I am really angry about receiving this as a gift. Maybe because it isn't the sort of gift you usually get on your birthday, or it wasn't romantic. Also when I first got it I thought to myself that it had to be a gag gift. For some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable, like he is too lazy to have sex with me and he is gave me a replacement. To me this gift doesn't really say I love you. It also seems a strange choice of gift as we have been having some problems in the bedroom, like being out of sync or stressed out due to our jobs. I also wished he would have asked me about it before hand. It seems like an impulsive purchase and that he didn't give it any thought. The vibrator is also much bigger in size than I would have picked for myself. Is it bratty of me to also be angry because when he asked me what I wanted I told him, jewelry or flowers?

I also feel like my fault because about a week before my birthday I went out with a friend and had a couple drinks. She wanted to stop by the sex shop so I went with her. We ended up talking to the owner about the rabbits and he pulled them out o the case for us to look at. I later came home telling my boyfriend all about these expensive vibrators that spun, twisted and lit up saying OMG we have to get one. However I wasn't entirely serious about it. My friend and I we were just being giggly girls and I think the fact that I thought they were so out there and the alcohol is why I told him about them. We are now stuck with it because sex toys can't be returned. The first time I tried to talk to him he got defensive.

I am not sure how to deal with it or tell him that this is not what I wanted.

Add a Comment14 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Did you ever tell him you didn’t want something like that? If you told him before hand that you didn’t want that sort of thing thing you would have every right under the sun to be pissed off and offended about it.

My husband wants to buy me a vibrator and I find the idea completely repulsive on many levels. I’ve told my husband that probably about a 1000 times and he STILL didn’t get it.

He actually went as far as going behind my back to order one to “surprise” me with. When I found out I made him cancel the order. Even then I had to threaten him to make him cancel the order. I told him that if he didn’t cancel the order then I would take the “toy” I actually wanted and I ordered last month and use it on him.

The “toy” I ordered last month was a 15,000,000 volt taser. Trust me if you ever wanna end an argument real quickly that is the way to do it. Frankly, all I had to do was threaten to use it and I got my way about him not ordering that damn thing.

Its not that I am being a “prude” about this. I just literally find the entire concept completely repulsive. I don’t want anything inside me or even near that area that isn’t supposed to be there especially if it is electronic.

My sister has allowed her husband (now soon to be ex husband) to put all sorts of crap inside her during their sexual experimentation. Just hearing about it made me uncomfortable. You know how when a guy sees another guy get hit in the balls and has that autonomic sympathetic reaction as though it had happened to him? That is the kind of uncomfortable I feel hearing her describe it.

I’m not saying you or anyone else is wrong for doing it but personally I would much rather keep that crap far away from me.

November 4, 2014 - 8:42pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I hope you write again very soon!

July 1, 2014 - 12:48am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

stupid woman

May 31, 2014 - 10:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Man, Girls just donnt understand. Your man friend bought you that toy because he thought it would make you happy. He wasn't thiking "Gee wilikers, now we don't have to have sex! You know What we are biologicaly engineered to do. The one thing that is Constantly on my mind. The thing I crave at every point in my day." He wants you to feel good. He thought maybe when he is not around you could still have a little fun.
(This isn't my thought but)Maybe he just thought it would lessen the chances of you cheating on him. He thought you would enjoy it. Or maybe he could enjoy it with you. If he knew he was in the wrong he would not have bought an expencive gift for you. He still bought it with HIS Money that he worked for. No matter what it is, A Vibrtor, a Diamond, or just a Rock. He got it for you and its the thought that counts.

December 11, 2012 - 3:32pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I would agree to a point. If she had ever told him specifically that she wasn't interested in those things then he crossed a line. If she didn't then it was innocent and naive of him to buy it.

My husband wants to buy me a vibrator and I find the idea completely repulsive on many levels. He knows how I feel about it because I have told him more than 1000 times about it He actually went as far as going behind my back to order one to “surprise” me with. When I found out I made him cancel the order.

That is crossing a line right there.

November 4, 2014 - 8:47pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

This happened to me but on valentines day. He bought me some expensive vibrator thing and I burst into tears because I was so offended. It's over a month later and I'm still not really over it. Just tell him how it made you feel and explain that it's ok to get those types of presents just not on holidays/birthdays that you give thoughtful gifts because it's just offensive and not any fun. That's what I did and everything is ok now except I get grossed out when I look at it (I really don't mind getting those types of things it was just the WRONG day for it).

March 30, 2011 - 7:19am
Rosa Cabrera RN

I like a great sex toy as much as the next woman but not something about receiving it as a birthday gift would rub me the wrong way--no pun intended.

Don't return it. Give it a go, you may change your mind about what kind of gift it was. BUT I can see how this would upset you seeing as I wouldn't know what to tell my mother when she asked what my husband got me for my birthday-- thinking about it actually makes me cringe and laugh at the same time.

In your boyfriends' defense-- men have a strange way of thinking. You mentioning the rabbit a few days before your birthday translated as "I saw the greatest thing ever and I want it!" Don't hold it against him. If you really don't want this to happen again let him know how you appreciate that he was listening but a rabbit was not really what you were expecting for your birthday.

Selfishly, I enjoy gifts on special occasions that only I can use-- meaning nobody else will enjoy it, not even my husband. A sex toy does not fall under that category so would I be disappointed? A little. Would I enjoy it anyway? Heck yeah.

November 23, 2009 - 4:55am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I totally agree with Alison- I think a sex toy is a great gift! Moreover, I received one also from my partner and was so excited to try it with him. Our sex life is even better now and we enjoy it really! Toys are acclaimed by sex experts for being efficient and make great presents, so stop being suspicious, RELAX and give it a try with your boyfriend.

November 22, 2009 - 8:33pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

To the original Anon

I know it wasn't your ideal gift but do try to see some humor in it! I mean, you came home a little tipsy and giggly, telling him all about the vibrators you checked out in a shop (with the owner as your tour guide, no less!) and then the chap goes and buys you one for your birthday! Look at it from his point of view. Imagine he came home a bit drunk and waxed wishful about a state -of- the- art golf club and you get him one for his birthday. Wouldn't you be a bit surprised if he said it didn't really say "I love you?" It's the act of giving that says I love you, not the gift itself. If his intention was good - and I think it was - then that all that matters. You said "OMG we have to get one!" And presto....!

So say thank you and let it go :)

Use it if you wish, or not. That part is up to you. But don't be upset that your boyfriend got you something that I think he genuinely thought you wanted.

And I think you'll be able to laugh about it, I think the whole story is rather cute and funny :)

November 14, 2009 - 5:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I think he was being genuine with the gift and thought you'd love it because of your drunken talk.
Because you have not had a good time in the bedroom reciently and you saying this probably made him think about sex and using it with you as i'm sure he wants things to be great in bed like you do.

Why not try it with your boyfriend? Buy some sexy underwear, light some candles, open a bottle of wine and when your boyfriend gets in from work or whatever surprise him...

November 14, 2009 - 4:51pm
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