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ask: My boyfriend gave me a rabbit vibrator as a birthday present.

By Anonymous
 
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As a birthday present I received an expensive rabbit vibrator from my boyfriend. I am not sure what to do about it. Usually I am comfortable with this sort of thing, but for some reason I am really angry about receiving this as a gift. Maybe because it isn't the sort of gift you usually get on your birthday, or it wasn't romantic. Also when I first got it I thought to myself that it had to be a gag gift. For some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable, like he is too lazy to have sex with me and he is gave me a replacement. To me this gift doesn't really say I love you. It also seems a strange choice of gift as we have been having some problems in the bedroom, like being out of sync or stressed out due to our jobs. I also wished he would have asked me about it before hand. It seems like an impulsive purchase and that he didn't give it any thought. The vibrator is also much bigger in size than I would have picked for myself. Is it bratty of me to also be angry because when he asked me what I wanted I told him, jewelry or flowers?

I also feel like my fault because about a week before my birthday I went out with a friend and had a couple drinks. She wanted to stop by the sex shop so I went with her. We ended up talking to the owner about the rabbits and he pulled them out o the case for us to look at. I later came home telling my boyfriend all about these expensive vibrators that spun, twisted and lit up saying OMG we have to get one. However I wasn't entirely serious about it. My friend and I we were just being giggly girls and I think the fact that I thought they were so out there and the alcohol is why I told him about them. We are now stuck with it because sex toys can't be returned. The first time I tried to talk to him he got defensive.

I am not sure how to deal with it or tell him that this is not what I wanted.

Add a Comment12 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I hope you write again very soon!

July 1, 2014 - 12:48am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

stupid woman

May 31, 2014 - 10:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Man, Girls just donnt understand. Your man friend bought you that toy because he thought it would make you happy. He wasn't thiking "Gee wilikers, now we don't have to have sex! You know What we are biologicaly engineered to do. The one thing that is Constantly on my mind. The thing I crave at every point in my day." He wants you to feel good. He thought maybe when he is not around you could still have a little fun.
(This isn't my thought but)Maybe he just thought it would lessen the chances of you cheating on him. He thought you would enjoy it. Or maybe he could enjoy it with you. If he knew he was in the wrong he would not have bought an expencive gift for you. He still bought it with HIS Money that he worked for. No matter what it is, A Vibrtor, a Diamond, or just a Rock. He got it for you and its the thought that counts.

December 11, 2012 - 3:32pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

This happened to me but on valentines day. He bought me some expensive vibrator thing and I burst into tears because I was so offended. It's over a month later and I'm still not really over it. Just tell him how it made you feel and explain that it's ok to get those types of presents just not on holidays/birthdays that you give thoughtful gifts because it's just offensive and not any fun. That's what I did and everything is ok now except I get grossed out when I look at it (I really don't mind getting those types of things it was just the WRONG day for it).

March 30, 2011 - 7:19am
Rosa Cabrera RN

I like a great sex toy as much as the next woman but not something about receiving it as a birthday gift would rub me the wrong way--no pun intended.

Don't return it. Give it a go, you may change your mind about what kind of gift it was. BUT I can see how this would upset you seeing as I wouldn't know what to tell my mother when she asked what my husband got me for my birthday-- thinking about it actually makes me cringe and laugh at the same time.

In your boyfriends' defense-- men have a strange way of thinking. You mentioning the rabbit a few days before your birthday translated as "I saw the greatest thing ever and I want it!" Don't hold it against him. If you really don't want this to happen again let him know how you appreciate that he was listening but a rabbit was not really what you were expecting for your birthday.

Selfishly, I enjoy gifts on special occasions that only I can use-- meaning nobody else will enjoy it, not even my husband. A sex toy does not fall under that category so would I be disappointed? A little. Would I enjoy it anyway? Heck yeah.

November 23, 2009 - 4:55am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I totally agree with Alison- I think a sex toy is a great gift! Moreover, I received one also from my partner and was so excited to try it with him. Our sex life is even better now and we enjoy it really! Toys are acclaimed by sex experts for being efficient and make great presents, so stop being suspicious, RELAX and give it a try with your boyfriend.

November 22, 2009 - 8:33pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

To the original Anon

I know it wasn't your ideal gift but do try to see some humor in it! I mean, you came home a little tipsy and giggly, telling him all about the vibrators you checked out in a shop (with the owner as your tour guide, no less!) and then the chap goes and buys you one for your birthday! Look at it from his point of view. Imagine he came home a bit drunk and waxed wishful about a state -of- the- art golf club and you get him one for his birthday. Wouldn't you be a bit surprised if he said it didn't really say "I love you?" It's the act of giving that says I love you, not the gift itself. If his intention was good - and I think it was - then that all that matters. You said "OMG we have to get one!" And presto....!

So say thank you and let it go :)

Use it if you wish, or not. That part is up to you. But don't be upset that your boyfriend got you something that I think he genuinely thought you wanted.

And I think you'll be able to laugh about it, I think the whole story is rather cute and funny :)

November 14, 2009 - 5:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I think he was being genuine with the gift and thought you'd love it because of your drunken talk.
Because you have not had a good time in the bedroom reciently and you saying this probably made him think about sex and using it with you as i'm sure he wants things to be great in bed like you do.

Why not try it with your boyfriend? Buy some sexy underwear, light some candles, open a bottle of wine and when your boyfriend gets in from work or whatever surprise him...

November 14, 2009 - 4:51pm
Alison Beaver

Wow---I have a totally different perspective--I think this is a great gift!

I am sorry you are upset, but I do see some assumptions made on your part that may be inaccurate (and help you not feel so betrayed, if you look at them differently).

You are assuming that your boyfriend gave you this gift because:
- he/it isn't romantic
- it's more of a gag gift
- he's too lazy to have sex with me
- gift doesn't say I love you
- impulsive gift without any thought

May I respectfully offer another viewpoint? If you are hurt by this, you have every right to your feelings, but since you asked...I wanted to give you another opinion. Many women would see this gift as very romantic, sensual, exotic and intimate.

We receive so many concerns from women who are angry that their male partner is not open to talking about sex, their needs and desires, will not try different things or is just interested in himself/his fulfillment...that your boyfriend is definitely trying to make your sex life fun, interesting, fulfilling for both of you! Plus, he listened to what you said you wanted---he really can't read your mind if you didn't mean what you said--and as Diane pointed out, he actually went through the trouble and embarrassment to buy you a sex toy. If you wanted the gift presented in a different way, I'm not sure a gift receiver can be that choose-y (would he have bought you the wrong kind of flowers or jewelry...many men hesitate and can't pick out the right kind of jewelry since it depends on personal taste.) Would you have been irritated at him, regardless of the gift, if you are having some relationship turbulence right now?

I'm not sure why you were uncomfortable with receiving the gift, unless he gave it to you at a public birthday party? That I could understand; I'm hoping he gave you the gift when you two were alone?

Lastly, since you are having some troubles in the bedroom, this may be his way of communicating with you that he is trying, wants to get to know what you like, try something new...it sounds to an outsider that he was very thoughtful about the gift!

November 12, 2009 - 1:20pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Alison Beaver)

Thank you for your reply but I don't think I explained myself well enough. I have no problem with sex toys. I have a cute little vibrator with flowers and I love it. But this thing that I received is a vibrating 12" dildo with some serious girth. It wasn't just any old sex toy. It was not my style and not something that I am comfortable with. It is much bigger than any penis I would ever want inside me. I just wanted to know how to talk to him about it and tell him what I was feeling.

November 23, 2009 - 10:04am
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